Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Fun Ways To Celebrate The First Day Of Fall!

Today marks the first day of Fall. This is the best time of year in my opinion. The days are breezy and pleasant. The nights can be a little chilly, but still comfortable. You get to wear hoodies and long sleeve shirts. The leaves crinkle and float to the ground, making the landscape appear dramatically more interesting. Fire pits eagerly await our campfire tales and roasted marshmallows. Delicious pumpkin ale is ready for our ingestion. In the distance, you can hear the ghosts and goblins coming our way, anxious for Halloween to arrive.

Thank goodness for Autumn, the most wonderful time of the year.

I thought I'd share with you some exhilarating ways to celebrate the arrival of the Fall season.

Take a bath in a tub full of leaves. What better way to experience the season than to feel the dirty leaves from your yard on your naked flesh? Make sure to leave the squirrel feces and acorns in with the leaves as an added bonus! When you're done, just get a plunger and shove those leaves down your drain pipe -- your plumbing will thank you!

Pretend you're a leaf and fall down a flight of stairs. As you gracefully tumble to the bottom, use this valuable opportunity to reevaluate the meaning of life. Why are we here? What is the point? More importantly -- can I survive with a fractured neck and six broken ribs? Score cool guy points for breaking all four of your limbs!

Convince your friends that seasonal beers are sexy! Be sure to drink a few brews on your lunch break. Take your shirt off in the break room and down a fresh pumpkin spice lager. Make sure to draw attention to your large beer belly. For added flair, have a contest to see how many beer caps you can shove in your belly button. That's a sign of strength and superiority! Your coworkers will definitely be talking about you tomorrow morning at the water-cooler. Josie in Accounting will probably ask for your number, too!

Free flaming marshmallows for everybody! Nothing says "Howdy Neighbor!" like a flaming 'mallow on their front porch. Make sure you pull back far enough before flinging your stick forward and launching the fireball of tasty goodness. Be sure to let the marshmallow get nice and crispy to produce a gorgeous burst of flavor-rich fun! Aim for their windows to create a wonderful splatter effect they won't soon forget. You can thank me for this kick-ass idea later.

Start wearing your Halloween costume RIGHT NOW! Don't wait for the last day of October to start enjoying your well thought out costume. You spent a lot of time and energy in developing your outfit. Why waste it on one measly evening of trick-or-treating and drunken debauchery? Wear that costume everyday and all day! Sure, your friends might think you're going insane at first, but after the first week, they'll be sure to come around. For extra awesomeness, refrain from taking the costume off around your family. Your spouse will surely enjoy the break from seeing your face!

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