Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Why am I pulling over again?

I loathe funerals.

Seriously... funerals are one of the most pointless rituals that humanity has ever practiced. Take for example my experience today. As I was driving into town, I passed a police officer preparing to close off a major intersection. At that moment, I knew what was coming. Like clockwork, the bumbling driver before me started to swerve towards the shoulder, then gunned it through the intersection while the light was still green. Of course, I passed on through. As far as I could see ahead, traffic was backed up and at a stand-still. Scattered about in various angles of disarray were cars trying to pull over for an oncoming funeral procession.

I groaned with utter aggravation. I do NOT willingly pull over for funeral processions.

At this point, you're probably ready to snap at me and ask why I'm so disrespectful - stop and listen!

Tell me what the act of pulling my vehicle over does for the deceased party in question? Do they know I'm pulling over? For that matter, would they even care if I pulled over? No.


Whomever is playing coffin jockey in that hearse could give two craps about whether or not vehicles in an opposing lane pulled over! Much less, the ritual of pulling off the road for a funeral procession actually generates more opportunity for vehicular accidents to occur. Hence, more chances for more people to die! Think about it - multitudes of drivers with no knowledge of what the car in front of them is going to do; people slamming on their brakes; drivers tailgating each other. It's a damn recipe for disaster! Why? All because someone ages ago decided that their deceased kin was so important that living, thriving humans (whom probably don't even know the dead person, lest they'd BE AT THE FUNERAL) should halt their movement and wait for no reason.

Give me a frickin' break.

If it's a small funeral procession, I can usually get on past the morons whom pull over and go on about my business. Not in this case. I sat... and I sat... and I sat. Endless streams of motorcycles went by first (don't even get me started on the egotistical sense of superiority most bikers project). Then I watched as more aloof drivers shot past me with their silly hazard lights on.

You know whom funeral processions really serve? The jack wagon drivers that participate in such processions.

"Hey, look at me. I'm so important that I can drive past you while you're pulled over and there's nooooothing you can do about it. Look at how important I am. LOOK!"

Humph. Eat a dick. I'm sure driving in your silly funeral procession is the highlight of your existence. Say hello to the trash next door for me when you go home to your trailer park.

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