Wednesday, February 25, 2015

What Not to Do in a Snow Storm.

I have to be honest with you -- as I type this article, I've had a few adult beverages. I feel FANTASTIC! Wine sure is great, isn't it?

Tonight's article is about what you SHOULDN'T do when you're faced with a possible snow storm.

A typical horse-drawn snow carriage in the nineteenth century.

Here's what you shouldn't do:

Don't buy a bunch of food which requires refrigeration. Guess what? When your power goes out, all the stuff in your fridge will spoil. Buying up a a bunch of milk, eggs, frozen pizza, frozen burritos and the like is a waste of money. If you really feel compelled to stock up on food, purchase non-perishable goods like tuna fish, crackers, dry cereal, oatmeal, rice, beans and canned mackerel.

Mmmmmm.... canned mackerel.

Don't waste time driving to see your boo. Your boo isn't important. Stay off the road if the snow is just too much for you to handle. If your boo loves you, they will wait. Otherwise, drop your boo like a bad habit and find a new boo.

Don't freak out. Snow is just rain you can pick up. It's not amazing... it's just nature's dandruff. You'll survive.

Don't crowd the grocery store. You probably need a bath because you're a poor piece of human trash. No one wants to smell your funk.

Don't crash your vehicle. The snow isn't difficult to drive in. Drop your transmission into low gear, put down your cell phone and pay attention. After a while, you'll learn that driving in the snow is actually fun!

There's my tips for surviving a snow storm. It's not difficult. You can do it!

I've got to go now. I need to finish a bottle of wine. Toodles!

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