Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Five Terrible Halloween Costumes - 2015 Edition.

Another year, another Halloween season. The most phantasmagorical day of the year is a mere seventeen days away. Many of you haven't even selected your costume yet. Just as I did last year (click here), I'm here with a guide to the worst costume ideas of the year. Avoid these masked muck traps and you'll do just fine.

And you thought Luke Skywalker had 'daddy' issues.
This girl is STARVED for attention.

Sexy Star Wars Character - There's nothing sexy about a green puppet that talks backwards. Nor is there anything titillating about a giant woolly wannabe Sasquatch. Star Wars has never been a film series that's known for its sex appeal. Yet, we'll undoubtedly see many famous Star Wars characters re-imagined as revealing sex idols. Just don't. It's not just tacky... it's ridiculous.

Changing Your Race - I know you're itching to go out as Ben Carson or President Obama on Halloween. There's just one problem. You're Caucasian. I realize in this modern age that many young folks don't mean to be racist when they put on black-face. In fact, they're probably as far from racist as possible. But, you have to realize something. Even though you're not a racist, that doesn't mean other people won't automatically assume you're a card-carrying member of the Klu Klux Klan for painting yourself a different race. Leave the face paint at home, kids.

Genitalia - There's always that one douche bag at a Halloween party that thinks dressing up as a giant, vein-covered penis is funny. Trust me, it's not funny at all... it's just awkward and uncomfortable. The same applies for guys dressed up as vaginas. Not only are you a lumbering doof, but women automatically assume you're a pervert.

Harley Quinn - Just as I highlighted with the Joker in last year's edition of this article, Harley Quinn has been DONE TO DEATH. Every female comic fan or cosplayer, no matter how obsessed, has dressed up as Joker's devoted sidekick. You've put her in ridiculous bustiers and carried absurdly large hammers. Enough is enough. You're not the first person to think of dressing up as Harley, nor will you be the last. The horse hasn't just been beaten to death, it's been chopped up and delivered to a glue factory for processing.

I make these jeans look cool.

(Almost) Anything Involving Jeans - If your costume involves wearing jeans, you better be going as a cowboy or Jean-Claude Van Damme from Hard Target. Anything else is a frickin' cop-out. Guess what? A costume is all-encompassing, from head to foot. You can't half-ass your costume and just wear a special top or put on face-paint. Dracula in jeans isn't scary... it's just pitiful. Oh, you think your special hoodie with skulls on it makes you terrifying? Show up on my door step in jeans and I'm going to hurricane-kick your lazy ass off my lawn!

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