Live365: A Post Mortem.

For nearly sixteen years, I've enjoyed the various radio broadcasters at Live365.com, one of the internet's earliest and most diverse radio broadcasters. Unfortunately, that has all come to an end.

Thanks to new regulations regarding small and medium sized radio broadcasters, Live365 was forced to shut down permanently. The Copyright Royalty Board, which governs the licensing and legality of broadcasting copyrighted content, altered their rate schedule for the 2016-2020 cycle period. As such, the cost for the little guy to broadcast music became exorbitantly more expensive, largely an action viewed as a means to push out everyone but the biggest of broadcasting corporations. Due the increased rate, Live365's investors pulled the plug on the long-running broadcaster.

Live365 is now dead in the water. Their front page currently features a thank you message to all of their former users.

I lament the loss of Live365. Something of a relic from the early days of the internet, Live365 featured a plethora of custom radio stations playing music genres not normally heard on regular terrestrial radio. This is where I came to appreciate Darkwave, Gothic and Synth music in the early 2000's. Numerous Live365 broadcasters also created some great holiday-themed stations, both for Christmas and Halloween, that I returned to year after year. Sadly, the world of corporate music just made it impossible for Live365 to continue on. So many great stations have been lost, featuring under-the-radar and largely undiscovered musicians with a massive amount of talent. Perhaps this is a sign of the evolving times, where individual entrepreneurs and broadcasters are being edged out.. forced to abandon what they so desperately cherish, all for the sake of art.

Live365, you will be missed.

What's The Point Of A Phone Book Anymore?

I found a new phone book resting in my driveway today. Immediately, I began to mutter...

What's the point?

In the advent of modern mobile phones and the internet, the phone book has become all but a useless relic of days gone by. Sure, the phone book was a valuable tool in a time before the internet, but times change. It's not like we all have an abacus in our pocket, am I right? Quickly flipping through the phone book, which weights 1.5 pounds and has 316 pages, it was dreadfully clear that nearly every listing was an advertisement of some sort. Sure, I would find an occasional personal phone number here or there (which is a reflection of how few people have land lines any more), but the vast majority were numbers for plumbers, lawyers and other businesses.

Let me ask you this. When was the last time you looked in a phone book to call a plumber? Or a lawyer? How about a hair salon or contractor?

Like I thought... it's been YEARS since you did so.

Phone books are the very definition of pointless in this modern age. Of the half dozen phone books I've received in the past few years, they have all wound up in the recycling bin. I never even considered keeping one. All those advertisers hoping to earn my business? Nope. Total garbage. I never even saw your ad. Sorry, tough luck on your behalf!

You may say phone books have their place. What about folks that don't use the internet to find a phone number? Well, I have two points to counter that question.

• You don't have some form of access to the internet? Tough patooties... it's 2015 in the United States. Get with the times.
• If the phone book is intended for folks without internet access, then WHY DO ALL OF THE ADVERTISEMENTS FEATURE WEBSITE LINKS?

Take a look at this two page spread of the phone book I received. This particular edition is published by Local Edge, a subsidiary of Hearst Communications. That's right... THAT Hearst Communications founded by the infamous William Randolph Hearst in 1887. On page 40, It features the same advertisement repeated twice from two different lawyers. For what?! Why so much redundancy? If I was one of these lawyers, I'd be absolutely enraged that they put two of my spots so close together. Much less, what a waste of money for the advertisers. Here's a much bigger question. Why is Hearst Communications, a multinational media conglomerate which had $9 Billion in revenue during 2014, printing useless phone books?

I'll tell you why. They're taking advantage of the schmucks whom advertise in phone books thinking it will draw in new business. The only business making money from the phone book IS THE BUSINESS THAT PRINTS THE PHONE BOOK!

That's right... these advertisers are schmucks and Hearst knows it. They're wasting their money. If they want to advertise, then they should do it on local television, radio or on the internet. You know... things people actually watch, hear or look at!

Look at all of these businesses people will almost certainly look up on the internet!

Here's a much larger and more troubling issue with phone books. They're a massive waste of natural resources. There are 67 houses in my neighborhood (yes, I've counted). Each and every one of them received the same phone book I did. Added together, there's 100.5 pounds and 21,172 pages of paper in all of those phone books. Now, expand that to a whole town or city. Then multiply that across an entire state. On top of that, there's fifty states! How many tons of paper are being wasted to print a book that no one is going to look at? A lot, my friends... a lot. As a whole, the phone book industry largely receives failing grades for their gross mismanagement of natural resources. Look no further than the 2015 Sustainability Report Card for Telephone Directory Publishers for proof. Seven of the participating 13 phone book publishers in the United States received a failing grade of D when it comes to production sustainability, use of recycled paper and the ability of consumers to opt-out. No publisher received a grade better than a B. In fact, many of the publishers failed to even make their internal data available for the publication, simply because they didn't care enough to even respond.

Look, even the company publishing the phone book knows that their publication is pointless. They feature ads all through like the one above, actively sending readers to their website to search for the same businesses featured in the book itself. Again... WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT OF PRINTING THE BOOK THEN?!

Maybe I'll put this phone book to good use and start a flame in my fire pit with it. At least it won't be a total waste.

Now We Can All Crap Shiny Glitter Poop.

Just when you think you've seen it all, someone out there decided that your crap needs to sparkle.

I came across a rather strange series of listings on the retail website Etsy recently. Apparently, a fair number of sellers are offering poop glitter tablets. These gelatin capsules are filled with non-toxic (or so they claim) glitter. A person can swallow the capsules and wait for the shiny magic to squirt out of their butt!

I've been on the internet since its inception in the '90s. In twenty plus years time, I've seen a lot of weird stuff on the world wide web. But this... it really takes the cake. Taking a crap isn't something you want to particularly enjoy. Shit is the enemy. It needs to get away from my body as soon as possible. Not once in the thirty-three years that I've been having bowel movements did I ever stop and say "Gee, I want to gaze at my poop just a little while longer... let's make it sparkle!"

Most of the glitter pill retailers make it emphaticly clear within their item descriptions that you shouldn't swallow their product, even though the items are labeled in such a manner that this is obviously what you do with them. Of course, this is the retailers' way of avoiding a costly lawsuit in our highly litigious climate.

A glitter poop retailer's disclaimer.

If the pills aren't intended for consumption, why point out that the glitter is non-toxic?

So... if you ever wanted to void what looks like fairy turds from your bottom, your wish has now been granted!

Makes you wonder where her mouth has been, doesn't it?

When Unlimited Data Doesn't Mean Unlimited Data.

Ah, the golden age of mobile telecom. Remember when mobile phone plans came with unlimited data... and meant it? That's right, having unlimited data meant you could use as much data as you wanted, without any fear of being penalized. Those days have long since gone the way of the dinosaurs, but the use of the word unlimited has not.

Everywhere you look, major mobile providers like Verizon and T-Mobile love to advertise their unlimited data plans. I'm amazed at their amorphous use of the word unlimited though. Their data plans are in fact not unlimited -- they have various levels of data caps depending on your chosen monthly fee.

So... when did the definition of the word unlimited come to mean anything but?

Obviously, providers employ unlimited as a selling point to encourage customers to use their service. I find this grossly negligent and disingenuous, though. Instead of actually providing an unlimited amount of data, they insert some weaselly bit of fine print into the whole deal. For X rate per month, you'll receive an "unlimited" amount of data... up to X GB.

THIS COMPLETELY NEGATES THE MEANING OF THE WORD UNLIMITED!

T-Mobile's CEO, John Legere, recently went on a tirade against thousands of his own customers. Why? Because this crafty group of T-Mobile subscribers has found a workaround for their mobile data caps, whether by custom-coded applications, rooting their phone or writing programs to hide their actual data usage from the network.

In other words, the CEO of T-Mobile is mad about his own unlimited data customers having unlimited data.

I can't make this stuff up, folks.

To be quite honest, I say bravo to these smart individuals whom refuse to be taken for a ride. They have the skill and know-how to receive what they so rightfully are paying for. Considering the actual cost to provide data is obscenely cheap for telecom giants like T-Mobile, Verizon, Sprint and others, I feel absolutely zero pity for them. It's not so pleasant when the shoe is on the other foot, now is it?

If you're going to advertise something as unlimited, make sure it's actually unlimited. Otherwise, be up front about what you're selling. It's only the right thing to do.

Social Media And Idiots: A Dangerous Combination.

Social media has made it really simple for people to spread their stupidity. Before websites like MySpace, Facebook and Twitter ever existed, internet users had to actually research their data and verify its authenticity. Remember meta-crawlers and digital editions of encyclopedias? Those were in high demand between ten and twenty years ago. If you wanted to know about a particular person, place or event, you had to look it up for yourself.

Nowadays, any jackass with an internet connection or mobile device can make up whatever lie they want, then post it to their Facebook wall. Lies and disinformation can spread like a virus, with other internet users helping to spread the deception. Without so much as a single ounce of due diligence, morons will post any fabrication that suits their particular religious or political slant. Who cares about honesty, right? It's all about making reality fit your narrative.

The scary part? Foolish dopes regularly share incorrect information via social media and don't even realize it's false. They're that bloody stupid.

I realize that not everyone is a journalist. Hell, I don't expect most internet users to have half a brain cell. Yet, the least you can do is uphold your own sense of honor and integrity, both in the real world and online. If you share a comment or factoid with other internet users, shouldn't you make damn sure that it's the truth first?

Obviously, I'm asking too much. Why verify any information? It doesn't matter. So what if it's not true? It's just the internet! Newflash -- the real world and the internet are not two separate entities. They are one in the same. This is why I don't maintain anonymity on the internet. If I've got something to say, then I'm going to stand behind it. Why hide behind illusions and falsehoods? Integrity and honor are important to me, as they should be to you.

So... the next time you want to share some bit of "information" with the other morons connected to your social media account, ask yourself the following questions:

To the best of my knowledge, is this the truth? Did I verify this information? Do I stand behind this information? Am I accountable for what I'm about to say?

If you can't answer yes to all four of those questions, then reconsider what you're about to share with the other lemmings of this world. One idiot with the wrong map can send a lot of people over a cliff.

The #KylieJennerChallenge Proves Idiots Will Try Anything.

I kid you not...

The internet is currently set ablaze about how you can make your lips bigger. I mean B-I-G-G-E-R.

We're talking epic giraffe-size big.

Over the past week, total morons all around the country have been participating in the #KylieJennerChallenge. What is this challenge? It's inspired by the lips of Kardashian brood member Kylie, whom is apparently known for... nothing. She's known for absolutely nothing. Here is a recent photo of her, which reflects her supposedly luscious lips.

Reportedly, she has not had any lip injections (sure). Whether she has or not, I could care less. Anyone with the proper know-how can accentuate their lips naturally with the right make-up techniques. To participate in this challenge, you're supposed to cram your lips into a small cylinder, like a shot glass or pill bottle. Then, after creating suction inside the bottle for an extended period of time, you're supposed to pull your lips out and enjoy their new found sexy girth. To finish off the challenge, you snap a selfie of and post it to social media with the hashtag #KylieJennerChallenge. Here's a video showcasing some of the dumbest people you'll ever meet on the internet.

Seriously... I can't even believe I have to report on this nightmare. You shouldn't cram parts of your body into tight spaces under high pressure. Blood vessels can and will burst, sometimes causing permanent damage. I'm certain many of the knuckleheads whom have participated will see some type of permanent discoloration or disfigurement. Best case scenario, their lips will be heavily bruised for a week or two. Oh, but it's sooooo sexy. NOT! I would rather kiss a giraffe. At least I know the giraffe isn't a total dumbass.

I can't help but wonder -- why would folks willfully submit to such a foolish scheme? Don't they know their lips look clownish and absurd? No one naturally has lips this large! Yet again, idol worship has replaced common sense. Send in the clowns!