What's The Difference Between A Violin And A Fiddle?

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

Until I researched this answer for myself this evening, I was completely in the dark. I don't know how to play a musical instrument (other than a terrible rendition of Yankee Doodle on the piano), so the fact that I was unaware shouldn't come as any surprise. As much as I love music, I haze zero musical talent.

Believe it or not, there is no physical difference between a violin and a fiddle.

Apparently, the two terms relate more to how the same instrument is played, versus its actual construction. A 'fiddle' can technically play the same music that a 'violin' plays, and vice versa.

So where's the difference? It's all in the music! Fiddles are typically set up and handled for fast and rhythmic traditional folk music. A fiddler wants you to feel the song and dance to it. Alternatively, a violin is geared for orchestral, sweeping music, full of romance and intrigue. Fiddlers possess skills that are drastically different than those of a violinist. While either artist can attempt to play the musical style of the other, they would encounter difficulty succeeding. And yet, the instrument would be largely the same, except for different strings and any accommodating modifications to the bridge of the violin / fiddle.

Here's a short video which better illustrates the difference.

Live365: A Post Mortem.

For nearly sixteen years, I've enjoyed the various radio broadcasters at Live365.com, one of the internet's earliest and most diverse radio broadcasters. Unfortunately, that has all come to an end.

Thanks to new regulations regarding small and medium sized radio broadcasters, Live365 was forced to shut down permanently. The Copyright Royalty Board, which governs the licensing and legality of broadcasting copyrighted content, altered their rate schedule for the 2016-2020 cycle period. As such, the cost for the little guy to broadcast music became exorbitantly more expensive, largely an action viewed as a means to push out everyone but the biggest of broadcasting corporations. Due the increased rate, Live365's investors pulled the plug on the long-running broadcaster.

Live365 is now dead in the water. Their front page currently features a thank you message to all of their former users.

I lament the loss of Live365. Something of a relic from the early days of the internet, Live365 featured a plethora of custom radio stations playing music genres not normally heard on regular terrestrial radio. This is where I came to appreciate Darkwave, Gothic and Synth music in the early 2000's. Numerous Live365 broadcasters also created some great holiday-themed stations, both for Christmas and Halloween, that I returned to year after year. Sadly, the world of corporate music just made it impossible for Live365 to continue on. So many great stations have been lost, featuring under-the-radar and largely undiscovered musicians with a massive amount of talent. Perhaps this is a sign of the evolving times, where individual entrepreneurs and broadcasters are being edged out.. forced to abandon what they so desperately cherish, all for the sake of art.

Live365, you will be missed.

Who Exactly Is Parson Brown?

We've all heard the holiday classic Winter Wonderland. Numerous artists have covered it over the years, from Michael Bublé to Pat Boone. Though, perhaps you haven't fully considered one of the most mysterious parts of the song.

In the meadow we can build a snowman
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man
But you can do the job
When you're in town

For decades we've all collectively listened to this carol, but not once have most of us considered...

Who is Parson Brown?

Well, I've got the answer.

Winter Wonderland was created in 1934 by composer Felix Bernard and the lyricist Richard B. Smith. At the time, there were preachers (typically Protestant or Anglican) whom would travel from one small town to the next. Their mission was to perform wedding ceremonies for couples whom didn't have a local minister of their own faith. These roving ministers were referred to as parsons.

If you understand the context of the lyrics in Winter Wonderland, you'll see that it's about building a snowman and imaging that he is Parson (aka Minister) Brown. From the perspective of children playing and pretending they're in a wedding (kids used to be fairly creative, believe it or not), they are going to ask Parson Brown to perform their wedding ceremony when he arrives in town.

Obviously, lyricist Smith used the surname Brown simply to make his song rhyme better, thereby putting it in unison with the word town that comes up four lines later.

Parson Brown is nothing more than an imaginary preacher snowman. How delightfully simple and sincere!

Trapped On Hold With Terrible Music!

As I write my blog this evening, I'm trapped on hold waiting to speak via telephone with a customer service agent at a web hosting company with which I do business. It's been twenty-two minutes at the start of this article. While I don't mind waiting to speak with someone (I do realize that there are only so many agents to assist callers), I can't help be annoyed.

Their hold music is driving me insane.

Here's the gist of the tune that repeats over and over and over again.

Woo woo woo woooooooo
Random guitar strums
Loud group clap follow by "HEY!"
Do-do-do-doooooooo, hm-hm-hm-hmmmmmmmm
Dhm-dhm-dhm-dhmmmmmmmm

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Aaaaaah!

This music is absolutely terrible. It makes me question why the company would even use it. Surely, they realize that long hold times for customers can raise their stress level. Yet, why antagonize customers even further with annoying, repetitive music? To alleviate the situation, couldn't some smooth jazz be played instead of this third-rate elevator music? Maybe the talents of Chuck Mangione, Mindi Abair or Keiko Matsui could soothe the nerves? Let jazz music fix the problem for you and calm all of the raging beast-mode customers during the long hold times.

But noooooo... Woo woo woo woooooooo.

How about woo woo up your arse?!

Thirty minutes later... still on hold. I've heard this song dozens of times and its eating into my brain. Another idea has occurred to me. Why not play comedic audio plays while on hold? That way, at least the customer would have something to enjoy while waiting to speak with an agent. Heck, play old recordings of comedians for all I care. Just something to break up the monotony.

Woo woo woo woooooooo.

Halloween Light Shows!

If there's one thing I enjoy during the Halloween season, it's watching videos of homes decorated with lights synced to music. The effort these homeowners put into lavishing their abodes with millions of lights is insane to say the least. Yet, I appreciate their hard work for the fine detail just as much, if not more. Not just anyone could compose a perfectly choreographed masterpiece on the front of their house. The ghosts, jack-o-lanterns and chatty demon faces are quite the novelty and certainly interesting to watch. I thought I'd share some of my favorite Halloween light shows with you. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Warren Zevon.

On this day, January 24, Warren Zevon would have been 68 years old. He left us far too soon. Being that it's his birthday, I'd like to take a moment to remember the man as he was.

Many terms could be used to describe Warren -- a lover, a fighter, a sincere pain in the ass and a wordsmith. His extreme talent was only overshadowed by his penchant for hysteria and misanthropy. Warren, in my opinion, is to this day one of the greatest song writers to have ever graced the earth. His ability to weave intricate tales through music rank him with the greats. Amazingly, his songs could reflect the dreary side of existence, comedy, love, horror or a spectacular combination of all the above. Yet, his competitive and self-destructive behavior always seemed to keep him from the limelight he so desperately deserved.

Warren Zevon was not a perfect man by any means. Just ask those closest to him. Yet, even through all the booze and blusterous grandstanding, he somehow remained charming... in his own macabre manner.

His career spanned nearly forty years. Though perhaps best known for the eerily comedic Werewolves of London, Warren's catalog of songs would put most any talented singer-songwriter to shame. There's a reason he garnered the respect of such greats as Bruce Springsteen, Jackson Browne, The Everly Brothers, Bob Dylan, various members of the Eagles, and many more.

As Zevon grew older, he calmed down a great deal and got his life back on track. By the 1990's, he'd put most of his terrible behavior behind him. As such, I believe Zevon mellowed and matured like a fine wine, as did his work. By the time he reached the new millennium, I feel he'd finally gotten comfortable in his own skin. To hell with what others thought of him, Warren was just glad to be alive and doing what he loved.

In 2002, Warren began to have dizzy spells and shortness of breath. Upon finally visiting a doctor, he learned that he had developed peritoneal mesothelioma (caused by exposure to absestos). In an interview with his good friend David Letterman, Warren expanded upon his diagnosis, as well as his grim prospects.

"I might have made a tactical error in not going to a physician for twenty years."

Ever quick-witted with the tongue, Warren somehow took his final months in stride with great candor and self-deprecation. Not one to sit idle and waste away, Zevon completed his magnum opus album before dying -- The Wind. After a career spanning decades and filled with fantastic songs, he finally earned his first Grammy award. Unfortunately, Warren would not live to see it. Warren Zevon passed away on September 7, 2003.

A few years ago, I did a month long tribute to Warren Zevon on my Facebook page. Every day,  I shared one song of his that I enjoyed. As I leave you, I'll revisit some of those great songs with you. Click on the videos below and give them a listen, for Warren's sake. Maybe you're a lapsed fan. Perhaps you're a young person just discovering his music for the first time. Either way, enjoy Warren for what he was.

A smart, talented, ever-so-unique human being.

Sleepless Nights and Why I'm Thankful.

A common scene in my room as a child around 2:00 AM.

For many years as a child, and right on through my teenage years, I didn't sleep much. At one point around age nine, I'm almost certain I developed a case of chronophobia. I'd lay in bed at night, just staring at my clock and counting the minutes away. I was so stressed about making myself fall asleep that I'd become increasingly agitated and upset as the minutes flew by. At some point, I'd simply pass out from exhaustion between 3:00 and 4:00 AM. When you have to get up for school around 6:00 AM, it can be a challenge. Though, somehow I did it and made great grades. My willpower is what pushed me through.

Oddly enough, this blog isn't about my lack of sleep. It's about a side-effect of my condition.

As a consequence of not sleeping, I did a lot of things in the night while my folks were asleep. Books were a common source of entertainment -- I must have plowed through hundreds as a child in this manner. From Chaucer to Conrad, I read it all. Some of my most favorite books were first encountered in this way, like Betty Smith's "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" for example. Many nights were spent drawing and doodling by flashlight and moonlight. One of my favorite late night activities was enjoying music and talk radio. Of course, I made sure to use headphones. Sometimes, my mom or dad would wake me up in the morning and ask why I had a headphone cord wrapped around my neck. What they didn't realize was that when I finally passed out, it would be with the headphones still on. My dreams were often filled with music from the outside world, acting much like a soundtrack to the visions in my head.

To this day, I still have a hard time falling asleep without background noise, like a running television. I guess falling asleep for so many years with headphones on changes you permanently.

During these late night explorations into music and radio, I discovered many things not necessarily intended for children and teenagers. It's at this time that I developed my passion for Pink Floyd, Jethro Tull and Dire Straits. Unbeknownst to my dad, I'd lay claim to the cassettes he'd stack up and never listen to for my personal collection. Pink Floyd's The Final Cut and Jethro Tull's Crest of a Knave were (and still are) my two most beloved albums. I listened to them so much that I could remember them in their entirety in my head. Without having anything to listen to, I could close my eyes, concentrate and listen to a playback of the albums purely from memory. The strange part? I still can. I have permanent copies stored in my brain. While in class at school, I'd often get bored with whatever the teacher was saying. So... I'd zone out, enter my own world, "listen" to my music and escape.

Interesting side note -- the The Final Cut cassette that I co-opted from my dad came from Robby Batte, a highly talented photographer whom many of you may know. It was a copy he loaned my father, to which wound up ultimately in my possession. I still have that tape. To this day, I can remember the first time I looked at it in his car (the Battemobile). I'm eternally grateful to the Batteman for unexpectedly introducing that album into my life at such a young age. How cool is it that ripples from the past still influence our present in small, but powerful ways? Thanks Robby!

I also enjoyed many radio programs throughout the night. In the late '80s and on through the '90s, you could still hear actual disc jockeys on the radio playing real records. Even though I was in Virginia, I could dial in Oldies 100.7 WTRG from Raleigh late at night with little interference. They played Oldies from the '50s and '60s, which is probably why I grew to appreciate rock and roll at such a young age. Their disc jockeys had personality and explained information about the Oldies tracks and their respective artists. Ron McKay was one of the best jockeys on the station and he served WTRG very well -- right until the station changed format in 2004.

On Sunday nights, I could dial in WRDU from Raleigh on 106.1. I'd stay up all night eagerly awaiting Rock Talk with Allan Handelman. Allan was (and still is) a great interviewer. He'd cover the gamut of topics, not just those necessarily related to music -- paranormal, history, pop culture, current events, cinema, television, etc. If you ever get the chance, check his show out at www.ifitrocks.com.

Another program I listened to regularly was LovePhones with Dr. Judy and Jagger. It was your typical sex advice show where people called in with their questions and concerns. This would also play on WRDU 106.1, Monday through Friday at 10:00 PM to midnight. My mom or dad never gave me "the talk", but I never really needed them to anyway. Thanks to programs like LovePhones, along with lots of books, I was already very-well acquainted with the human body, sex and dating. If only I'd had the courage to use that information to get girls to like me in school! I would have been UNSTOPPABLE! The program went off the air around 1998, to which I eventually transitioned to Loveline.

As I look back on that time in my life, I'm thankful I had all those sleepless nights. They certainly played a role in defining my personality. Without them, I don't think I'd have grown up to be so gosh darn interesting!

My Favorite Christmas Carols: Greensleeves

Winchester Cathedral at Christmas - Winchester, Hampshire County, England

I'm back with another of my favorite holiday tunes. Tonight, let's partake in the merriment, have a cup a cider, sit by the fire and enjoy Greensleeves.

This song is much older than you may realize. Greensleeves is a folk melody from England that dates to at least 1580. The earliest known record of Greensleeves exists with the London Stationer's Company (a massive printer and publishing house formed in 1403 which is still in business), but most music historians believe it is much older than that.

The tune's origin has incorrectly been attributed to King Henry VIII for hundreds of years, though it is highly doubtful he had any sort of connection to the writing of the song.

Greensleeves, due to its folk heritage, has been recorded in multiple variations for as long as it has been in existence. Artists from all styles of music have put their spin on the classic. One such example, a personal favorite of mine, is by jazz artist Vince Guaraldi. You may not know his name, but you're certainly familiar with his work. Here's his rendition of Greensleeves, as featured in 'A Charlie Brown Christmas'.

Shockingly, Greensleeves receives a lot of praise from the world of heavy metal music. Countless guitar shredders have performed the melody on their axes of sonic fury! Here's an ass-kicking version from Charlie Parra del Riego.

Finally, how about a whimsical version from the Decade of Excess? Let's try an 8-Bit 1980's Nintendo style version of Greensleeves on for size. I rather enjoy it! It almost reminds me of a track from 'The Legend of Zelda'.

It just wouldn't be the holidays without Greensleeves. What are your thoughts?

My Favorite Christmas Carols: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Good evening everyone. I'm back with another favorite Christmas song of mine. Tonight, I'd like to discuss "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".

I'll readily admit -- this one always gets me a little teary eyed. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" speaks to love of days gone by, to those we've lost over the years, to getting through the tough times... and to the unwavering spirit of humanity. No matter how dark things get... we have tomorrow to look forward to. The holidays are a symbol of hope for us all. We may be surrounded by strife and turmoil, but there's always the chance that tomorrow might just be better than today. Just remember -- live for today and take even the smallest amount of joy in whatever way you can.

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" was written for the 1944 film Meet Me in St. Louis. Judy Garland performed it on film for the first time. Since then, countless artists have recorded the song. The video featured above has the famous recording done by Frank Sinatra. The song's music was written by Ralph Blane and the lyrics were crafted by Hugh Martin. Blane and Martin were a legendary musical duo in the early days of American cinema. Judy Garland, whom was already a major star thanks to The Wizard of Oz, forever sealed this song as a classic. Here is the original version from the film.

While certainly a melancholy and sad song, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is a holiday classic that we all should cherish.

400 Miles.

Today has been a busy day for me. I've logged nearly four-hundred miles today round trip, but it was worth it. James, Julie, Brandon, Niki, Josh -- it was absolutely fantastic to see you. I hope we can all be together again in a few weeks for Christmas.

I don't have much to say this evening because I just got home and I'm quite tired, but I will relay a few thoughts that occurred to me while I was driving. I may expand on these ideas later in the week.

• Steel Guitars produce some of the most beautiful music and they're not nearly used enough in modern recordings.
• Driving down back country roads and seeing Christmas lights on homes is very comforting.
• I discovered a lot of great independent musicians in 2014, even though most modern music is over-processed garbage.
• Dreams are important. Don't ever ignore what your dreams are telling you.
• Always give love a chance, no matter what.

And now, I'll leave you with a forgotten ballad classic (and one of my personal favorites) from 1989. Here's Giant, with "I'll See You In My Dreams".

My Favorite Christmas Carols: Ave Maria.

Well folks, we've finally made it to December. It's that time of year for egg nog and revelry; five golden rings and mall Santas.

That's right - the Christmas season is upon us!

Believe it or not, I'm actually a big fan of Christmas. Sure, I can be a grumpy Scrooge this time of year, but I can also be festive and friendly. That's just my nature! Hot one moment, cold the next. Billy Joel gets me.

Whether you celebrate the season in a religious or secular manner (or a little bit of both), one of the best aspects of Christmas is the music. Such beautiful melodies have been written for this season. This month, I want to highlight different songs that I truly enjoy.

The first song I'm going to feature is Ave Maria. Though the content of the song as it is modernly presented is deeply religious, I enjoy it more for the sheer sound and vocal performance. Unbeknownst to most, Ave Maria actually originates from Austrian composer Franz Schubert. He wrote the original as part of his Opus 52 in 1825, which recants Sir Walter Scott's epic poem The Lady of the Lake. It was later popularized by composer and pianist Franz Liszt (my personal favorite) in 1837 and 1838. Below is a wonderful rendition of Liszt's arrangement of Ave Maria by master pianist Valentina Lisitsa.

Schubert originally wrote Ave Maria in German under the title Ellens dritter Gesang, which translates to 'Ellen's Song'. The meaning was much different than what we hear today. Because the first line of the song was 'Ave Maria', that's what it came to be more commonly known as. Many years after Ave Maria was first published, the Roman Catholic Church adapted Ave Maria to the Latin prayer which coincidentally shares the same name. I'll compare the two texts for you below.

Ave Maria (Ellens dritter Gesang) - Original German Version

Ave Maria!
Jungfrau mild,
Erhöre einer Jungfrau Flehen,
Aus diesem Felsen starr und wild
Soll mein Gebet zu dir hin wehen,
Zu dir hin wehen.
Wir schlafen sicher bis zum Morgen,
Ob Menschen noch so grausam sind.
O Jungfrau, sieh der Jungfrau Sorgen,
O Mutter, hör ein bittend Kind!
Ave Maria!


Ave Maria
Unbefleckt!
Wenn wir auf diesen Fels hinsinken
Zum Schlaf, und uns dein Schutz bedeckt,
Wird weich der harte Fels uns dünken
Du lächelst, Rosendüfte wehen
In dieser dumpfen Felsenkluft.
O Mutter, höre Kindes Flehen,
O Jungfrau, eine Jungfrau ruft!
Ave Maria!


Ave Maria!
Reine Magd!
Der Erde und der Luft Dämonen,
Von deines Auges Huld verjagt,
Sie können hier nicht bei uns wohnen
Wir woll'n uns still dem Schicksal beugen,
Da uns dein heilger Trost anweht;
Der Jungfrau wolle hold dich neigen,
Dem Kind, das für den Vater fleht!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria - Latin Prayer Version

Ave Maria, gratia plena,
Maria, gratia plena,
Maria, gratia plena,
Ave, Ave, Dominus,
Dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus,
Et benedictus fructus ventris (tui),
Ventris tui, Jesus.
Ave Maria!


Sancta Maria, Mater Dei,
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus,
Ora, ora pro nobis;
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus,
Nunc et in hora mortis,
In hora mortis nostrae.
In hora, hora mortis nostrae,
In hora mortis nostrae.

Ave Maria!

As you can see, the Latin prayer version is much shorter with less lyrics. That's why so many of the words are drug out when this version is sung. The music was originally written for more words!

The lyrics aren't the only thing that differs between the two versions of Ave Maria. If you were to translate the original German, you'd discover a song about a desperate woman facing certain death. It's based on the tale of the Lady of the Lake -- Ellen Douglas. Along the shore of Loch Katrine in the Scottish Highlands, Ellen is calling out to the Virgin Mary for help. A rebellion army is climbing the mountain she's sought refuge with her outcast father. Surely, they are to perish in a forthcoming climactic battle. Yet, the Roman Catholic Latin prayer version removes this context entirely. In its place is an ode to the Virgin Mary in blissful worship.

No matter which version you prefer, Ave Maria is elegant, heart-wrenching and deeply passionate. I consider it one of my most favorite of all Christmas Carols. Hopefully, you now feel the same. Below are two fantastic versions of the song, both in the original German and adapted to the Latin prayer.

Maria Callas - Ellens dritter Gesang

Michael Bublé - Ave Maria

And yes... I like Michael Bublé. So sue me. ;-)

Try a Little Tenderness.

This week in the year 1966, one of the finest soul songs ever recorded was released as a single by the sorely missed Otis Redding -- "Try a Little Tenderness".

Redding tragically passed away a little over a year later on December 10, 1967. He was involved in a mysterious plane crash, which to this day has gone without any solid explanation. Within the music industry, Redding was known as a hard-working, honest, philanthropic and all-around friendly guy. His legacy has only continued to grow since his passing. I wish he was alive today, still pumping out heartfelt tunes that awaken the spirit. It's a shame he's gone -- just think of what he could have done with modern music! Soul music would have surely fared far better had he been around to take part in shaping it.

Yet, we have Otis' music to remind us of how great a man he truly was. The music is something that can never be taken from us. Music has made Redding and many other artists sadly taken away too soon immortal.

"(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" was released a month after Redding's death and went straight to number one on the Billboard charts. It was Otis' only number one single, as well as being the first song to ever reach number one after the death of the recording artist.

I like to think that somewhere out there, Otis is still making music.

The Magnificent Pipe Organ.

I'm not sure I've publicly disclosed this before, but I adore pipe organ music. Though I may not be religious, I can always appreciate a church or cathedral that has an actual, playable organ. Organs have this haunting quality that deeply appeals to me. If I had the coordination (and smaller hands) to play a keyboard-like instrument, the pipe organ would be my go-to music maker.

The world's oldest pipe organ which is still in use resides in Switzerland. Dating back to at least 1435, the organ housed within the church of Notre Dame de Valere at Sion is a marvel of construction. While many parts have been refurbished or replaced over the centuries, some components are still original. Imagine it - an instrument that's much older than anything else we can actually put our hands on still makes enchanting music! It has outlived our forefathers and will probably outlive us. Many other organs spread all across the globe are nearly just as old, dating to the mid to late 1400's.

Even with modern technology, constructing a new pipe organ is a daunting task. It first takes years of planning and conceptualization. The type of music being played, as well as the acoustics of the housing location, are taken into consideration. After that, the process to complete the organ takes very precise and exacting steps. Everything must be tuned properly for the organ to sound correct. From there on, the organ will need regular cleaning and maintenance. As such, the pipe organ was long considered mankind's most daring and complex achievement. It took the advent of the modern telephone network of the late 1900's to engulf that position!

Pipe organs originated in Ancient Greece around 300 BC. In the beginning, they were simple water organs known as the hydraulis. Over many centuries, the organ evolved with more pipes, increased air pressure, bellows and refined timbres.

Surely you'll agree - the pipe organ is one of mankind's boldest triumphs. From houses of worship, to concert halls, to the early years of cinema with silent films, the pipe organ has entertained all of humanity. With that, I consider the pipe organ as the most important of all musical instruments.

And now, for your listening enjoyment, here's Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor on the world's largest pipe organ.

For a little bit of fun, here's the Doctor Who theme performed on a pipe organ.

Mixed bag.

I've had a lot of different topics swirling around my head this past month. I figured it best to just throw it all out there and see what would come of it. These are actually some fairly external, topical and mostly tame notes. Essentially... just silly little things I want to talk about.

Whether you know it or not, I really dig small die-cast cars like Hot Wheels and Matchbox. As I've become more acquainted with the online collector community, I've come to realize that I tend to appreciate the types of vehicles most collectors avoid. This type is generally referred to as the "fantasy" or "unlicensed" segment. These are castings that focus on imaginative and creative designs which don't rely upon real cars for inspiration. Here's a photo of my absolute favorite casting - Vampyra.

As you can see, it's a dragon / vampire bat creature on wheels. What's not to love? The first edition release was in purple, which is my favorite color. It's seen probably a dozen different releases since 1986. That being said, most "serious" collectors (as they like to call themselves) feel fantasy cars are for kids. Why? Because they're creative and took some imagination to craft? Or because they might have bright colors? Give me a break. When it comes to die-cast vehicles, I say the more creativity, the better!

What's the deal with people whom blast really loud music out of their rundown cars with poor-quality speakers? Do they realize that their sound quality is one notch below orchestrated leaf blowers? Or does the illusion of coolness alter their senses? I just don't get it. If you're going to play your car stereo really loud, make sure your speakers can provide superb audio clarity.

How come geeks and nerds usually fail to clip their fingernails on a regular basis?

Do they just not notice the layer of black grime that rests below their claws? In my line of work, I encounter man-children on the regular whom have longer fingernails than some women I know. Here's a tip - spend a buck, buy some clippers and cut down those dirt diggers. The first step to finding a girlfriend and escaping that basement you call a "man" cave is good hygiene. While you're at it, wash with some soap.

On a related note... can you hipster ladies quit with the pretentious nerd/geek love? You don't love nerds/geeks. You love the IDEA of loving nerds/geeks. In reality, you're just infatuated with the charming actor whom portrays your latest object of affection(s). Doctor Who... Supernatural... Sherlock... I could go on and on. Or you're just loving the attention from a highly susceptible group of men, whichever. Many of you ladies genuinely appreciate these various programs and I'm cool with that. Equal Opportunity is my middle name. Yet... droves of you (and you know who you are) are just in it for the glory and attention. Move on to some other segment of the population, would you? You're giving these pathetic social rejects known as nerds/geeks a false sense of security. They can't have you. They never will have you. Stop teasing them, would you?

Should have left the condoms at home, boys.

On an even further related note... nerds/geeks really annoy the piss out of me. You live in this impenetrable bubble of fantasy that makes you unbearable to be around. Believe it or not, you CAN enjoy a particular television show, film series or comic and not come off as a total social ignoramus. You're giving those of us fans with common sense, initiative and actual careers a bad name. Drop the fake Sonic Screwdriver, bathe your funky ass, put on a tie, get a job and grow up.

Ever notice how the same people that like modern country music also tend to like modern rap music? Is it because they both sound like flatulent gutter sludge? There seems to be a merging between the two modern music styles, with little difference between them (short of a different set of processed electronic sounds). Let's remember folks...

COUNTRY + RAP = CRAP

Congress currently has an approval rating of 9% (Gallup). Yet, the incumbency rate of Congress as of 2012 was at least 90% (Washington Post). We the People are solely to blame. We have the power to change our Congressmen with every new election. We keep sending the same empty suits to Congress, year after year. 

STOP IT!

Just stop. Vote for someone else. Here's an idea - actually research the person you want to vote for. Try reading past the [D] or the [R] behind a candidate's name on the ballot sheet. Want to fix the shameful inadequacy of our Congress? GET A NEW CONGRESS!

I'm done for now. I think. Later folks!