Pop-Up Headlights: A Love Story.

Automobiles look incredibly different today than they did in the 1980's and 1990's. Consider the 1989 Honda Accord versus its 2009 counterpart.

1989 Honda Accord

 2009 Honda Accord

Notice the difference between the two? The 2009 version is just so boring and plain. It might as well be a Toyota Corolla or a Ford Focus from the same model year. No unique styling cues. No flair. No sense of individuality. A run of the mill, mundane car. Zzzzzzzzzzz. But that 1989 Accord? It's got panache. There's no mistaking that low cut back end and sharp edges. Sure, the '89 Accord was meant for middle-management yuppies and stay-at-home moms, but at least it had some degree of personality. Most importantly, the '89 had something the '09 does not -- pop-up headlights.

1936 Cord 810

The first iteration of pop-up headlights (aka hidden headlamps) appeared on the 1936 Cord 810. You had to crank them out manually by hand! Pop-up headlights didn't enter into the common lexicon until the mid to late 1970's though, where they stayed with the auto buying public until the mid '90s.

1984 Toyota Corolla

For a good twenty years, pop-up headlights were a common sight. If you didn't drive a car featuring them, your neighbor probably did. Just some of the vehicles to include them were the Chrysler LeBaron, Pontiac Firebird and practically every car Nissan pumped out. Pop-up lamps were everywhere... and they were cool.

1989 Ford Probe

As the '90s were on their way out, laws started to change. Specifically, Europe began requiring auto manufacturers to lessen the number of physical protrusions on cars. Front-ends also needed to be more deformable. This was a measure taken to reduce the number of pedestrian deaths in automobile impacts. Since most car manufacturers operate on a global scale, these changes took place in the American market as well. Couple that with the fact that headlights were soon allowed to be made aerodynamic (as in, built into the styling of the car) on vehicles in the US and pop-up headlights went the way of the dodo bird and Amy Winehouse. The last mass-produced cars to feature pop-up lamps were the 2004 Chevy Corvette and, to a smaller degree, the Lotus Esprit. That, as they say, was that.

My first car was a Dodge Daytona. It was passed down to me from my mom and dad. Believe it or not, I really loved that car. It had personality and a certain unsuspecting charm that many vehicles lack these days. One of the best parts about it was the pop-up headlights. Not once did they ever cease to function (as some hidden headlamps were known to do). It's still legal to produce a car with pop-up headlights, so perhaps public opinion will convince auto makers to implement them once again. As of now, they're a nostalgic figment of a by-gone era when most cars had a sense of identity.

What Happened To Saturday Morning Cartoons?

Remember the good 'ol days of Saturday morning cartoons? Pick any national network channel between 8 AM and 12 PM on a Saturday during the 1980's or 1990's and you'd probably find a great cartoon or weird live-action program to watch. For example:

1984... The Smurfs, Looney Tunes, Mr. T, Muppet Babies
1986... Real Ghostbusters, Snorks, Dungeons and Dragons, Teen Wolf
1989... Camp Candy, Alf, Captain N, Pee-Wee's Playhouse
1992... Bill and Ted, Super Mario World, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1995... X-Men, Power Rangers, Life With Louie, Spider-Man
1999... Godzilla, Batman, Pokemon, Transformers: Beast Machines

The shear wealth of awe-inspiring content available on Saturday morning at the time was astounding. I can remember eagerly looking forward to Saturday morning each and every week as a child. These shows were like good friends coming over to hang out. For an introverted kid like me, this was a big deal.

Poor Eek the Cat, always trying to help others.

It was him and his kind that needed the biggest help, though.

Have you looked at Saturday morning television recently, though? Over the course of the last twenty years, what was once an amazing television block for animated programming has all but disappeared. Some would blame the advent of the internet. Others might point the finger at video games, cable television or Netflix. Whatever the reason, the concept of Saturday morning cartoons has vanished into a depressing blur of white noise and static.

Out of curiosity, I checked into my current local Saturday morning network television schedule. Here is what I found.

(Click image to enlarge)

What did I find? Nothing. Ab-so-lute-ly nothing. Fox and ABC, whom previously aired such greats as Reboot, Batman and Robin, Bobby's World and Darkwing Duck, have zero programming on Saturday morning. All they show are infomercials. The CW, which is the love-child of former networks UPN and the WB, broadcasts exclusively pet and animal related programs -- mostly repeats of The Dog Whisperer. The CBS and NBC affiliates, for the most part, air news programs (either local or picked up from the national network). The only shows that aren't infomercials, pet-themed or news are simply E/I (educational and informative) programs legally required to be broadcast by the Federal Communications Commission.

There are NO more Saturday morning cartoons.

Even the menacing powers of the devious Mumm-Ra couldn't save the Saturday morning cartoon.

So, when did they disappear? Well, I researched the last twenty-five years of network television to find the answer. NBC stopped airing animated programs on Saturday morning in 1992 in direct response to the new FCC E/I rules. CBS dropped out of the cartoon business by 1997, mostly for the same reasons. ABC gave up cartoons in the early 2000's, largely due to push-back from local affiliates desiring news coverage. The last channel to air an animated program block was the CW, whom eliminated their cartoons in 2014. In nearly all cases, the profitability of cartoons was on the decline. A major influence in this profit drop-off was new Federal Trade Commission rules limiting child-targeted commercials during animated programming. Viewership also shrunk as cable television became more common in American homes. Instead of waiting until Saturday morning to watch animated shows, kids could watch them every day on channels like Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and the Disney Channel. 

In essence, Saturday morning cartoons were targeted on multiple fronts and simply couldn't withstand the evolving landscape.

Sorry Kissyfur, your kind has been eliminated.

While I understand that times change and nothing lasts forever, I can't help but feel a little sad inside. Children born approximately after the year 2000 will have no memory or understanding of how important Saturday morning cartoons truly were. Those of us in our late twenties and older should be so thankful that we grew up in the '80s and '90s. It was a special moment in time that will never come around again.

Unfortunately, Saturday morning cartoons won't be back right after these messages.

For information on what shows aired on Saturday morning in the '80s and '90s, check out the links here and here.

Naivety And Toothpaste.

When I was a boy, I can remember fondly all the things that would widen my eyes. Taking the rare trip to the closest shopping mall an hour away was one such event. Even better, actually visiting a toy store was a massive deal -- it was like being allowed into heaven for just a few minutes. Even small things, which I now understand as mundane or ordinary, really brought a sense of awe into my life. Oddly enough, one example was toothpaste.

Man... was I an innocent, naive kid.

As a child, I vividly recall being quite observant of other peoples' homes. I would marvel at how big their VHS or record collection was. Did they have a recliner? Was their garage filled with junk or did they actually keep a car in there? Much less... what kind of toothpaste did they use?

Much as little kids do, I'd usually ask to use the bathroom whenever my parents made social calls with friends and family. As I'd enter into the unknown void of a foreign toilet, my eyes would grow large.

Wow... they have a fancy shower with real tile!

Oh boy... their sink is clean and not covered with clutter!

Look, they have towels that match... rad!

And then, there was their toothpaste. Remember when various brands started selling their toothpaste in pump canisters instead of tubes? It was a passing fad in the '80s and '90s. Two of the biggest brands that had special, more expensive versions of their toothpaste were Colgate and Aquafresh. Though, I'm sure there were others. Instead of the old fashioned toothpaste tubes that you had to roll up, these pumps wore the badge of elitism! They sat on your counter with a trigger on the top, which you'd push to squirt out toothpaste. No more man-handling a useless old tube, nuh-uh!

The future... IS HERE!

These folks were living in the future where toothpaste was ejected in a civilized manner without any muss or fuss! When I saw that someone used pump-action toothpaste, I can remember feeling immediately impressed. Hey, I was a poor kid used to cleaning my teeth with cheap-o AIM toothpaste that cost a dollar. Pump-action Aquafresh was something only people with money bought.

Holy cow... these people must be rich!

Did I mention already how I was a naive kid?

(Little secret... I still am.)

The Infamous Alien Autopsy: Fact Or Fiction Tape.

Let me preface the following article by saying that I'm not some zany conspiracy theorist... but I do believe there's some weird stuff out there that we don't fully understand as a species. One such area that particularly interests me is that of extra terrestrials. Back in the 1990's, there was a frightening special that aired on the Fox Television Network.

The subject of that video? The autopsy of an actual alien.

The validity of this tape has always been up for debate. Was it fake? Was it real? Who knows? I don't know if it's real or not... but I admit that it's probably a hoax. The fact that legendary special effects master Stan Winston makes an appearance to debate whether the footage is real or fake really adds a sense of credibility. Either way, one thing is for certain.

At the time this video aired on live television, it scared the holy crap out of my pre-teen self.

The video explores the events surrounding the mysterious UFO crash outside Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. The government says it was a weather balloon. Theorists suggest it was a flying saucer from beyond the stars. Oooooooh... spooky.

Hosted by the always endearing actor and director Jonathan Frakes, this video goes in depth into what could (but probably isn't) an alien autopsy performed in secret by the United States Government. So sit back, put on your aluminum foil hat and enjoy...

ALIEN AUTOPSY: FACT OR FICTION!

This message is Commander Riker approved.

The Terror of Count Duckula!

Hunting and stalking at night with a taste for... vegetables?

Any proper child of the '80s will remember the awesomeness that was Count Duckula. It was a cartoon that featured a vampire duck and his various monstrous companions. Within the narrative of the cartoon, Count Duckula would be reincarnated about ounce every century. Though, there was a slight mishap with the current version. The summoning ritual which brought him back to life accidentally substituted ketchup instead of blood. Oh, the horror! Now, instead of sucking blood from his victims, Count Duckula scarfs down carrots and broccoli sandwiches. Using his magical teleporting Castle Duckula, the Count can transport to any place (or time) on the planet, often with hilarious results. Yet, at the crack of dawn, Eastern Transylvanian Standard Time, the castle automatically returns to Transylvania.

Count Duckula was originally broadcast from 1988 to 1993. I can remember watching it on Nickelodeon as a kid. It has a very memorable intro song (as heard above). I also remember how macabre the content was for a cartoon about a friendly vampire duck. As an adult, I learned that Count Duckula was in fact a British cartoon produced for the ITV network, with Nickelodeon merely picking up the American broadcast license.

Here's a batch of classic Nickelodeon commercials.

Jump to the 2:39 mark for Count Duckula!

Count Duckula was broadcast during the golden era of Nickelodeon. It shared the airwaves with other classics like Clarissa Explains It All, Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Double Dare! For a horror cartoon, it was just scary enough to make you sit on the edge of your seat, only to find yourself laughing at how stupid the Count actually was.

Besides having a cartoon, Count Duckula received a series of comics from Marvel and a video game for the Commodore 64.

Though the goofy Count hasn't been heard of since his show ended, I hope he'll perhaps make a return someday. Maybe he's still rolling around Transylvania, stealing artichoke hearts and making a grand old fool of himself.

And now, enjoy a full episode of Count Duckula!

Count Duckula -- Return of the Curse of the Secret of the Mummy's Tomb [S2:E17]

More Than Just A Game.

For those of you that have used practically any version of the Microsoft Windows operating system since 1990 (Version 3.0), you're most certainly familiar with the game Solitaire. We've all known it as a simple card game -- shuffle through the deck, create chains and complete the four foundation piles. But... there's something you don't know about Solitaire.

It was never intended for entertainment or fun.

Windows 3.0 included Solitaire as a tool for easing computer users into the new computing paradigm. On through the late 1980's, many computers functioned via command line operating systems, like MS-DOS for example. There were no windows or screens to click, nor a mouse to point at what you wanted to do on the screen. The user would type a command and enter it into the computer, which would then run whatever task or program that was asked of it. It looked much like the image below. I'm fondly reminded of playing the DOS version of Battle Chess. Man, I loved that game!

Old school computing at its finest.

If you don't remember using a command line operating system, then you're young.

As a way of introducing computer operators to the new functionality of a graphical user interface, Solitaire was included as a means of acclimation. That's right folks, there was a time when computers didn't use a mouse. For you youngsters out there, that must seem ridiculous... but it's totally true. Solitaire, which relies solely upon the computer mouse to be played, did just that -- it taught computer users how to use a mouse. With Solitaire as a simple disguise, you would learn how to click, drag and drop, and so forth. It was all quite ingenious really. And to think, that was a meager twenty-five years ago. Operating a computer mouse is instinctive at this point; we all know how to use one!

Just for laughs, here's a game play video of Battle Chess on DOS. Those sure were the days!

The Future of the Toy Industry.

I am in the business of providing toys and collectibles to people of all ages, both young and old. From Transformers to Nintendo, Hot Wheels to Monopoly -- I sell all kinds of things to all sorts of people. I take pride in what I do. After walking away from a career in banking to work for myself, I can say over four years later that it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Not only has my mental health improved since I began my own business, but also my physical health. I am my own boss. I set my own work hours. I make the decisions that directly affect the success of my business. Starting my business, The Cybertron Armory, has brought nothing but happiness to me.

In short -- I love my job.

Transformers featured in the 1985 Sears Holiday Wish Book Catalog.

As a retailer of toys both old and new, I stay abreast of the trends that take place in the toy market. I walk the aisles of department stores looking to see what kids are buying these days. As I like to say -- today's kid is tomorrow's collector. LEGO is consistently popular. Barbie has taken a back seat to Monster High. Hot Wheels and other die-cast vehicles don't interest nearly as many kids as they once did. Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are two of the great success stories in the toy industry. G.I. Joe has gone AWOL from the toy aisle. Board games and puzzles are relegated to a tiny corner shelf.

The toy industry has become more concentrated as the years have gone by. When I was a kid, there were dozens of various toy lines dedicated just to action figures, let alone droves of others for creative play, drawing, roleplay, games and the like. Thundercats, Visionaries, Rock Lords, Jem, Star Wars, Dino Riders, Polly Pocket and the Inhumanoids are just a few of the hundreds of series developed by manufacturers throughout the '80s and '90s. There was vast diversity among toys as recently as twenty years ago.

D'Compose, Metlar and Tendril were the major villains in the Inhumanoids toy series. These figures were gigantic, as well as a little scary.

Today, that has all changed. There are only a few major players in the toy industry -- chiefly Hasbro, Mattel and LEGO. Where there once stood a multitude of toy brands, there are now only a handful. For example, while walking through the action figure aisles of the toy department in my local Target, here are the brands I could spot, as well as their respective owners:

• WWE - Mattel
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Playmates
• Power Rangers - Bandai
• Transformers - Hasbro
• Star Wars - Hasbro
• Marvel Comics - Hasbro
• DC Comics - Mattel
• Imaginext - Mattel

That's right -- only eight major action figure toy series by my count. Twenty five years ago, there would have been a couple dozen hanging on the shelves. As the decades have progressed, only the most successful toy lines have withstood the test of time. The market for kids to desire these types of toys has become smaller and more dense, with less variety to choose from.

Star Wars is one of the cornerstones of the toy industry, but even its market share has shrunk. These days, it is marketed more towards adult collectors.

What do I believe has caused this to happen? Modern technology, of course. With the birth of the internet in the '90s, kids started finding new ways to play. What once began as a means to check your email, research book reports and talk in chat rooms has become the prime method for entertainment -- both for the young and old alike. Young boys and girls aren't as interested in dolls, board games and action figures as they once were. In the age of high-powered video game consoles, smart phones, tablets and the internet, traditional toys simply don't hold up like they once did. Why play with a Captain America doll when you can play as Captain America on your Playstation 4?

Amiibos from Nintendo are a clear example of how toys and video games

have begun to merge into one entity.

This change in how children play is interesting to watch from my position. Children simply aren't entertained as easily as they once were. What does that hold for the future? Will traditional toys become a thing of the past in my lifetime? Are the children of today the last to enjoy toys that require the sole use of their imagination?

Toys are in a clear state of transition to the digital landscape.

In terms of the business side of things, I will always have a customer base. Adult collectors will continue to buy up the toys of their youth, trying to reclaim a lost sense of comfort. Yet, as I get older, so too will the collector. Future retailers may not have a customer base to sell toys and collectibles to because kids simply won't play with them anymore. It's a bleak situation, but one must accept reality -- the toys we see today may not be around in the future. For now, I enjoy the work that I do. I help people have fun and feel happy. That's a powerful motivation to continue in my line of work. Knowing that each and every toy I mail out to a customer is going to be cherished, to make someone jubilant... that's very satisfying for me.

If you are looking for a toy or collectible from your youth, contact me. If I don't already have it, I can help you find it. Or, visit my store on eBay. Either way -- take advantage of the time frame we live in. Be thankful that you can still buy an Optimus Prime or a Barbie. Future generations may not be so lucky.

We live in an age where Barbie has been surpassed by Monster High.

Dead Soda Brands From Our Youth.

As I grew older, I came to realize the folly of drinking too many soft drinks. In fact, I haven't had a regular soda pop in many years. Every once in a blue moon, I'll partake in a diet soda. This is usually to create a mixed adult beverage, though.

Diet Cheerwine and Bacardi Black Rum, anyone?

When I was a kid, my parents kept our home fully stocked with all sorts of soda pop; so much so that drinking water seemed wrong. Yeah... thanks parents. I'm lucky I've never had a cavity.

Thinking back, I remember all of the great sodas I had in my youth -- RC Cola, Dr. Pepper and Cherry Pepsi just to name a few. But, what about some of the discontinued and forgotten sodas? Where did they go? Here are three to invigorate your memory.

Surge was released in 1996 by Coca-Cola to combat the rising popularity of Mountain Dew. Obviously, they failed miserably. By 2003, it was totally discontinued. Surge was marketed as one of the first soda/energy drink hybrids and played heavily into the extreme sports fad of the '90s. Ultimately, Surge was brought back late last year in limited supply -- you can only order it online at Amazon.

Here's an oldie that I loved to drink back in the day -- Slice. Beginning in 1984, it came in many different flavors, including (but not limited to) fruit punch, peach, mandarin orange, pineapple, lemon-lime and strawberry. The fruit punch flavor was awesome, as was the mandarin orange. I remember not liking the peach flavor, though. The lemon-lime flavor was the springboard for Sierra Mist, which has since become the chief national competitor to Sprite. By 2000, production of most Slice flavors was scaled back heavily. In 2005, the line was completely eradicated by parent company PepsiCo. I have read in multiple places that select flavors of Slice are exclusively available at certain Wal-mart locations, but I've never personally seen them.

Ahhhh... good old Crystal Pepsi. You were utter crap. I tasted you twice back in 1992 and was absolutely disgusted. I remember the exact place I first tasted Crystal Pepsi -- I was in the parking lot at the long shuttered Star Value grocery store in Victoria, Virginia. I got one out of a vending machine (remember when soda pops cost a quarter). What a waste of twenty five cents! My brother Josh seemed to enjoy Crystal Pepsi, if I remember correctly. How, I have no idea. I can still remember the flavor -- it tasted like a flat, bitter tonic water with a dash of syrup. It was absolutely awful. By 1994, it had vanished from store shelves. To this day, I can still recall the Crystal Pepsi commercial that featured Van Halen singing "Right Now". Yeah... your soda sucks RIGHT NOW is more like it. Crystal Pepsi hasn't been seen since, much to the delight of everyone.