Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

I don't have much to say with today's blog, but I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on something special to me. At this, the most wonderful time of the year, I wanted to say thank you to my maternal grandparents.

I already had an Atari gaming system by the time I was seven years old (thanks cousin DJ), so video games were an entity that I was familiar with. But, something glorious was about to happen. My Grandma and Grandpa gifted to my brother Joshua and I our original Nintendo Entertainment System at Christmas in the year 1989.

The gift that started it all -- the Nintendo Action Set.

For twenty five years, I've been playing original NES games -- Mario, Donkey Kong, Final Fantasy, The Legend of Zelda, Mega Man... the list goes on an on. I owe it all to my grandparents, to which I'm very thankful. I'm thirty-two years old this year and have amassed hundreds of NES game cartridges; my collection continues to grow.

Having a Nintendo helped shape who I was as a child. It encouraged creativity and strategic thinking at an early age. My Nintendo pushed me to think outside the box and solve puzzles. That little grey box took me on an adventure.

I've been hooked ever since.

My Nintendo is still hooked up and ready to play at a moment's notice. I don't have to worry about scratched discs or a faulty internet connection. You just open the front flap, insert the cartridge and press the power button (a few seconds of blowing on the cartridge might be necessary). We might live in a hyper-realistic digital gaming age, but all I need to be happy are eight tiny bits.

Grandma, Grandpa... wherever you are in this universe... thanks.

The Black Friday Power Sword Debacle.

Tonight's blog is being written live from the road. I'm currently cruising along Interstate 85 southbound towards home. I am riding shotgun and Crystal is driving. Tonight, I was lucky enough to enjoy a fantastic Vietnamese dinner with my brother Joshua and his wonderful better half Niki. Today has been a day for the record books. From here on, it shall forever be known as THE BLACK FRIDAY POWER SWORD DEBACLE!

Many months ago, I tracked down an elusive birthday gift for Josh. As a child, one of his favorite toys was the He-Man Power Sword. It's electronic with flashing lights, sounds and a motion-sensitive blade. I wanted to find Josh one to replace it and bring back some of that childhood fun! Thankfully, I found a really nice one earlier in the year with the original box. It worked perfectly!

Jump to today. I was to meet Josh for a post-Thanksgiving meal, to which I was also going to give him his birthday gift. I tested the Power Sword this morning before wrapping it... and the electronics failed to work! I was totally heartbroken, to say the least.

I immediately scoured eBay for a replacement Power Sword. Luckily enough, I found one in Apex, North Carolina. I made a detour through Apex on my way to Richmond to visit Joshua. There was one small catch, though. The Power Sword I'd found in Apex had a corroded battery compartment. With Crystal driving, I did my best to clean the corrosion whilst headed north to Richmond.

Long story short, the impossible was accomplished. A replacement He-Man Power Sword was acquired in the nick of time and the gift was complete. All this was done while going down the highway and working under high pressure. Admittedly, I got extremely lucky finding a replacement in Apex. The He-Man Power Sword is a tough vintage toy to locate. But, all the hard work was worth it to see my brother smile. I love him to death.

Such a boss.

Also, a big thanks to Crystal, whom guaranteed the success of today's mission. Without her, I surely would have failed.

I hope you enjoy the sword Josh. BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!

Positive.

I readily admit that I've discussed many horrible and depressing bits of my past on this blog. Hey, that's the purpose of this creative outlet -- to get rid of all the emotional weight that's been dragging me down for years. If you'll let me, I'd like to concentrate on some of the great things in my life.

That's right -- I'm going to be positive for a change.

I'm thankful for the family that is still in my life.

My two brothers -- Josh and James -- you're the two best damn brothers a guy could ever ask for.  Josh came along when I needed a little brother the most. I was already a miserable wretch in elementary school; you helped to socialize me. You were my confidant, my ally. Remember when we fought an entire school bus full of kids? Remember how we would put rocks in our snow balls? Remember the late night drives and silly antics on the highway? I sure do.

James has always been a better version of me. A free thinker, a rebel, a master of the tongue -- you are an improvement upon me in every way possible. You've always been my little buddy, though. Believe it or not, I always looked forward to you sleeping in my room at night for comfort and security. Oops - didn't mean to embarrass you there, kiddo. You've grown into a man I completely respect in every way. Now we've just got to get you out into the world so you can spread righteous change to the masses!

My little sister Julie -- goodness, you've grown up so fast. Though I have a hard time seeing it now, I'm sometimes lucky enough to catch a rare glimpse of the sweet little sister inside you. I'm reminded of the endless loop that was your Daisy-Head Mayzie video tape. Or... how about when I taught you how to defend yourself against brash little boys in grade school? I seem to recall some boys wishing they never met you. Though you sometimes credit me with making you tough, I disagree. You were born tough. I just helped you see it a little more clearly.

I'm thankful for the aunts and uncles that have stayed in touch with me, even throughout the turmoil with my folks. My Aunt Jackie - ever the fighter. You have been the voice of reason so many times in the past. You were there for my little sister when she desperately needed someone. I won't forget that.

My Uncle Billy and Aunt Kathy -- my beacon of hope in a desert far, far away. Do you two know just how great you are? I appreciate the text messages, the emails, the little gifts in the mail. You're a connection to my preceding generation that I lost somewhere along the way. I appreciate you more than I may let on. Here's to us seeing each other soon.

Last, but certainly not least, I'm thankful for the love of my life. Crystal -- you're the lemon in my tea; the cheese on my pizza; the hot sauce on my beans. You make everything about me better. I've been pretty damn miserable for a long time. For many years, you've stuck by me, supported me, carried me. You even convinced me to go into business for myself. I've lost count the number of times I've cried on your shoulder. (Yes, real men cry. Deal with it people.) I'm not perfect, yet you've stayed anyway. Often times, I've expressed how guilty I feel for keeping you chained to me. Yet, you always reply with love and compassion. Though you tell me otherwise, I'll never believe I fully deserve something as perfect as you in my life. You've taken this big, grumpy lug of a man and turned him into a slightly less big, somewhat less grumpy lug of a man. Progress, right?

Crystal... I'd write you a love letter, but there aren't enough words in this universe to finish it.

Quite the contrary to my disposition, I'm grateful for so many things in my life. Many of you (even if I didn't mention you by name) have been there for me when I needed a friend, a lover, a companion. The best way I can repay your kindness is by living my life to the fullest. My life must be long and full of success. Thanks to my steady exercising and improved diet, I've dropped thirteen pounds and regained much of my muscle mass. I recently had an annual blood screening come back with great numbers. My cholesterol is quite low. I'm not at risk for diabetes or heart disease. Believe it or not folks, I'm the healthiest overweight guy you'll ever meet! I'm on track to live a long time... and that's good.

One day too late.

In my life, I have collected a vast assortment of 'What If' moments.

As I sit here writing this blog entry, I can't help but consider all the paths my life might have taken had certain events not happened how and when they did. I'll discuss a few.

What if I weren't born?

Well, my mom and dad certainly wouldn't have stayed together. In the time since my mother's passing, I've learned from others some important details as to my birth. Apparently, I was the anchor that kept my parents together. Though my mother was in an abusive relationship, the pregnancy made her stay. Great - so my spawning kept her in a bad marriage. And I wonder why my mother and I never really connected! Deep down, she probably despised my existence. Everything that was wrong in her world was manifest in me. When my mom was real bad off before her demise, I asked her if there was anything she needed to tell me; anything that she needed me to know before she was gone. She said nothing. There is one positive spin on my parents staying together... my younger siblings. Josh, James, Julie - you each hold a piece of my heart. You are my family, forever and always. Nothing will ever shake us. You are my rock and my everything.

What if I'd gone off to a proper college?

This one is a frickin' joke and upsets me to this day. I like to think I'm a smart guy. At the very least, I'm versatile, eager to learn and quick to pick up information. Some perspective: I had no desire to be my high school class valedictorian because it meant nothing to me (the soured-up socialite that took that honor can keep it). If I'd wanted the "honor", it would have been mine. To this day, I still laugh at our graduation ceremony. Literally, I fell asleep on stage with the other honor graduates out of sheer boredom. Upon graduating high school, I'd been accepted to not one, but three different colleges. Those institutions were Boston University, Emory and Washington University in St. Louis. Did I go to any of them? No. Why? Because I was too nice of a guy. I hung around Southside Virginia for the sake of an unnamed family member to assist in their entrance to community college. Yet, they ultimately never went to school because they copped out. And there I was - a guy that could have gone on to a finer institution... dealing with rudimentary hogwash at a two-bit rural community college. It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And to think - my folks didn't assist one bit with college. Not a book, not a class... nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not even a "Kiss my ass, Jared". You know... taking some interest in my continuing education would have been appreciated.

What if I'd spoken up sooner?

I've never spoken about this information publicly, so please bear with me.

The year was 1999. I cared about a fellow classmate in high school very much; had for a few years. I'm not going to say I loved her because I was young and wouldn't have even known what love was. Not only was I young, but I'd never even had a date with a girl. That being said... I had feelings for someone quite special. We were friends and worked together on our school yearbook. We exchanged emails fairly often. Sometimes we'd eat lunch together. I was still a timid young man, though. Talking to a girl was scary, to say the least. As her senior prom rolled around (she was a year ahead of me), it took me forever to work up the nerve to ask her to go with me. And... I waited too long to ask. Some other schmuck had asked her already (yes, he was and forever will be a schmuck). But, she didn't get weirded out by my asking. Surprisingly, she responded positively to my asking. Even though she graduated, we stayed in touch. We'd call each other on the phone and talk. Finally, roughly two months after her graduation, I'd worked up enough courage to ask her out again. And... this time she said yes! I was thrilled beyond anything I'd ever known at that point in my life. She said that she'd already made plans for that evening, but that we'd definitely go out the next day. Boy... was I a happy guy.

Then, the next day came. She was gone.

Little did I know at the time that the plans she had for that fateful evening would lead to her own passing. I won't go into details out of respect for her. Many of you, my former classmates, will know the particulars of what happened. If you're curious, contact me directly for further info. Albeit, I was devastated. I didn't show my pain - I bottled that up too (just like everything else). There I was, facing my own fear and realizing a horrible truth - I waited just one day too long. What if I'd asked her out one day sooner? I could have saved her life. I could have taken her to a different place to be around better people. I could have done something... anything... and she'd still be on this planet.

I was one day too late. It was all my fault.

To this day, I still can't listen to Don Henley's The Boys of Summer without choking up. That song was playing on the radio when I learned she died. The girl in the song? That's her - brown skin shining in the sun indeed. Her face will never leave me. I can close my eyes and still see her. Sometimes, at night, thinking about all this and her keeps me awake. What am I saying - it's quite often in fact. Now obviously I can't speculate that we'd have worked out. Who knows where life would have taken us? But, had I of spoken up one day sooner, perhaps a beautiful young woman would still be with us. I'll always carry this burden, as I should.