Pop-Up Headlights: A Love Story.

Automobiles look incredibly different today than they did in the 1980's and 1990's. Consider the 1989 Honda Accord versus its 2009 counterpart.

1989 Honda Accord

 2009 Honda Accord

Notice the difference between the two? The 2009 version is just so boring and plain. It might as well be a Toyota Corolla or a Ford Focus from the same model year. No unique styling cues. No flair. No sense of individuality. A run of the mill, mundane car. Zzzzzzzzzzz. But that 1989 Accord? It's got panache. There's no mistaking that low cut back end and sharp edges. Sure, the '89 Accord was meant for middle-management yuppies and stay-at-home moms, but at least it had some degree of personality. Most importantly, the '89 had something the '09 does not -- pop-up headlights.

1936 Cord 810

The first iteration of pop-up headlights (aka hidden headlamps) appeared on the 1936 Cord 810. You had to crank them out manually by hand! Pop-up headlights didn't enter into the common lexicon until the mid to late 1970's though, where they stayed with the auto buying public until the mid '90s.

1984 Toyota Corolla

For a good twenty years, pop-up headlights were a common sight. If you didn't drive a car featuring them, your neighbor probably did. Just some of the vehicles to include them were the Chrysler LeBaron, Pontiac Firebird and practically every car Nissan pumped out. Pop-up lamps were everywhere... and they were cool.

1989 Ford Probe

As the '90s were on their way out, laws started to change. Specifically, Europe began requiring auto manufacturers to lessen the number of physical protrusions on cars. Front-ends also needed to be more deformable. This was a measure taken to reduce the number of pedestrian deaths in automobile impacts. Since most car manufacturers operate on a global scale, these changes took place in the American market as well. Couple that with the fact that headlights were soon allowed to be made aerodynamic (as in, built into the styling of the car) on vehicles in the US and pop-up headlights went the way of the dodo bird and Amy Winehouse. The last mass-produced cars to feature pop-up lamps were the 2004 Chevy Corvette and, to a smaller degree, the Lotus Esprit. That, as they say, was that.

My first car was a Dodge Daytona. It was passed down to me from my mom and dad. Believe it or not, I really loved that car. It had personality and a certain unsuspecting charm that many vehicles lack these days. One of the best parts about it was the pop-up headlights. Not once did they ever cease to function (as some hidden headlamps were known to do). It's still legal to produce a car with pop-up headlights, so perhaps public opinion will convince auto makers to implement them once again. As of now, they're a nostalgic figment of a by-gone era when most cars had a sense of identity.

Move Over Rudolph, It's The Yule Goat!

Believe it or not, there's a goat connected with the Christmas holiday season. Unless you're from Scandinavia, you've probably never heard of it. I'm talking about the Yule Goat.

Originating with pre-Christian Scandinavians and northern Europeans, the Yule Goat is a symbol of the harvest season carried into winter. Tradition states that once the last batch of grain had been harvested, it would be saved for the annual Yule celebration. This bundle of grain was deemed the Julbocken, which translates to Yule Goat. The symbol of the goat was highly regarded at the time, especially by the Norse. This is because of the relation to the thunder god Thor, whom rode a mighty chariot pulled by two magical goats.

As the years went on, the symbol of the goat spread to other aspects of the winter holiday season. During the 11th Century, actors performed simple plays wherein Saint Nicholas would lead a goat man around by a leash. This was meant to symbolize keeping the devil under control.

Continuing through as late as the 20th Century, these same plays would grow and evolve further. The Yule Goat took on a more whimsical and tawdry nature. Large groups of actors would dance down streets and past homes in villages. They would sing, prance and play innocent pranks on their neighbors. The Yule Goat was typically part of this revelry, filling the role of a raucous beast-man demanding treats and presents from people.

By the 19th Century, the Yule Goat had also taken on a similar role as Santa Claus. He'd come around during the holidays and leave small gifts for children. Often times, the two characters were depicted together.

Today, the Yule Goat is a massively popular symbol representative of both the Christmas and Yule holidays. Throughout Scandinavia, the Yule Goat is just as common a holiday icon as reindeer or snowmen are here in America. Yule Goat ornaments are created from straw and wood with red ribbons tied around their neck and horns.

Don't you think it's a-bbbbbbbbbaaaaahhhhhhh-out time you added a Yule Goat to your Christmas tree?

Belsnickel: Santa's Bad-Ass Bum Sidekick!

We all know and love Santa Claus. He's jolly, fat and gives free crap to good girls and boys. What's not to adore? Here in America, Santa Claus has been mystified as this eternally warm and kind deity. He'd never hurt children in any capacity. In essence, Americans have 'nerfed' good ol' Saint Nick and made him super kid friendly.

Though, If one were to analyze the old world European traditions circling Santa Claus, they would definitely find a much different story. One such old world element that stands out is the legend of Santa's sidekick named Belsnickel.

Born in the Palatinate region of Germany during the Middle Ages, Belsnickel is an ancient mythical being with powers very similar to that of Saint Nick. Dressed in furs and rags, Belsnickel is covered from head to foot in wild, unkempt hair and dirty old clothes. He looks like a disgusting beggar, carrying a large switch in one hand and a bag full of goodies in the other. Some descriptions say he wears a mask to hide his frighteningly grotesque, long tongue! Belsnickel is altogether not pleasant to be around and looks quite disheveled. Many ancient descriptions of Belsnickel also state that he leads Santa's more famous companion Krampus around in chains as a means to frighten children. A guy that walks a demon on a leash? Yeah... that's pretty bad-ass.

Legend has it that Belsnickel will arrive a week or two before Santa Claus and help to 'encourage' wicked little boys and girls to improve their behavior. He would knock on your door and wait for the children of the home to answer his call. Belsnickel might ask the children to sing him a song or answer a riddle. If they did so, he would recklessly toss goodies from his sack all across the floor -- fruits, nuts, baked sweet breads, candy and small trinkets. Yet, this was a devious test by Belsnickel. If any child seemed a little too eager to take the treats, Belsnickel would rap his stick across their back as punishment. Only calm, polite children could take the treats without receiving the wrath of his switch.

Belsnickel 'bout to whoop dat ass.

In every practical sense, Belsnickel is a drunk, smelly, crotchety old bum who doesn't mind using positive reinforcement or punishment to improve the behavior of children. Act like a jerk and you'll feel the sting of his switch. Act like a decent child and you'll get to shove your face with his goodies. While it's not exactly politically correct, it sure seemed to work.

What Does The Destruction of hitchBot Say About America?

Leave it to us Americans to screw up something wholesome and innocent.

The sad news broke this week about hitchBot, a roving talking robot, being destroyed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Created by two Canadian University academics named Frauke Zeller and David Smith, hitchBot was designed to travel by hitchhiking and perform as a friendly companion to drivers. It began its journey in Halifax, Nova Scotia and successfully hitchhiked all the way to Victoria, British Columbia -- over 6,200 miles in all. Travelers would pick hitchBot up alongside the road, whom would then proceed to talk with the drivers. hitchBot did not have functioning limbs, so strangers were required to literally pick him up. Thankfully, hitchBot was made from a small electronic dome head attached to a bucket, with swimming noodles for arms and legs -- he was fairly light. For a face, hitchBot employed a simple LED screen that would smile and wink. It had a somewhat complex conversational vocabulary and could discuss all sorts of things. The robot would also snap a photo every so often to record its trip.

Using the hashtag #hitchBot, those whom picked him up could share their adventures for all the world to see on the internet. hitchBot attended a wedding, went to a dance and even had its portrait painted. After traveling across the entire breadth of Canada, it then hitchhiked successfully through a large swathe of Europe without incident. The amount of miles hitchBot logged without encountering a problem is astounding -- this speaks to the inherent good nature of most Canadians and Europeans.

hitchBot survived a measly two weeks in the United States.

The talkative robot launched its trip in Massachusetts on July 17, 2015. It saw a baseball game and made a swing through New York City. By August 1, it had arrived in Philadelphia. There, it was vandalized and left in a ditch to proverbially die by an unknown assailant.

I realize this was just a social experiment to see how humans will respond to a hapless, innocent robot, but I fear this reflects how vicious many Americans truly are. An object with no means of defense traveled a long ways without being vandalized, only to be destroyed within a few weeks here in the good ol' US of A. What does this say about Americans? Are we barbaric? Dangerous? Not to be trusted?

First the murder of Cecil the Lion, and now hitchBot... all in the span of a week. If the obliteration of hitchBot proves anything, it's that Americans are masters of death and destruction.

We're #1?

Your Diamond is Worthless.

If you're a married lady, or are engaged, odds are that a diamond ring is on your hand. For countless decades, diamonds have been considered the go-to gift when a man proposes to a woman.

And it's completely and utterly ridiculous.

Why, you are surely asking?

Because diamonds are a crafty marketing ploy to separate you from your money. I'll explain.

Up until 1870, diamonds were indeed rare and precious. Only the wealthiest sultans and kings owned them. Suddenly, a series of massive diamond mines were found in South Africa. This discovery made diamonds extremely plentiful, thereby sending the price of diamonds down to almost nothing. To counter this massive financial loss, a man named Cecil Rhodes purchased all of the diamond mines in South Africa. He had conquered the market by 1888. By monopolizing the diamond mine market, Rhodes was able to artificially control the output of diamonds, thereby sending their value back up. One of the biggest mining companies Rhodes purchased was owned by the DeBeers Brothers. As the conglomerate of diamond mining companies grew, Rhodes' organization took on the DeBeers name. DeBeers continued to grow larger and larger as more diamond mines were uncovered around the world. The company absorbed these new mines as they popped up. Because they could control the number of virtually all the diamonds mined in the world, DeBeers could set the price of diamonds at any level.

Throughout the Twentieth Century and into the Twenty-First, DeBeers has operated the Central Selling Organization. This is the "marketplace" where diamonds are sold at wholesale to purchasers for jewelry production.

You heard that right -- not only does DeBeers control nearly all global diamond mining activity, but they also operate the supply chain which puts diamonds in the hands of jewelers. This still holds true to this day, even though DeBeers was forced to settle an anti-trust lawsuit with the US Government in 2000. Why? Because of their successful world-wide marketing strategy.

And this, my friends, is where the plot thickens...

By the time of the Great Depression, demand for diamonds had fallen dramatically in the United States. The reason why is obvious -- people were broke. Most Europeans hadn't caught on to the idea of owning a diamond, either (because most citizens there were wise to the DeBeers scam). To increase their profits once more in the commercial sector, DeBeers turned to the marketing firm of N.W. Ayer and Son. They're famous for creating the Morton Salt Girl and the catchy "Be All You Can Be" Army slogan, amongst a slew of others. In the 1930's, the marketing firm's president was Gerold M. Lauck. Once hired, Lauck completed an extensive research study about diamond engagement rings. His results weren't surprising -- to sell diamond rings, you have to attract men. Lauck keenly realized that to increase profits for DeBeers, he needed to craft diamonds as the ultimate symbol of love. Accordingly, Lauck also determined that women needed to desire diamond rings, in so much as to expect them when being asked for their hand in marriage.

Immediately, Lauck implemented a dastardly marketing campaign that encompassed nearly all aspects of public and social life. He paid for diamond rings to appear in movies and in magazines. Fashion designers were "encouraged" to feature diamonds on their models. Radio and television programs had placement advertising, which reinforced how owning a diamond ring was a lofty status symbol. Men were told that giving your fiancee the biggest diamond you could afford was the proper thing to do. Women were told that they deserved a large diamond ring because they were special. Lauck was a pure genius. With DeBeers' money, he created one of the most successful marketing campaigns this world has ever known. It was during this campaign that the famous slogan "A Diamond is Forever" was born. Within only a few months, Lauck's campaign strategy increased American diamond sales over fifty percent! To this day, the Lauck campaign is still in full effect. And to think... a commercial-grade diamond has nearly ZERO intrinsic value.

One of the most common DeBeers advertisements.

Consider a report published by The Atlantic magazine in 1982. They studied the history of diamonds, as well as how much a diamond is really worth. Within this widely lauded report, it revealed that the Ayer marketing firm constantly stayed on top of their marketing strategy and made adjustments when and where necessary. Because so many diamonds were in the hands of the public by the 1950's, they were forced to address the massive diamond supply that could potentially be resold, thereby sending prices down. To do this, Ayer created new marketing tactics which encouraged women to value their diamonds more than anything else in their possession. Concurrently, they promoted the notion that diamonds should never be resold. Their marketing strategy again worked -- to this day, it is nearly impossible to find a person that will resell a diamond (either gifted or inherited).

Here's the damning part, though. That same Atlantic report also proved that diamonds depreciate dramatically the moment they leave a jewelry store. The markup on a diamond can be upwards of 200%! As such, a jeweler will not typically buy a diamond back from a customer. Why? Because they have little incentive to do so, even though they could flip the diamond for a small profit. Even if the jeweler did want to repurchase the "used" diamond, their offer would be extremely low. As such, they'll avoid the situation altogether because making a low offer would illustrate how invaluable a diamond really is. If the public truly knew diamonds were not valuable, then they'd stop paying such high prices for them. Essentially, refusing to repurchase the diamond keeps the myth going.

Remember that slick Ayer marketing strategy I mentioned before? One such tactic was to present diamonds in movies as objects which thieves often wanted to steal. In reality, high-level thieves and burglars will rarely, if ever, steal diamonds. They know that it's next to impossible to resell them. Why risk being apprehended for little to no profit? Yet, to this day, heist movies will still show crooks swiping diamonds.

And there you have it my friends. Diamonds are absolutely worthless. Over ninety percent of all profit made from diamonds goes to the DeBeers Cartel. They control the supply. They control the demand. They control your thoughts, even.

Ladies... take a look at that shiny rock on your hand. Understand this -- it is not really valuable. The man (or woman) whom gave that diamond to you was fooled into thinking it was a prized possession. What you have is a very common, mildly lustrous stone. Many generations of Americans before you were tricked into thinking diamonds were important. Their children were taught the same thing, and so on and so forth. You now continue to prop up the diamond myth. You're just the latest victim in a long string of parlor tricks and misinformation, all thanks to greedy tycoons and one of the most brilliant marketing tactics ever devised.