Thursday, June 9, 2016

Crystal's Tips For Improving Baseball.


Crystal and I went to a Greensboro Grasshoppers minor league baseball game this evening. If you weren't already aware, I'm a massive baseball fan. Baseball truly is America's past time. Forget basketball or football... baseball is where it's at.

On the other hand, Crystal finds baseball to be dreadfully boring and a waste of time.

While watching the game, I had Crystal compose a list of ways to improve the sport for bored viewers like herself. As such, she gets credit for tonight's article. I'm merely the messenger. And now...

Crystal's Tips For Improving Baseball!

  • Fights - Let the players beat each other senseless, as they do in hockey.
  • Throwing money - Shoot coins at the fans, or onto the field.
  • Put obstacles on the field - Barb wire, mud pits, swinging chainsaws, etc. The more dangerous the better!
  • Rubber bullets - Give the players pistols to fire the non-lethal projectiles at opposing players.
  • Spiked balls - They'll make someone fielding a ball think twice about catching it! If the fans are lucky, the players will often catch the spiked ball with their face.
  • Flaming mascots - light them on fire and have them run a race around the bases!
  • Free ice cream for the fans - Sprinkles are absolutely mandatory.
  • Just not be a sport - Seriously, stop playing baseball. It sucks.
And finally, the number one tip that made me burst with laughter as we watched behind home plate...
  • Refunds for boredom - A full refund... every game, every time.

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