Five Ways To Make Golf Fun.

I have to be honest with you -- I've never played a round of golf in my life. Not once have I ever stepped on a golf course and tried to play the game. I'm 32 years old at this point. Something tells me I'll probably never play golf. Yet, there is a perfectly good explanation.

Golf is boring.

You see, golf is nothing but a person swinging a stick at a ball, hoping that the ball will land in a specific hole. I admit that it takes a lot of talent and skill to make a golf ball travel to its hole in as few hits as possible... but what's the point? I've just never understood the motivation behind playing such a mundane and futile game.

This got me to thinking. What would it take for me to play golf? I present to you...

FIVE WAYS TO MAKE GOLF FUN.

5. Night Golf - Here's the idea: paint the balls in flourescent colors, light the greens with black lights, installing neon lighting and put a strobe light at the hole. Make the entire course pulsate in wild neon colors.

4. Real Hazards - Sand pits and ponds are child's play. Let's put some real, actual hazards on the golf course. Set loose a few alligators and leopards. Bring in a giant wind machine. Surround the holes with a mine field. Allow the use of dynamite by other players as a "defensive" tactic. Let's get back to what a hazard truly represents!

3. Time Limit - Give the players a set deadline that they must complete a course by. There won't be any dilly-dallying. Instead, players will be hotfooting it from one hole to the next, swinging as hard and as fast as they possibly can. Allow players to incorporate bonus points into their score for finishing the course first when competing against other players.

2. One Ball - What if multiple players were only allowed one ball? Instead of everyone competing to get the lowest score, players would be forced to approach the game in a "capture the flag" scenario. You want to take the next swing at the ball? Fine... but you've got to beat your opponent to the ball first!

1. Nudity - Really want to spice up a round of golf up? Force everyone to play in the nude. Talk about distracting! Sure, most golfers are retired old men... but what if they brought in cheerleaders as well? Ah-ha! That introduces a whole new dimension to the game.

There's one honorable mention -- Drunk Golf. After careful consideration, I realized that most golfers already play while drunk.

As a non-golfer, I don't know if any or all of these ideas have been tried before. If you know of any examples, please share them.

"Did you see where I parked the golf cart?"