A Prick in a No Parking Zone.

As some of you may have read earlier in the week, I had a trip planned for today. I awoke at a brisk 4 AM this morning in preparation for a drive to Charlotte, North Carolina. I had a toy and hobby show to attend at 9 AM and an early start was required. Alternatively, it was nice to take the new Jeep for a long drive and prove its mettle. Though, this has nothing to do with my article this evening.

Instead, I turn my focus to a single photograph.

I snapped this photo while in the Cheshire Place Shopping Center on WT Harris Boulevard in Charlotte this morning. The green Buick you see in the center of the photo had just insanely whipped in front of me after blowing through an intersection. After cutting before me, he hurriedly slammed on brakes and parked in this No Parking zone. While not something I welcome, encounters with terrible drivers are nothing unfamiliar to me. Nay, what particularly perturbed me about this incident was the rush to plop his vehicle in a clearly marked No Parking zone.

Let's evaluate what the problem is...

You see, almost all retail businesses, restaurants, etc. have a No Parking zone in front of their establishment; it's required by law. As such, they are appropriately signed to let drivers know not to park there.

These placards do not take into consideration assholes like this guy.

Instead of parking in the parking lot like all the other customers, this guy decided that putting his vehicle in the No Parking zone was the appropriate place to leave his car. I mean... why read the sign that's on the building? Much less... WHY READ THE FRICKIN' NO PARKING SIGN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR CAR ON A BRIGHT ORANGE HAZARD CONE?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's unfortunate that this business has been forced to put cones in the No Parking zone just to keep pricks like this guy from parking there. But, it's obvious that even the brightly-colored cones aren't enough to prohibit such callous and disrespectful behavior.

And this, my friends, is where I make my point.

In one photograph, I have somehow elegantly surmised the pitiful state of our dear nation. I got lucky, no doubt about it. The truth contained within is stark. Americans have become impertinent, negligent and altogether arrogant.

The hazard cone tactic has obviously failed. There's only one logical response.

Lethal, genetically modified giant guard scorpions.

Why is Your Snowman Square?

Today was a good day.

Here in North Carolina, we received approximately five to seven inches of snow overnight. While nothing to get frantic over (it's just snow), I always welcome a heavy dose of the cold white stuff.

Needless to say, Crystal and I made no waste of the frozen precipitation. After debating what to make with the snow (a snow man was too predictable), we went with a Rubix cube.

Which then morphed into just a standard box for sitting on.

Upon which, Crystal crushed it with tremendous force. She was most harsh in her unrelenting destruction.

As I said, today was a good day. Ice Cube would approve.

On the new Jeep front, it handled quit well pulling out of my driveway. Unfortunately, the local road crews had plowed the snow off the roads quickly, so I couldn't take the new wheels out for some donuts. Alas, that must wait for another day.

The Deed is Done!

HAHA! Fooled you. No, I didn't buy an Ice Cream Truck.

After a long day of negotiating, this guy is once again mobile. Starting around lunch time today and continuing to roughly 5:00 PM, Crystal and I negotiated with a dealership in Greensboro over a vehicle on our short list. It was tough and they didn't want to budge too much, but we finally got the price down to a number that we were comfortable with.

And to think... the last bargaining chip we needed was a spare tire.

I won't make you wait any longer to see my new vehicle. The suspense must be killing you.




Wait for it...




Wait for it...




Waaaaaaaaait...




Okay, seriously Jared, you're being obnoxious.

Go ahead and congratulate yourself. You now know a guy with a Jeep. That's right -- the new ride is a 2015 Jeep Cherokee Sport. It has a rare Southwest Option Package, which includes larger 17" custom alloys, full window tinting, custom silver roof rails, spoiler, a satellite radio and radio control buttons on the steering wheel -- amongst a host of other things not usually found on the Sport trim level. All of these options are very rare on a Cherokee Sport (trust me, we looked all over the east coast). In fact, it's so rare that the dealership didn't even know they had it on their lot until we pointed it out (it pays to do your own research). To find all of this together on a vehicle that actually has been painted a color instead of a shade... well that's just super! The Deep Cherry Red paint job is sexy -- yes, I said sexy. Considering the space it has inside, the above average gas mileage, a nine-speed transmission which drives smoothly and an engine with way more power than I'm used to... I'd say this is definitely an upgrade over the PT Cruiser.

Back to that spare tire I mentioned -- the dealer finally met me at my desired price when they informed me that they couldn't obtain a spare tire and jack kit. That saved $500 off the bottom line and placed it in the acceptable purchase price zone. Considering I can get the spare kit for a few hundred bucks, it was worth it (perhaps for even less if I scour a couple salvage yards).

The funny part? I've now completed the MOPAR trifecta. I have owned a Dodge, a Chrysler and now a Jeep.

Expect updates on my upcoming adventures in the coming days. I know I'll be taking a trip to Charlotte on Saturday.

FINALLY!