Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A Lane Thief Just Nearly Killed Me.

My life flashed before my eyes today. Thankfully, I'm here to tell you about it.

On two separate occasions in the past year (here and here), I've written about the dangers of Lane Thieves. What are Lane Thieves, you may be asking? For the benefit of my new readers, I'll briefly explain.

Imagine you're driving a motor vehicle and have stopped at an intersection, waiting to turn right (or left depending on your country); it doesn't matter if it's a stop light or stop sign. The road you're on is a single lane with no turn lane. As you're waiting to make your turn at the intersection, allowing for the oncoming traffic to clear, another driver behind you decides to pull along the curb, get beside you and make their own turn. This is a Lane Thief -- they literally steal part of a single lane road as if there are two lanes, thereby passing you on the right (which is a big no-no on its own) and attempting to turn out of sequence. This generates all sorts of accident hazards for the first driver legally stopped at the intersection and waiting to turn.

Yet again, a Lane Thief has struck. This time is different, though... they nearly killed me in the process.

I was driving home just a short while ago. Upon exiting the interstate, I come to an off-ramp intersection exactly like the one in the image above. I have to turn right to get home. While sitting in the middle of the lane with MY RIGHT TURN SIGNAL FLASHING, I was waiting for oncoming traffic from the left to clear before turning right. As I'm sitting there, another driver comes up from behind me, pulls to the right side over the curb and tries to turn. As I'm making my legal turn to the right, this jackass decides to turn right as well.

Picture that for a moment, would you -- two cars from a single lane turning right onto the right side of a road. Obviously, there isn't enough room for the both of us.

There is a large truck stop at this particular exit, with tractor trailers coming and going all the time. As I'm completing my turn and realizing that there's another driver to my right, I have to think fast. Why? Because there's an oncoming tractor trailer on the left side of the road and I'm being gradually pushed over the solid yellow line by the lane thief! I put my foot into the accelerator to speed up and get past the danger. What does the lane thief do? Accelerate even faster and keep shoving me into the oncoming lane -- this guy is purposefully trying to kill me at this point.

As the tractor trailer looms closer and I'm stuck in the wrong lane, I have to think fast again. I steadily press hard into my brakes, but not so hard that I lose control of my Jeep. The lane thief to my right zooms by, nearly taking my mirror off. The tractor trailer to the left blows past me, nearly turning me into roadkill. And there I am... just a guy trying to make a simple right turn at an intersection, less than a mile from my house.

Folks, this is the kind of crap I put up with from society. Many of you wonder how I can be so angry with human beings.


Please, for the love of all that's good and decent in this world, don't be a LANE THIEF! You're going to get someone killed. I want you to remember this story the next time you attempt to steal a lane.

To the guy in the silver Dodge Caravan that nearly killed me... I hope your genitals are ferociously snapped off by a rusty bear trap.

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