North Carolina House Bill 2: Relax! No One Wants To Look At Your Junk.

As you're probably already aware, the North Carolina General Assembly recently passed House Bill 2. This is a state law which prohibits transgendered individuals from using the correct bathroom. Instead, such persons must use rest facilities which match the specific gender identified on their birth certificate. Obviously, this creates a dilemma for the transgendered community. More importantly, House Bill 2 is state-sponsored discrimination.

My take on this whole debacle isn't from the perspective of a transgendered person. I was born a male and I identify as male. I can't fully understand what it's like to be born with one set of physical sex organs, but feel like the opposite sex (or even somewhere in between) on the inside. Yet, I can certainly relate to the struggle that comes with being discriminated against. For that reason, I wholly support the right of a person to use the proper bathroom.

What bothers me most about House Bill 2 is that it attaches a stigma of perversity to a transgendered person. This is the same myth that was attached to homosexuality for years (and in many places, still is). You know, the old notion that the gays are perverts and want to molest little children. The gender you are has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, much less your propensity for sexual assault. A rapist will rape and a molester will molest -- heterosexual, homosexual or transgendered.

The law, at its core, is a statement made in total fear. Champions of the bill, including Governor Pat McCrory whom signed it into law, supposedly want to protect the safety of "normal" people from those whom might be different.

Protect them from what, though?

Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that I have shared a bathroom with a transgendered man. I won't relate personal details of a routine bathroom trip to you out of common decency, but you can imagine what using the toilet entails. And you know what? I survived just fine. This transgendered man didn't try to touch me, proposition me or even talk to me. They did their "business" and I did mine. Why? Because we were two human beings doing what human beings do. We were taking a crap -- a gross, disgusting and ultimately unarousing act that no one likes but everyone has to do.

There is absolutely nothing sexy about this.

That's the biggest point to take away from this nonsense. No one in the bathroom, transgendered or otherwise, is trying to look at your junk. People go to the bathroom to do their natural business. We're not in there to have raucous, unorthodox sex (gay or straight). You'll never catch me putting on a dress and a wig and trying to spy on women taking a dump in the ladies' room. I would wager a large some of money that you wouldn't either. So, why would you expect a transgendered person to do it? Is it because they're somehow different than you? Is it because they don't fit into your strict cultural expectations of gender? Is it because you fear what you don't understand?

Fear, my friends, is the problem here. Fear is the great divider. Fear makes some of us do silly things. Fear makes some of us hate. Fear makes some of us pass laws like House Bill 2.

I don't care if the person next to me taking a poo has a penis or not. I'm not so egotistical to think that a transgendered person has entered the bathroom solely to become turned on by taking a peak at my genitalia. I don't live in a bubble of fear, and neither should you. Odds are, you have already used the bathroom with a transgendered person and didn't even know it. Why? Because transgendered people are just like everybody else.

Racism, Guns and the Confederacy.

In the wake of the Charleston Mass Shooting at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church allegedly (I use this term purely for legal protection) carried out by Dylann Roof, there has been a broad public discussion about many interlinking subjects.

• Do we still live in a time of racism?
• Should guns be banned?
• Does the assailant represent a larger consensus?
• Should the Confederate Flag be removed from all government facilities that currently display it?

These are all valid points of discussion, to which I'd like to comment. This attack and the revelations proceeding it unfolded while I was away from home. Here, for the first time, I'll state my case on the matter.

Do we still live in a time of racism?

A segregated drinking fountain, common before the Civil Rights Act.

Yes, without a shadow of a doubt. Anyone that claims we now live in a post-racial society is either willfully ignorant, politically motivated or simply naive. In my humble opinion, we exist in the greatest time of racial divide since the Civil Rights Era of the 1950's and 1960's. I live my life by a standard that all people are the same -- there is no such thing as white, black, yellow, brown or any skin color in between. Yet, many people do not. This holds especially true for individuals that believe their country is being taken away from them by minorities. Fear is the greatest generator of divisive racial propaganda. Fear breeds distrust between people whom live within the same community. Fear begets racism.

Should guns be banned?

A large gun expo recently held in Pittsburgh, PA by the National Rifle Association.

This is a delicate matter, one that men much more accomplished than myself have attempted to solve for decades on end. Firearms are a fluid notion -- they can be a tool, a means for self defense or a weapon. In the hands of a game hunter, a firearm is a tool. In the hands of a responsible citizen, a firearm provides security against violent aggressors. In the hands of an irresponsible deviant, a firearm suddenly becomes a weapon. How do you insure that firearms stay out of the hands of the reckless? There's no method which can 100% guarantee that guns are kept out of the hands of criminals and the mentally unstable (short of destroying all guns, but that's a Utopian ideal most people won't even consider). In studying this matter, I've come to two conclusions.

• End the inflated American gun culture, where firearms are idolized.
• Make obtaining a firearm more difficult, much like earning a specialized license. Strenuous background checks simply aren't enough.

When it comes to swiftly delivering death, firearms are really great at that. Hence, why are they not revered and looked upon with caution? Firearms certainly aren't something everyone should own. The more Americans that have uncomplicated access to firearms, the easier it is for incidents like the one in Charleston to occur. Many proponents of firearm proliferation would say that the church goers whom were murdered might still be alive had they been carrying a pistol of their own. To that I would say...

We should be able to live in a world where we don't have to carry instruments of death everywhere we go.

Does the assailant represent a larger consensus?

A group of Ku Klux Klan members burn a cross in Florida during the early 1970's.

There was a time when racists didn't need to hide in plain sight. At least you could see them. Today, they covertly live and work among us.

Image Credit -- State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory, http://floridamemory.com/items/show/134613

Yes, just in varying degrees. The vast majority of those that hold contempt and anger for people not of their own skin color would never carry out such a violent act. That's the scary part, though. While said racists won't go through with shooting unarmed citizens, they will let their bigotry influence other more far-reaching aspects of their life. The most influential and dangerous racist is the one whom hides in plain sight, never letting on to their biased agenda. This represents the largest contingent of racists in the United States -- they're your neighbors, your friends, your family, your political leaders, your clergymen, your farmers, your bankers; I could go on and on. You probably already know quite a few racists without even realizing it.

Should the Confederate Flag be removed from all government facilities that currently display it?

The Confederate Flag still flies outside the South Carolina Statehouse.

Absolutely, this is a no-brainer. First and foremost, any and all government facilities within the United States should fly only one national flag -- the Star-Spangled Banner. State government facilities can and should also display their own respective banners. The Confederate Flag represents a republic of states, the Confederacy, that failed to thrive. Existing a meager five years, the Confederate States of America is a long dead construct. To fly the flag of a nation that no longer exists on publicly held grounds is absurd, much less disrespectful. Say what you will about the motivations of the Confederacy, but the Rebel Flag largely reflects a culture of oppression, segregation, ignorance and poverty. I fully realize that not all whom wear the Rebel Flag today are racists. In fact, the vast majority of those that celebrate the former Confederacy do so because of their deep admiration for Southern culture. Though, it's obviously ingenuous to turn a blind eye to how most other Americans (non-Southerners, minorities) view the Rebel Flag -- especially those whom would have been persecuted under it. If you're going to display the flag of the Confederacy, don't be shocked when others automatically assume you're a racist. It's just common sense.

Humanity Is Crippled By Fear.

I sit alone in my home this evening. There's no one but my dogs to keep me company. My thoughts this evening turn to notions of mankind. What drives us? What makes us tick? Where are we going? How are we to ever survive the future? Most importantly, how are we to ever survive each other? It seems fear drives a great deal of what we do. We're afraid that foreigners will terrorize our cities. We're afraid of losing our homes, our loved ones. We fear being unloved. At the heart of it all, I believe we're most afraid of our own self.

Fear is a powerful tool; it's one that's been employed by tyrants and barbarians for countless thousands of years. Fear makes a man do something he wouldn't normally do, even when there's little at stake. We stop at red lights out of fear of being struck by another vehicle. The consequence of being burned by fire is another tangent of fear. In many cases, fear can be a positive thing. It keeps us from making repeated mistakes. Fear also makes us abuse our children. It can turn a loving husband into a jealous control freak. Fear can make us stick our head in the sand. It's funny how fear possesses multiple faces, much like a harlequin with a new mask for every performance.

I'm intrigued with the human condition, in so much as how it works with exploration. Mankind used to be very eager to break the bonds of this planet. We put men on the moon. We sent probes beyond our own solar system. Our desire to explore the outermost reaches of our own universe were once a driving force in technological development. Yet, here we are in 2015. The most highly anticipated piece of technology is the Apple Watch -- something none of us need. I'm deeply saddened at how mankind has taken two steps back from the future. What are we doing? Shouldn't we be thinking about expanding mankind's grasp of our universe? I realize Earth is our home, but just as birds, we can not stay in the nest forever. At some point, we must stretch our virgin wings and fly from the nest, seeking a new life. There's only a limited bank of resources at our disposal on this planet before we run out of options. I don't want to wait until the last possible moment to develop a strategy for future survival. The time to explore is now. Let us leave no star unseen, no distant planet untouched. Earth isn't just our home -- the entire universe is our home.

The only thing prohibiting mankind from sailing the vastness of our universe is fear. We're afraid to evolve our mindset, our field of scope, our willingness to think outside the box. Why couldn't we construct a terradome on the moon and establish a space colony? We have the materials at hand to withstand the diminished atmosphere of the moon. Supplies could be transported there, though admittedly the journey would be arduous. Yet, what ever came from not accepting a challenge? Are we not human beings? Are we not capable of overcoming adversity? Where is our sense of bravery?

Fear. I say to you again. Fear.

Fear chains mankind to the past. Courage is the key that unlocks our future.

Fear is the lengthened shadow of ignorance.

- Arnold H. Glasow (1905 - 1998)

Wounds.

I recently listened to a story by the revered martial artist Enson Inoue. Inoue is a Japanese-American whom has held the Shooto Heavyweight Championship and operates multiple mixed martial arts studios across the globe. Considered one of the progenitors of the MMA sports field, Inoue is highly regarded. Amongst the Japanese people, they call him 'Yamato-Damashii', which in essence means 'Japanese Spirit'. The Japanese consider him to contain and harness all that which makes Japan unique and special. He is a warrior and guide to them, and rightfully so.

In this story, Inoue-san spoke of an altercation he encountered when he was young. To paraphrase, he watched as a young friend was beaten within inches of his life. Already fairly proficient in the martial arts, Inoue locked up from fear. From what, he asked himself? Having a broken rib? Being cut? Perhaps snapping a leg? The anticipation of physical harm scared him from getting involved. Fear conquered him on that day, to which he still regrets as an older man.

At the end of his tale, Inoue-san made a powerful point. Had he of stepped in and helped defend his friend, he most assuredely would have been injured. Yet, physical wounds heal. Bones can become unbroken. The flesh will stop bleeding. Instead... many decades later, he still has an emotional wound by not stepping in to help. Emotionally, he has not healed... and probably never will. Fear damaged him in a way that physical harm can not. Fear cut to his very essence, to forever be left with a scar. The emotional wound proved far more permanent than any physical wound he could have potentially received on that day so long ago.

I can relate to Inoue-san in way that many can not. He understands how emotional trauma can have a lifelong impact.

As a child, I preferred the shoving and beatings over any amount of yelling... any amount of degradation and torture. On multiple occassions, I can directly recall simply asking my dad for a beating, just to get the whole altercation over with. It's disgusting... but it's the truth. At least I can move beyond the pain.

Pain is temporary.

Perfect love.

After putting in a few late night hours packing packages for my business customers this evening, I found myself exhausted. My eyes had that slight tingle that comes from staring at a computer monitor after a few too many hours.

I have burned the midnight oil this evening.

Just a short while ago, I leaned back in my office chair to rest my eyes. Almost instantly, my eyes were closed. I was calm for a short moment... calmer than I've experienced in a long time. My mind began to wander, much like a moth trying to find an ounce of sunshine in a light bulb.

Random thoughts... Reality. Compassion. Humility. Honor.

A few minutes passed. As I sat forward and opened my eyes, I couldn't help but contemplate the love that not all of us encounter. Not just any old love -- the type shared between friends, or the kind proclaimed by a young child about their favorite flavor of ice cream. I mean real love.

True, undeniable, inconceivable, illogical, completely selfless love.

There are indeed plenty of 'fish in the sea', as the old saying goes. Undeniably, we can almost certainly find someone that will share even a brief intimate moment with us. Someone whom will listen to us... share dinner with us... embrace us. While not temporary, these interludes of human compassion at the very least remind us that we are alive. Accordingly, I wouldn't dare level these moments as illicit or petty. The world is a harsh and uncaring realm of existence; any moment of happiness must be cherished and respected. Indeed -- if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

Yet, I want to attest to the power of an even higher degree of love. Such a love that is without conditions but loaded with consequences. Love that will change how you look at the world; how you look at yourself. Love that will make you dive into an ocean with no hope of rescue. Love that will drive you into a burning building, just so your better half won't have to die alone. Love that will inflict a wound so deep, that you may never love again.

Human beings may not be monogamous by nature, but a few of us are damn lucky enough to meet the one person that turns our entire world upside down. Red will change to blue. North will flip to south. Sweet will taste salty and cold will sizzle hot. A loving bond so unique, so perfect... should the two lovers be separated, the entire universe shall be torn asunder.

Yes... THAT kind of love.

We see a love of this caliber often on television or in movies. We sing songs about meeting the one. We write books... nay entire series of novels about eternal love. In every possible creative output humanity has managed to invent, we always elevate the concept of perfect love.

Hemingway did it. So did Van Gogh. Beethoven? Yep, he did as well. Springsteen has done it (and still is). Cusack gushed perfect love as the bumbling Lloyd Dobler. Grant and Hepburn, too.

Perfect love surrounds us. We glide through clouds of wishful wanting, often not evening knowing it. Could these clouds be so thick that we fail to see the love of our life fly by? Are we too caught up in the idea of perfect love that we fail to see it right before our eyes? Maybe yes... maybe no. Who is to say?

I approach the art of perfect love from a different perspective, in such a way that connects to the previously mentioned idea of 'plenty of fish'. Maybe... just maybe... a perfect love isn't inherently natural. As with anything, perfection doesn't exist in an objective sense. Two people, both filled with faults and self-loathing, trust issues and anger; they can create a bond of love that's perfect for them and them alone. But, these two people must be willing to work at it. Love has so much more importance when we work to make it important. A lasting relationship takes effort and dedication. Add to that heaps of trial and error.

Most importantly, loves requires sacrifice. We must not let fear deter us from sacrificing our own pride to the one we love. Once we've conquered the fear of humility, all other agents of destruction pale in comparison. Taking a bullet is but a small price to pay when compared to surrendering your own self-importance for the sake of your relationship. Fear is powerful; I don't foolishly disregard it. To be afraid is perfectly natural. Having the courage to admit you're afraid? That's the hard part. How appropriate that your lover, your best friend, your companion is there to help you along?

Fear is the darkness we follow love into, but never do we enter that darkness alone.