The Deconstruction Of Friendship.

There's nothing quite like seeing an old friend. Someone that you know is trustworthy, kind and actually wants to see you in return. That's the funny thing about friends these days. The invasive nature of social media has given the definition of friend such an ambiguous connotation. A friend can be a movie superstar or a brand of soap. It can be an Instagram diva that you've never met in your life (and never will). It can be old acquaintances from high school that live in different states and don't even have your phone number.

And yet, this pervasive deconstruction of friendship has even seeped into our very real lives. The bar for friendship has been set so low, that we often let people into our lives that don't deserve to be there at all.

So why all the talk on friends?

I saw an old friend earlier today completely out of the blue. Calling a few hours in advance of my unexpected arrival, they quickly took the time to see me for even a few minutes. Though having dinner together wasn't in the cards, she at least had the time to say hello and catch up. After four years of not seeing each other, it was just like yesterday. You see, that's what a friend does for someone.

Friends make time for each other.

Thanks for catching up Brooks. It was great to see you. Hope you weren't inconvenienced by stepping away from your office for a moment. And seriously, what fountain of youth are you drinking from?!

The lesson I learned today? When it comes to genuine friendship, I need to raise my expectations.

Rejected By Basement-Dwelling Nerds.

Last night, I joined a local Dungeons and Dragons game group on the community website Meetup. My social life is on life support, so I thought I'd roll the dice and give it a shot. I've always had a fleeting interest in trying the infamous adventure game. Yet, growing up in rural Virginia never allowed an opportunity for me to give it a try.

Mind you, I played Magic: The Gathering for years by myself because no one else knew about it. That's how far out in the boondocks I was.

Upon joining an open group in Greensboro which is looking for new and experienced players, I sent the administrator a short note. In it, I introduced myself, explained my lack of experience and asked when I could come to acquaint myself with the game and their group's players.

This morning, I received a response.

The group administrator thanked me for my interest, but stated that they were full of experienced players and would keep me in mind in the future. Following the message, the admin promptly removed me from their open and public group.

An OPEN and PUBLIC group. Let that sink in.

"Hah, this guy Jared thought he could be a part of our group? What a loser!"

I wouldn't be so annoyed if the group didn't state that it was looking for new players. And yet, denied access I was. I've now been rejected by basement-dwelling nerds. My social life is officially dead.

Of course, I realize that the problem exists with the admin/group and not myself, but I still can't help but feel a bit depressed. As if I already weren't a hermit, being rejected in such a manner doesn't help. Is it even possible for a Dungeons and Dragons game to be full? Isn't it an open-ended role-playing game where multiple people can participate? I feel like I was fed an excuse, though for what reason I can't say.

Back to the drawing board, I suppose. Maybe I can find another group on Meetup that will interest me. At some point, maybe I'll revive my social life.

Thanks Randy.

My brother James recently brought me some items that he found from my childhood. One such item was a paper wallet. Remember them? As kids, we used to make them back in the '80s and '90s. Unfortunately, I never had the dexterity with my hands to make them correctly. No matter how many times I'd try, I just never could get it right. Thankfully, my good friend Randy made one for me in third grade (1990-1991). This is it...

The things Randy wrote on this are enough to date it to the period. "Be rad like me" and "super cool radical dude" sure aren't phrases you'll hear come out the mouths of today's Millennials. He also gave me the code name "Mango", which I don't quite recall the origin of.

No relation to this Mango, which came many years later.

There's also a really cool iguana-type lizard on the side, as well as a secret code number -- 676 (which happens to be the prefix for Kenbridge, where we went to school). We never actually used the code for anything, it just looked neat.

Randy was a great guy who always looked out for me. As we grew older, he was always genuine and jovial, even though he hung out with a different crowd than I did (did I even have a crowd?). He knew how to make anyone laugh and was never a jerk. Unfortunately, Randy is no longer with us, but I do think about our childhood together. He is sorely missed. It's always great to find a little piece of your past, especially when it's something you thought was lost forever. I'm glad this relic has somehow survived for twenty-four years without winding up in a trash heap. It feels comforting to have something Randy touched. In a way, he's still with me.

Randy, wherever you are... thanks.

Randy is in the second row from the top, towards the left with the Bart Simpson shirt. Around that time, 'The Simpsons' were in their second season and had become a massive cultural phenomenon. I can recall Randy quoting Bart many times -- "Don't have a cow, man!" I'm on the right in the tie. Yes... I was the only kid who showed up in a tie for picture day. I guess I've always been a fastidious, scholarly knob!

If you're in the photo, feel free to share this blog. I know some of you will probably read this. Isn't it swell to see old photos of us?

Friendship Is All About Showing Up.

When it comes to being a friend to someone, the equation is simple. The biggest component of friendship is just showing up. The rest is merely the fine details. What matters is that you are there for someone, in both good times and bad. You're there for birthdays and weddings, for funerals and break-ups. You do your best to maintain open channels of communication. You remember holidays and special moments from the past.

You simply try to maintain a presence in another person's life, even when time and distance make it nearly impossible to do so. That's what being a friend to someone is.

I suspect you might be asking me "Why are you thinking about the matter of friendship this evening, Jared?"

A close friend is celebrating her birthday today (Congrats Brooks). Even though we're separated by many miles and work schedules that rarely, if ever, make it feasible for us to see each other, we've remained friends for years. In fact, our friendship is more stable and has lasted longer than that with the person whom initially introduced us! We trade greeting cards and gifts, text messages and friendly notes. She's made a point to remain a presence in my life, just as I have in her's. That's what being a friend is... just showing up and saying "I'm here."

As of late, I find myself asking...

Who is saying "I'm here" in my life? Who makes a point to maintain an open dialogue? Who wants to actually take the time to see me?

I did an inventory of my circle of friends... and it's grown quite small. In fact, I could probably count it one hand... with a few fingers to spare. I'll be perfectly blunt with you -- I haven't had any sort of meaningful social interaction with a friend (barring extreme geographic barriers) in what must be years. In essence, I've become a hermit. If it weren't for my better half Crystal and my two dogs, I wouldn't see any friends at all. Indeed, I wonder if I even still know how to make friends. It's been so long... I have probably forgotten. I desperately want to get out and have fun with a friend -- catch a movie, grab lunch or dinner, trade barbs over a few drinks, go shopping. I want to do anything normal friends do, though I'm not quite sure what that is because I never properly learned how.

I'm a work in progress, but that should be obvious to my long standing readers at this point.

What irks me the most is this -- I make a point to try and maintain a presence in the lives of other people. I send cards and texts. I try to call. I offer sound advice and honesty...

And I don't get a lot back in return.

I feel like I'm doing all the work to keep various relationships alive, truthfully. I've become fully convinced of this notion...

Lots of people like the IDEA of being your friend versus actually BEING your friend.

If you want to be a friend to someone, then show up and remind that person that you are there. Don't rely on social media to do all the work for you... it doesn't do squat. Otherwise, do not foolishly expect the other person to bear the burden. It's a hard life lesson to accept, but it's become quite evident. I won't carry the load any longer. Either you're in, or you're out.

Charlie's Words.

Hello everyone! I've had a very long and tiring day, so my blog post this evening shall be brief. Many miles have been traveled and my stomach is growling for sustenance.

I'll get right to the point.

While at a toy convention this morning, I met a kind old man out looking for hot rod collectibles. We've crossed paths before at random moments and spoken, but he's always managed to remember my name, just as I have remembered his -- Charlie. He is in his eighties, but still fairly spry and witty. When I become his age, I can only hope to be in as good physical and mental condition.

Charlie and I had a long conversation this morning, with the topics ranging from old automobiles to children. One of the topics we discussed was his deceased best friend. It was obvious that Charlie and him were very close, almost like brothers. The discussion really drove the point home of how important true friends are to your life. Friends that really care about you will do what they can to be involved in your life.

Everything else is just funny business.

As I settle in for the evening, Charlie's words ring even more true. I look at my life and see that the number of friends I can depend on can be counted on one hand. The older I get, the less fingers I need to count.

There is only one best friend in my life, and she knows who she is.

More Exclamation Points!

Oh wow... boy did I have a great day!

Not only did I find a massive ton of complete LEGOS for only $30 at a liquidation sale this morning (SCORE!), but I also got to hang out in an arcade for a few hours (DOUBLE SCORE!!) and beat an old school Golden Axe game with Crystal (TRIPLE SCORE!!!).

On top of that, Crystal made me a royal dinner -- steak, okra, Brussels sprouts and macaroni and cheese, plus nachos and a killer chocolate cobbler!

QUADRUPLE SCORE!!!!

This needs more exclamation points. Please, indulge me...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!

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Okay, I think I'm goooood.... no wait... oooooohhhhh...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a most excellent birthday I've had today. I can't be more thankful. So many of you wished me well  -- THANK YOU! It's nice to know my friends and family think about me. Perhaps I'm not such an unlovable curmudgeon after all.

My spirits are riding high this evening. I've got some great jazz playing from the Holiday Jazz Radio channel I manage over at Pandora. You're welcome to listen in and enjoy the jazzy tunes all season long. I've started my spiral into the Holidays on a better note this year than in the past. You -- my family and friends -- are the reason for that.

Now let's celebrate! Thanksgiving, here I come!

The Greatest Gift.

I'm writing tonight's blog post from the comfort of my bed. It has been a very long day and I'm bushed to say the least. I want to say thank you to two wonderful people whom thought about my upcoming birthday today.

Brooks, thanks again for the birthday card. We've known each other for many years. Through the highs, lows and miles in between, you've been my friend. For that, I am ever grateful.

Julie, I really appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to come see me today. Your gifts were wonderful and I'll get much use out of them. You're the best little sister a big lug like me could ask for.

Not many people have stuck by me through my life, but I've always had a close-knit group of friends and family that have loyally supported me. Your dedication does not go unnoticed. Admittedly, I am not an easy person to contend with; I am fully aware of how difficult it is to know me.

Loyalty is the greatest gift I can offer. Your kindness to me will always be repaid in excess.