What Would I Put In My Nostalgic Man Crate?

I was recently asked by Alex, one of the fine folks at Man Crates, to share my ideas for a classic Nostalgia-themed gift crate. They're a new company that provides awesome gifts for men that come in wooden crates which need to be opened with a crowbar!

"The idea is for you to tell us all about your personal memories in a post on your blog. If it wasn’t Ferris Bueller, what other movies were always in your VCR?  What was the one gift you always wanted for your birthday, but never seem to come your way?  We want to hear what items you would want in a nostalgic crate."

Of course, I was happy to oblige. This is squarely in my wheelhouse! So, what would I personally insert into a nostalgic crate? Here are six things that would definitely gain entry into my sentimental Man Crate box of goodness.

Remember when 'King Size' candy bars were actually King-sized?

1. Zero Candy Bar - By far, this is my most favorite sweet treat. I must have consumed at least one a week when I was young. It was my grandfather whom introduced me to the Zero Bar. Being that my grandparents lived in a rural area with not much to do, we would take joy rides to the local (meaning only) gas station. He'd always give me a few dollars to spend once there. This usually entailed getting a soda pop, some trading cards (more on that in a moment) and a candy bar. On our first trip, he recommended a Zero Bar. This is one deceptively delicious candy bar. It breaks away from the standard chocolate-covered candy bar trend. Instead, an eye-catching white chocolate coating hides an almond-nougat, peanut and caramel center. The taste is something I can't quite describe... but oh is it so good. It amazes me how so few people have ever heard of the Zero Bar. But, if you know where to look, you can easily find it (Amazon, Hershey's Store).

2. Garbage Pail Kids Trading Cards - As mentioned with the Zero Bar, I also regularly obtained tradings cards in my youth. Make no mistake, the Garbage Pail Kids were the absolute best. Dead Ted, Roy Bot, Grim Jim, Spikey Mikey and Soured Howard -- my list of GPK favorites could go on and on. For an odd chap like me, Garbage Pail Kids was a celebration of the ironic, morbid and weird. Each pack held within it a creative, gut-busting surprise that brightened my day every time. Thankfully, GPK cards are still in production by Topps to this day and can be purchased via their web store or in person at your local department store.

3. Godzilla - If there's one thing I enjoyed as a kid, it was monster movies. I still do, to be honest. Godzilla isn't called the King of the Monsters for no reason; he's trashed every giant mutant freak from Tokyo to Toledo! The Big G is an icon to millions of people worldwide, especially to the young and young at heart. Perhaps one of the most interesting pieces of Godzilla-themed memorabilia I've seen recently is the NECA Reel Toys 12" Classic Video Game Appearance Godzilla Action Figure. It comes in a special window box which recreates the original retail packaging of the actual Nintendo Entertainment System Godzilla video game. The figure is decorated in a very pixelated manner, mirroring how Godzilla looked in the game. How cool is that?! Speaking of video games...

4. Final Fantasy - When it comes to the most deeply enthralling, thought-provoking video game of my childhood, Final Fantasy holds that honor. Role Playing Games (RPGs) were my favorite genre of video game growing up. An RPG requires intelligence, skill and strategy to be successful. The Final Fantasy series encompassed all the elements of a superior RPG... and more. I was lucky enough to receive the first Final Fantasy game on the Nintendo Entertainment System as a child. As to Final Fantasy II for the Super Nintendo, I only ever had the chance to borrow it from a friend for a short time. I never even held a copy of Final Fantasy III until I was an adult with my own career and income. As I grew older, I came to realize that Final Fantasy II was actually Final Fantasy IV, just with a new name for the North American market. The same goes with Final Fantasy III, which is really Final Fantasy VI. There were three other Final Fantasy games released in that era that never even made the trip from Japan to America. Thankfully, Final Fantasy I through VI have all since been re-released in one form or another over the years. Yet, if you want to play the original Final Fantasy, you can still find used copies for less than $20. Score!

5. Combos - The preferred snack food of choice in my youth was certainly Combos. Those tiny little treasure troves of taste were AWESOME! I can remember enjoying nearly every flavor available back then -- Cheddar Cheese, Pizza and the long since discontinued Peanut Butter (bring it back please!). Combos are still in production and distributed by Mars, Inc., much to the elation of everyone!

"Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke."

6. The Blue Brothers - This isn't even up for debate. If one movie is going into my customized Man Crate, then it has to be The Blue Brothers. I watched this movie non-stop as a kid. The car chases, the music, the witty one liners and non-stop hilarity... I love this movie more than any other. My original copy of The Blue Brothers was a poorly recorded, formatted for television copy on a blank VHS tape. In the early '90s, I finally managed to receive an actual, official VHS copy. Rapturously, The Blues Brothers has since received the proper treatment on DVD and ultimately Blu-Ray many times over. Recently released was the very classy Blu-Ray Steelbook Edition of The Blues Brothers, featuring both the theatrical and extended cuts of the film in marvelous high definition. Hit it!

So there you have it, my friends. Six wonderfully nostalgic things from my youth that I'd insert into my very own Man Crate. Perhaps they'll use some or all of these ideas for a future release. Either way, I'm very thankful to Alex for reaching out to me. Here's to celebrating our memories and making new ones!

1980's Television Retrospective: 1985 - 1986.

There was no better decade for prime-time television than the 1980's. In this series of retrospective articles, I hope to share my love of this televised decade with you. Perhaps I'll jog your memory of a hit from the past. Better yet, maybe I'll introduce you to something new to watch! In this series, I'll be analyzing each year of the decade in no particular order.

Tonight, I'll start with the 1985 - 1986 season.

Here's the rundown of each network by day, along with my comments. Please note that this list will not include news programs, sporting events, network broadcasts of feature films or made for television movies. Also, the Fox Network had yet to make its premiere, so you won't see any listings for them. If a program moved around the schedule within the season, I'll only mark it once with the day it premiered originally.

Punky Brewster

Sunday

ABC - Ripley's Believe It or Not, MacGyver,
CBS - Murder She Wrote, Crazy Like a Fox, Trapper John, M.D.
NBC - Punky Brewster, Silver Spoons, Fathers and Sons, Amazing Stories, Alfred Hitchcock Presents

• As a kid, the two big ones for me were MacGyver and Punky Brewster. I followed both programs and watched them faithfully. To be honest, I probably had a small crush on Punky (who didn't?). Who thought a program about an orphaned girl would be so darn appealing? As to MacGyver, he was the MAN! I can remember trying to guess every week what devices he'd cook up in the episode. It premiered in the fall of 1985, went on for seven seasons and two made-for-television movies. MacGyver went down as one of the most successful shows of the 1980's.

Cagney and Lacey

Monday

ABC - Hardcastle and McCormick

CBS - Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Kate & Allie, Newhart, Cagney & Lacey

NBC - TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, You Again?, Valerie

• There really wasn't much for me to watch as a kid on Monday nights this season. In terms of '80s TV nostalgia, this night has come to be known as "The Night of And's". You can obviously see why. TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes was decent. I recall watching it for the animated segments drawn by MAD Magazine's very own Sergio Aragones! As I've grown older, though, I've come to like and appreciate Newhart. Cagney & Lacey was a program I watched occasionally, but don't remember too much of it. It's great to watch in reruns, though. Interesting fact -- in the first season of Cagney and Lacey, Meg Foster (They Live) originally portrayed Cagney. She was replaced after the first season by the fantastic Sharon Gless because CBS's executives thought Foster gave off too much of a lesbian vibe. Times sure have changed for the better in that department!

The A-Team

Tuesday

ABC - Who's the Boss?, Growing Pains, Perfect Strangers, Moonlighting, Our Family Honor, Spenser: For Hire 

CBS - Hometown, Stir Crazy, Melba, Charlie & Co., Mary, Foley Square, The Equalizer

NBC - The A-Team, Riptide, Hunter, Remington Steele, Stingray

• Tuesday night was one of the best nights on television during the 1985-1986 season. I had tons of great shows to watch, but there was always a tough decision to make at 8 PM -- do I watch Who's the Boss? or The A-Team? Usually, The A-Team won out if I had any control over the television remote (that wasn't always the case). I can remember my mother not caring for The A-Team very much, but it wasn't a huge loss. To this day, I think Tony Danza is highly under-rated as an actor. Perfect Strangers was a show I can remember being very fond of, but not at this point. It premiered with a short six-episode run in the spring of 1986 before it found its way to Friday night in 1988. There, Perfect Strangers would go on to become a fan favorite with TGIF! In terms of greatness, though, the best show was by far the new series The Equalizer. Many times, I would sneak into the hallway and try to watch this from afar without getting caught by my parents. As I grew older, I was allowed to stay up later and watch it -- particularly with my grandpa when I stayed overnight with my grandparents! Robert McCall stands proudly in the pantheon of great television characters, in my opinion. The stellar performance by Edward Woodward turned me into a lifelong fan of his work. Moonlighting was a series I didn't watch until I was much older, but it's an instant romantic-comedy classic in a time before rom-com's were at thing.

Airwolf

Wednesday

ABC - The Insiders, Dynasty, The Hotel

CBS - Fast Times, West 57th, Tough Cookies, Crazy Like a Fox, Airwolf

NBC - Highway to Heaven, Hell Town, Blacke's Magic, Gimme a Break!, St. Elsewhere

• Wednesday was sort of the bummer night during this season. Not much aired that I liked except for Airwolf , but I rarely got to see it because it was on at 10PM. I watched a lot of Highway to Heaven, though I didn't like it as a kid. As a teenager, I came appreciate the sincerity of the program and grew to like it during syndication. I remember Gimme a Break! distinctly for Nell Carter, a fine comedic actress in her own right. Gimme a Break! is also where successful actor Joey Lawrence hit it big as a child star.

Simon & Simon

Thursday

ABC - The Fall Guy, Lady Blue, Shadow Chasers, The Colbys

CBS - Magnum, P.I., Simon & Simon, Bridges to Cross, Knot's Landing

NBC - The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court, Hill Street Blues

• Thursday was another very difficult evening to watch television. At 8PM during the fall, you had The Fall Guy going up against Magnum, P.I.! Talk about difficult to choose. Many times, I can recall flipping back and forth between the two programs because I loved them both so much. Ten minutes here, then minutes there -- I'd work up a sweat just trying to keep up. Thankfully, both shows would be repeated on other nights throughout the week, so I could catch up if I missed something. Simon & Simon aired in the Magnum, P.I. slot during the spring, but it didn't make the choice any easier. I loved all three programs. As luck would have it, Simon & Simon was very successful in syndication, so I saw many of the episodes I missed previously. Hands down, it's one of the best private detective shows ever produced. Cheers and Night Court were also programs I watched fairly regularly. Obviously, Cheers went on to become the most successful series of the 1980's. The Cosby Show, believe it or not, wasn't something that appealed to me at all -- and it still doesn't. Considering how popular it was, my sentiment is certainly in the minority. Maybe I just don't get its vibe.

Knight Rider

Friday

ABC - Webster, Mr. Belvedere, Diff'rent Strokes, Mr. Sunshine, Benson, He's the Mayor, Joe Bash, The Love Boat

CBS - The Twilight Zone, Leo & Liz in Beverly Hills, Dallas, Falcon Crest

NBC - Knight Rider, Misfits of Science, The Last Precinct, Miami Vice

• WHOA! In the 1980's, Friday night was not a death slot where TV shows went to slowly die like today. I usually watched (geeked out over) Knight Rider unless it was a rerun, to which I then watched Webster and Mr. Belvedere. For some reason, I don't believe I was even aware of The Twilight Zone as a kid, which was a real pity. The '80s revival series was a great one and still holds up if you watch it today. While I didn't watch them, both Dallas and Falcon Crest were huge programs that dominated the ratings. Perhaps the biggest of all the programs shown on Friday was Miami Vice, which has come to epitomize much of what the '80s represents. Miami Vice didn't really appeal to me as a kid, either. I wouldn't appreciate it until later on in syndication, when I was older.

The Golden Girls

Saturday

ABC - Hollywood Beat, The Redd Foxx Show, Mr. Sunshine, Lime Street, Lady Blue, Fortune Dane 

CBS - All Repeats

NBC - The Facts of Life, The Golden Girls, 227, All Is Forgiven, Hunter

• Saturday was usually the day networks would broadcast repeats of their programs from earlier in the week. This gave folks like me the chance to catch up on shows that I'd missed due to competition or a bed time (Magnum, P.I., Fall Guy, Airwolf, etc.). Though, NBC premiered a massive hit that went on to win many awards over the course of seven seasons -- The Golden Girls. While I didn't appreciate it in its first-run, The Golden Girls became a show I watched later on in syndication. I was just too young to "get it" at the time. While not something I made a point to watch, my grandma absolutely LOVED Hunter. It seems like she screamed commands at the show every time she watched it. Look out, Hunter!

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

I don't have much to say with today's blog, but I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on something special to me. At this, the most wonderful time of the year, I wanted to say thank you to my maternal grandparents.

I already had an Atari gaming system by the time I was seven years old (thanks cousin DJ), so video games were an entity that I was familiar with. But, something glorious was about to happen. My Grandma and Grandpa gifted to my brother Joshua and I our original Nintendo Entertainment System at Christmas in the year 1989.

The gift that started it all -- the Nintendo Action Set.

For twenty five years, I've been playing original NES games -- Mario, Donkey Kong, Final Fantasy, The Legend of Zelda, Mega Man... the list goes on an on. I owe it all to my grandparents, to which I'm very thankful. I'm thirty-two years old this year and have amassed hundreds of NES game cartridges; my collection continues to grow.

Having a Nintendo helped shape who I was as a child. It encouraged creativity and strategic thinking at an early age. My Nintendo pushed me to think outside the box and solve puzzles. That little grey box took me on an adventure.

I've been hooked ever since.

My Nintendo is still hooked up and ready to play at a moment's notice. I don't have to worry about scratched discs or a faulty internet connection. You just open the front flap, insert the cartridge and press the power button (a few seconds of blowing on the cartridge might be necessary). We might live in a hyper-realistic digital gaming age, but all I need to be happy are eight tiny bits.

Grandma, Grandpa... wherever you are in this universe... thanks.

Going Home.

I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to write about today. A few potential subjects popped into my head - the dinosaur ankylosaurus, celtic music, robots, even how glow-in-dark items work. While I do want to write about these things, today just didn't feel like the day. Though, in my heart, I knew I had to write. Nay, I am compelled to put words down.

So here I am. I'm letting the words lead me to where I need to be.

While trying to decide where this blog post would go, a certain piece of music started playing that reminded me of a feeling. Remember when you would get dressed in fancy clothes as a kid and take a trip to see family at the holidays? I know for me, the most exciting part about Christmas was going to see my maternal grandparents. Even though it was not my own, the sensation was like going home for me. The cookies, the turkey, the PRESENTS! Oh my... the entire season was just so wonderful. It goes much deeper than silly gifts and stuffing my face, though.

I realize the holidays aren't quite here yet, but bear with me in this moment.

If I sit here very still and concentrate, I can remember even the smell of my grandparents' house during the holidays. It's a memory I certainly can't describe to you with mere words, but I'm positive you can appreciate the invocation. Even better was the glow of ornaments and decorations.

A series of silver bells hung over a large mirror in the living room. They would light up and give this strange, but comforting aura as they rested above the mirror's reflective surface. 

My favorite seat in the house was Grandpa's chair. In my mind, I can still feel it.

To the left, a small coffee table with a beautiful lamp. The base of the lamp was bulbous and had an internal light, which was great for use as a nightlight. A beige rotary telephone sat underneath. Oh, how I miss rotary phones. The table itself was always full of great catalogs and magazines to browse through. To the right was where the Christmas tree would always sit on glorious display.

Curled up next to the Christmas tree, with the lights turned down low... that sensation of being at home is still with me.

The shine of the tiny light bulbs on the tree would echo and bounce across the room, making everything sparkle in the darkness. Little wooden ornaments adorned the tree, representing all manner of creatures and people. You just don't see old wooden ornaments like that anymore.

As we grow old and change, I think we all try to copy that feeling of home in our own lives. It's a very difficult feeling to copy, much less copy well.  Even still, if we are able to capture the aesthetic of home, many of those we love so dearly can't be there with us. Sure, they're there in spirit, but to be able to speak to them? To hug them? To get grandma's big sloppy kisses? To feel grandpa squeeze on you one last time?

Times change. People come and go. Memories are all we have.

I must admit -- I'm slightly teary-eyed as I finished that last sentence.

We spend our whole lives in search of going home. For each of us, it's a different road, a different destination. Yet, what we want is the same. The unfortunate part? Some of us get there and some of us don't. What a terrible thing it must be to never get back home again. The empty faces we pass on the street, huddled under soiled blankets and boxes. Surely, those poor souls just want to go home, but somehow lost their way in the fog of real life. What about the lowly inmate, locked behind bars for crimes against their fellow man? Did he or she not start out with good intentions? Did they not want to just feel loved a little bit longer? To find a little bit of solace in the storm? No matter their crime, they too were at one point in their lives just an innocent child. What happened to lead them away from home?

The journey back home is about finding those things that make us feel whole again.

One more meal with those we love. One more hand shake. One more toast to the cook. One more bottle of wine. One more Christmas carol. One more hug. One more moment of knowing the outside world doesn't matter.

As much as it can hurt at times, I'm thankful I've never forgotten these things.

The holidays.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I'll be glad when Christmas is over.

The holidays always stir up awkward and complicated feelings for me. Combine that with the guilt-laden practice of exchanging gifts and the stress of shopping... well, you've got a perfect storm of aggravation.

I'm going to be honest with you -- I've come to despise the gift aspect of Christmas. I don't expect people to give me gifts and I don't want to spend endless hours buying them for others. The disgusting stench of commercialism has completely disintegrated my ideal of the holiday.

What do I envision as the perfect Christmas?

Greetings Cards sent to loved ones. Homes and businesses dressed in lights and ribbons. Uproarious feasts filled with great food and merriment. Stories regaled around a fire. Egg Nog and warm cups of spiced tea. Staying up late to watch It's a Wonderful Life by the colorful glow of the Christmas tree. Kissing your sweetheart. Love.

The gift-giving never really enters into my equation. Am I ok with gifts? Yes, of course. We should all feel compelled to give tokens of gratitude to our family and friends. These gifts should be meaningful and have purpose. They should speak of the compassion and thankfulness deep inside our hearts. Instead, our modern Christmas is filled with frenzied sales at the local department store and mall. "SALE SALE SALE" they scream at us. "BUY NOW, SUPPLIES LIMITED" we're convinced of. Countless droves of gift-givers stand in endless lines for discounted televisions and game consoles. Average human beings are reduced to savages. We lose our sense of companionship, our sense of dignity. These things we spend inflated amounts of time and money on are not gifts. They're just possessions.

In our modern times, gifts have lost their sense of purpose. Instead, they're mechanisms by which we try to impress each another. They are badges of honor, stating "I gave this gift, look at me! I'm somebody special!"

If you're in my circle of family and friends, I don't want you to give me anything. What do I want?

Nothing. Just be yourself. Pick up the phone every once in a while. Write me a letter. Let's go watch a movie. Enjoy a cup of tea with me.

And, if you have a gift you really want to give me, that's all the better. I probably want to give you a gift, too. Not a possession, but an actual gift. Gifts come in all shapes and sizes -- a book with a personal story behind it, an old clock, a letter, a bottle of fine Scotch, a hug. These things are drenched with nostalgia, wonder and love.

As I said, the holidays are a difficult time for me. I think about the Christmases that have come before. Assuredly, I miss the loved ones I can no longer see. Often times, my mind wanders to Christmas at my maternal grandparents' home. Oh, how I long for the holidays there -- the record player spinning old Christmas tunes, the large silver bells hanging over the mirror in the living room, the whimsical old ornaments on the Christmas tree. I'd watch all the great holiday programs Grandpa had recorded on his VCR. Even now, I can remember the smell of all those tapes. Cousin Alex... I don't know how many times I watched a home movie of you when you were young. I wish I knew what happened to that tape. You were a marvelous little baby!

Christmas just isn't the same.

There's no Christmas tree in my home. No lights. No decorations.

Really - I'm not kidding.

I've lost my sense of celebration at the holidays. In it's place is the aforementioned aggravation. The worst part is that I want to celebrate Christmas. I love to send cards to friends and family. I take great joy in making someone else feel happy during this time of year. Yet, when it comes to rejoicing in the delight of the season in my own heart, I just can't seem to find the motivation.

The Ghost of Christmas Past has come and gone. Where is the Ghost of Christmas Present?

Stirred memories.

I dreamed of my maternal grandmother last night.

Typically, my dreams are comprised of mundane events; I'm cooking, shopping, walking through forests, taking a bath, attending a party. It sounds weird, but my dreams usually involve me living a normal life somewhere (and somewhen) else. Sometimes, people from my life will come into my dreams - friends from grade school, the occasional family member, but usually they're strangers to me. Last night was haunting, though. The dream has stuck with me all day. The details are fresh in my mind.

My dream starts out with me in my grandmother's kitchen. Like she often used to do, my grandma is mixing up some powdered milk. As she turns to put her milk in the fridge, she takes a fall in the floor. Mind you, I never knew my grandma to be one for falls, but that's neither here nor there. As she falls, I can see the milk flying through the air and spilling all over us. I get down on my hands and knees and try to pick her up. No such luck, though - I can't get her off the floor. Then, as if I psychically broadcast a call for help, people from all points of my life begin to enter the room. Many of you probably reading this blog were surely there. Exhausted and in despair, I call out to everyone to help me get her up. Yet - no one can hear me. It's like they're phantoms passing through. Crying and still trying to get my grandma up, she looks over to me.

"It's alright Jared, you've tried your best."

I'm crying hard at this point. Eerily, I feel like I was really crying in my sleep; the sensation was that powerful. I lay across my grandma's chest, not understanding why I can't pick her up. Looking at her feet, I notice that they've disappeared. Steadily, my grandma is vanishing. As I look on in disbelief, I can see her eyes staring at me one last time.

And with that... she's gone.

I awoke in a cold sweat this morning, feeling quite peculiar. No... perhaps a better word would be shocked. My heart was racing; my neck was wet... and I've walked around all day feeling like I was hit by a ton of bricks.

My maternal grandmother was always great to me. I can't think of a single memory that involves anything painful. The same goes for my grandpa; they were both incredibly kind to me. From what I know of them before my birth, I know they were different people. That being said, I have an understanding that grandma and grandpa changed in their later years.

My grandmother and grandfather - Fannie Mae and Edward.

If not for my grandma, I probably wouldn't have my deep love for baseball. We used to watch the Atlanta Braves games together on television. She loved the Braves (and the handsome Chipper Jones) and I'm a staunch St. Louis Cardinals fan. We'd get into some heated arguments about baseball, especially when the Cardinals were in town to play the Braves. I'd always accuse the Braves of using corked bats. To this day, I can still see grandma's face every time I'd tell her that (she'd sour up and scoff). To be honest, it was grandma and grandpa's fault that I'm a Cardinals fan anyway. On a trip out west, they stopped in St. Louis and purchased my brother Josh and I Cardinals baseball caps. When they brought them back to us as souvenirs, I was hooked. Sitting at their kitchen table, I can still recall slipping that baseball cap on for the first time. Instantly, I was a Cardinals fan.



My first Cardinals cap.

As you can see, the old hat doesn't fit me too well anymore. My head (as you know from a previous blog post) is a little big for the cap these days. I've kept it clean and secure all these years, though. It means a lot to me. More than you might think.

So here I am, left with a disturbing dream and stirred memories. That's nothing new in my book.