Tuesday, October 13, 2015

'Trunk-Or-Treat' Is An Attack On Halloween.

"While the origins of "trunk-or-treating" are a mystery, the benefits of them are well-known: less walking for little kids, a safer environment for Halloween, and fun for everyone!"
That's a direct quote from a Latter-Day Saints website I recently encountered while researching the origins of "trunk-or-treat". Originally, I wrote a completely different opening to this article, but discovering this particular LDS website altered my plans. I figured hell, why not address these three meager reasons head on? It would be a fantastic way to express my own concerns with trunk-or-treating.

  1. Less walking for little kids. Seriously? The whole point of Halloween is to WALK TO EACH AND EVERY HOUSE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, RING A DOOR BELL AND SHOUT "TRICK OR TREAT!" Who thought this crap up? If you're going to gut the very essence of the holiday, why even celebrate it?!
  2. A safer environment for Halloween. This one really makes me laugh, honestly. Not once have I ever known any child to be kidnapped or murdered on Halloween. In fact, I had a hard time finding record of any major crimes against children committed explicitly on/because of Halloween. Think about it... every adult in your neighborhood KNOWS that children will be out and about. They're already on alert and watchful over the wee little ones. Much less, why would a kidnapper or child killer perpetrate their devious plan on THE MOST PUBLICLY VISIBLE CHILD-THEMED HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR?!
  3. Fun for everyone. This is just about the lamest cop-out reason ever. DUH! Of course Halloween is fun. If it wasn't fun, kids wouldn't want to participate!

I'm going to cut right to the chase. Trunk-or-treating sucks. Instead of celebrating Halloween the right way, trunk-or-treating eliminates every single important aspect of the celebration.
  • No traveling from house to house to ring door bells and shout "TRICK OR TREAT!"
  • No time spent with your siblings or friends walking around in your costume.
  • No sense of mystery or excitement derived from VIRTUAL danger (because there isn't any).
  • No sense of responsibility or public awareness for children to learn and grow from.
  • No way to encounter other kids whom may commit harmless pranks or try to steal your candy, which is a valuable way to learn self confidence.
  • No way to see your neighbors' keenly decorated houses, all dressed up in various spooky and haunting ways.
  • No jack-o-lanterns on front porches, inviting all the little ghosts and goblins with their eyes aflame.
  • No lesson of hard work and diligence to be learned because it REWARDS LAZINESS!
Trunk-or-treating is a lame, worthless attempt to childproof Halloween without any regard for what makes the day so special. It's a white-washing of actual trick-or-treating, thereby further eroding any sense of uniqueness and creativity found within the hearts of children. Much less, it promotes laziness. Instead of patrolling your neighborhood and speaking to your fellow citizens to earn a bag full of candy, you just meander through a parking lot and grab candy from the trunks of cars. Wow... that's absolutely pathetic.

"Come here little kids. I've got free candy. You're gonna spend some time with me in Margaritaville. Maybe I'll let you play 'Find the Salt Shaker'. Giggity!"

Here's another point that absolutely baffles my mind. Many parents claim trunk-or-treating is a safer alternative to Halloween. So let me get this straight... they want kids to be safe by teaching them that they'll be rewarded with candy if they approach a stranger's car? WHAT THE WHAT?!

The concept of trunk-or-treating began in the late '90s with religious organizations. They would hold the event in a parking lot, typically that of a church or private school. Essentially, religious groups saw trunk-or-treating as a way to kill two birds with one stone -- not only could they control the paradigm of Halloween and remove children from an "unsafe" and "unholy" activity, but they could also pass out literature to uninitiated families. That's right... trunk-or-treating's origin rests in a religious assault on Halloween. Go frickin' figure! Trunk-or-treating is especially popular within the Mormon community, whom in many places go so far as to abstain from actually using the name 'Halloween' in relation to the activity. This practice of eliminating 'Halloween' from the event is shared by other religious groups as well. Often, a church will group their trunk-or-treating event with a "Fall Festival". Sheesh... what a joke.

And there you have it my friends. Trunk-or-treating is an affront to Halloween, a wholly American tradition that's rapidly evaporating in our modern politically correct times.


  1. Trunk-Or-Treating? This is a real life thing? No wonder I've never heard of it, I don't really participate in a whole lot of 'real life' stuff :P Plus, this kind of shit is just downright creepy looking. Just asking for problems!

  2. I've been saying this for years, glad to know someone else actually sees it for what it is...spot on article, great read.

  3. Thank you! I'm glad you had the cajones to call it out. There was a "trunk or treat" at a house down the rural road I live on, and it was like the Indie 500 of cars streaming in and out of there. I couldn't even walk down my own road without fear of being hit by one of them. Talk about "safe"??!!