The Star Gate Sequence Of '2001: A Space Odyssey'.

I quickly wanted to share something with you this evening that perhaps many of you below the age of 25 have never seen before. In 1968, the sci-fi film masterpiece 2001: A Space Odyssey was released. Besides featuring an awesome artificially intelligent computer named HAL with murderous intentions, the movie included a mind-altering sequence that hasn't been replicated since. The astronaut Bowman, pitched into an unidentified globule of colored light, takes a journey across all boundaries of space and time. Sit back, down a beer and just relax as you watch the Star Gate sequence from 2001: A Space Odyssey. And hey, if you have seen this before, then all the better. It's just that weird!

And just what does Bowman find on the other side of his strange journey? Well, that answer is pretty damned freaky, too.

And finally, the film ends with rebirth.

Just what does it all mean? Well, that's up to your own interpretation. In my opinion, Bowman has transcended the laws of known physics and merged with the force behind the Monoliths. Before his "death", he begins to exist simultaneously at multiples points throughout his life. Ultimately, all of his selves collapse into a single being within the alien slab to become something entirely new.

Yeah... to say 2001: A Space Odyssey is mind-blowing is a massive understatement. I highly recommend that you check it out.

Ant-Man's Stomach Could Solve World Hunger.

I recently watched the Marvel film Ant-Man. I enjoyed the movie as it was -- a simple, straightforward redemption / heist movie that didn't take itself too seriously. The plot was fairly thin, but oh well. What more could you expect? It's about a guy that can shrink.

The movie got me to thinking, though. Ant-Man could solve all of the problems of the world, if he were real at least. As a fictional character, his abilities create a massive plot-hole in the Marvel Universe.

While we all know that Ant-Man can become incredibly tiny, but what most casual film-goers and comic readers don't realize is that he can also grow upwards in size. Ant-Man is also known as Giant-Man! His growth powers work in both directions, both smaller and larger.

WARNING - SCIENCE AHEAD!

The Pym Particles that give the Ant-Man suit its powers cause the wearer inside to grow or shrink in proportion. His or her body maintains its structural form, but the ratio at which it changes stays as-is. Hence, the wearer looks and changes a great deal, but the alteration to size is totally relative.

Now, consider the contents of the Ant-Man's body when it changes size. What about the food and water in his stomach, which also grows or shrinks directly proportional to the Ant-Man? If he ate a corndog and drunk an eight ounce glass of water before growing into the Giant-Man, the items in his stomach would also become larger. There'd be a chewed, partially digested corndog in his stomach. That eight ounces of water would compound, becoming hundreds (perhaps thousands) of gallons of water.

The power of the Ant-Man suit could solve world hunger in a flash. It could also solve the rapidly worsening drinking water crisis. Those Pym Particles could eliminate hunger and starvation, thereby ending the chaos and violence associated with it. Imagine that... a world with a food and water surplus. Want to create the world's biggest bread loaf? Have Ant-Man swallow a capsule with a tiny piece of bread, then let him grow into Giant-Man. After twelve hours and a moment on a humongous toilet, you'd have a titanic piece of bread.

It's like Jesus feeding the multitudes with two fish and fives loaves of bread, only far more plausible!

Yet, such a notion would never be applied to the fictional Marvel Universe. If Earth were suddenly free of the genuine problems facing humanity, there'd be very little reason to fight and destroy super-villains. Many of the evil forces that heroes like Ant-Man / Giant-Man face would simply disappear. Humanity would enter into a golden age of peace and prosperity.

All because Ant-Man could grow stuff in his stomach.

I Prefer Predator 2 Over The Original.

Predator. It's a certified classic. Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime battles a sneaky extraterrestrial killer with a taste for human blood. We can all agree that Predator set a benchmark in action films. It also helped to launch Arnold into mega-level super-stardom.

And yet, I like Predator 2 better.

Mind you, my preference for the sequel is in no way a statement on the first film. Predator is flat-out awesome in every way. Instead, look at my predilection for Predator 2 as a matter of personal taste. I'll explain why and perhaps you'll agree.

Urban Warfare - One of the biggest reasons why I like Predator 2 better is because of the setting. Sure, a killer alien rampaging through the jungle can be interesting, but I'd much rather see how the conflict plays out in an urban landscape. Changing from the jungles of Central America to the sprawling city Los Angeles adds a greater sense of danger and collateral damage. Even better... it provides more prey for the Predator to attack.

More Predator Tech - The 'City Hunter' Predator in the sequel sports an increased amount of technology. The now common Smart Disc made its first appearance in this movie. The Predator's Bio-Mask had an increased range of scanning modes, making it easier to find his prey. This Predator also sported the deadly speargun, telescoping spear and the immensely painful netgun. That's a lot of ways to slaughter!

Gary Busey - Come on... Busey adds a certain je ne sais quoi to every film he graces. That wild-eyed, crazy bastard seems credible, no matter how nutty and outlandish he plays his characters. As Agent Keyes, Busey swings his cocky attitude throughout every scene he's in. He even manages to almost defeat the Predator with a really smart plan. Almost.

Bill Paxton - The other great acting addition to Predator 2 is undoubtedly seasoned performer Bill Paxton. Sure, his portrayal of Detective Lambert is brash and over-confident, but that's what we love about him. Eerily echoing PFC Hudson from Aliens, he holds out against the Predator for as long as he can... until his head and spinal column become a trophy for the alien warrior.

Expanded Predator Universe - The Predator mythos established with the first film is expanded upon greatly in the second. We see a little bit of the motivation for why he hunts. We see what kinds of tools the hunter uses. We even get to see what the Predator won't hunt (pregnant women). In the final act of the film, the Predator shows that it's not afraid to sacrifice a hand just to survive (and even does a little bit of funky field medicine in the process). Finally, the inside of the Predator's space ship is revealed! Plus, as icing on the cake, there are even MORE Predators that show up. Which leads me to...

The Xenomorph Skull - This is where the entangled Alien versus Predator concept all began. If you think about it, this is one of the first major American films to drop an easter egg BEFORE easter eggs were even a thing. Seeing that Xenomorph skull hanging in the Predator's ship was just really frickin' cool and sent fans everywhere into a total frenzy. Could the Aliens and Predators actually face off? Were the two species in the same shared fictional universe? Yep. Sweet.

Danny Glover Defeats the Predator - Whereas Dutch in Predator only managed to defeat the 'Jungle Hunter' because the creature committed suicide, Glover's Lieutenant Harrigan actually finishes the 'City Hunter' off in combat mano-a-mano. How? By stabbing that ugly monster with its own Smart Disc. That takes humongous balls!

Agree? Disagree? Share you feedback and let me know what you think.

'The Force Awakens' Made Me Realize I'm Not A Star Wars Fan.

The morning of Sunday, December 20, I settled into a theater seat and watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens. As it was a matinee showing, I was surrounded mostly by young children and grandparents. There were the occasional millennials and thirty-somethings present, but we were definitely in the minority. As the theater fell dark and the film began, we all sunk into our seats and prepared for the most anticipated film of recent history.

Needless to say, I walked away afterwards feeling indifferent and altogether unimpressed.

From here on, this article will have pertinent spoilers about Star Wars: The Force Awakens. If you're adverse to spoilers, please stop reading now.

Just like the stormtroopers, The Force Awakens is a whole lot of the same thing repeated over and over.

My biggest gripe with SW:TFA is that it's unoriginal. If you've seen A New Hope, then you've essentially seen The Force Awakens. The writers of the latest film basically played 52-Card Pickup with the plot from A New Hope. They threw all of the old plot and character elements into a heaping pile, reshuffled the pieces and then put the story back together. Obi-Wan became both a geriatric Han Solo and a grizzly Luke. Luke became Rey. Young Han Solo became Finn. There's a lost droid with an integral bit of information for the Rebel Alliance... er, I mean "Resistance". Lots of action takes place on a desert planet. A masked overlord shroud in black slaughters people recklessly. And most annoying of all... there's yet another giant spherical weapon of death that has a killer laser beam.

If you didn't know I was talking about TFA, you'd believe I was describing ANH.

In terms of the plot, much of what happens in TFA is highly coincidental. X-Wing pilot Poe Dameron just happens to be on Planet Jakku to retrieve a map leading to the mysterious Luke Skywalker. Rey also just happens to be on the same planet, living in exile after being abandoned by her unknown family. Poe's droid BB-8 just happens to wind up with Rey. Finn just happens to be a Stormtrooper with an inexplicable change of heart in a battle on Jakku. Rey and Finn just happen to steal the Millennium Falcon, which just happens to have been previously stolen and left on Jakku. Han Solo and Chewbacca just happen to find the Millennium Falcon the moment it leaves Jakku. 

That's a lot of just happens; too many for my personal taste. Mind you... that's not even half way through the movie. The coincidental events continue on like a massive thread of serendipitously placed dominoes. It's all just a little too perfect.

Oh look, ANOTHER giant round ball of death!

In the end, the "Resistance" fighters do a trench run on the Death St... er... I mean Starkiller Base, fire into an exposed thermal oscillator conduit (aka thermal exhaust port) and blow it up.

I might as well have been watching A New Hope drunk.

This brings me to Kylo Ren, perhaps the least imposing Star Wars villain of them all. Lacking the terrifying omnipresence of Darth Vader, the unbridled wrath of Darth Maul, or even the cocky self-assurance of Darth Sidious, Kylo is nothing more than a unruly teenager with a poor man's lightsaber. He spends the entire film moping in hopes of being like his grandfather. Yet, this raises a very large plot hole that goes completely unanswered. If Kylo wants to be so much like Darth Vader, wouldn't he understand that Anakin Skywalker eventually redeemed himself and saved Luke from the dark side of the force? It's like he has selective amnesia, remembering Anakin/Vader only as an operative of the dark side. Forget all that back story about Anakin being a jedi. Forget that he sacrificed his life to save his son and end the Empire. No no no... we're only going to remember that he wanted to rule the galaxy. Sheesh... give me a break. If Kylo wants to be so much like Darth Vader, he should do us all a favor and force lightning himself to death right now.

Finally, the original whiny teenager himself, Luke Skywalker. We literally see him for the last moment of TFA, though he doesn't speak a single line of dialogue. For the brief scene that we do see him in, Luke stands there staring at Rey, whom is holding her arm extended with a lightsaber for an awkwardly long time. Who does that? It's all just very contrived. Much less, why did Luke purposefully leave a map to find him if he didn't want to be found? Supposedly, Luke left everyone behind when his apprentice Ben/Kylo went rogue, never to use the force again. But we're expected to believe he left a map to find him? Seems like that map was a cheap MacGuffin crafted by the writers to move the plot along, with no real explanation.

Let me change course and highlight what I did like about the movie. I want to be very clear in my assessment of TFA. It's not a terrible movie by any measure. The acting is decent by most of the cast. I greatly admired the cinematography. Characterizations by the new cast members were likable, especially John Boyega's Finn. He stood out as the character I most connected with. Here's a guy who had been brainwashed since birth to be a Stormtrooper, only to realize that he's more than just a literal number in an enormous empire of death. There's a great story to be told from Finn's angle. Given that Finn also found the courage to wield a lightsaber without having any apparent force ability, that tells me he's not afraid of a challenge. Had TFA just focused on Finn and his journey from insignificant cog to hero, I'd probably have liked the movie immensely more than I did.

Finn, the best part of The Force Awakens.

Ultimately, I left the movie theater that Sunday feeling incredibly detached from the Star Wars universe. The story didn't make any sort of impression on me. I liken it to watching an old episode of a soap opera. Sure, things happen and characters move from one place to another, but none of it really matters.

Now... here's where the title of this article truly comes into play.

As I thought more and more about how bored I was by TFA, I was reminded of how much I actually dislike A New Hope. Yes, that's right... I do not like the very first Star Wars movie. Even as a child, I always found it to be lackluster and a little too convenient. Clearly, this is a matter of personal preference. Millions of fans around the world enjoy the original Star Wars movie a great deal. For me, though, Star Wars: A New Hope is all too predictable. Boy meets mentor. Boy saves princess. Boy learns how special he is. Boy becomes hero. Boy defeats the evil empire. I'd read and watched various elements of ANH in countless other media. George Lucas himself has even admitted to culling plot elements from other sources (John Carter to a great degree), so I'm not in the wrong on this point.

Leap ahead to The Empire Strikes Back, which I enjoy a great deal. Everything wrong with the first film is steered back on course. The plot is much more original. The production design, cinematography and settings are more vibrant. The introduction of new characters adds to the mythos, breathing life into a narrative I felt was very stale. For once, the antagonists are actually allowed to win by the end of the movie. Of course, the best part about the entire Star Wars universe is also revealed...

Boba Fett and the bounty hunters.

Sure, the various bounty hunters occupied only a few minutes total of screen time in The Empire Strikes Back, but their visual presence alone was exceedingly powerful. I'm a huge fan of not just Boba Fett, but the other hunters like IG-88 and 4-LOM. The whole notion that the Empire is forced to turn to over-the-top bounty hunters with nothing to lose adds a real sense of danger to the story.

The original trilogy closes out with Return of the Jedi, which I don't truly care for either. We get ANOTHER Death Star to contend with, which is strangely destroyed in almost the same manner as the first one. Did the Empire learn nothing of their mistake? There are chirping teddy bears (aka Ewoks) that somehow manage to defeat an army of trained, armed-to-the-teeth Stormtroopers. Darth Vader does a peculiar about-face and flip-flops, saving Luke and destroying the Emperor. George Lucas even drops Boba Fett, the best damn character in the whole universe, into a literal hole and kills him off. Mind you, Fett probably escaped the Sarlacc Pit, but that hasn't been confirmed yet in the new "Disney certified" continuity.

Thanks a lot George Lucas.

To save you the trouble, I won't even begin to describe the disgusting quagmire that is the Prequel Trilogy. You and I both know it's terrible, so let's just leave that alone.

Out of seven Star Wars films, I have come to realize that I only actually like one of them -- The Empire Strikes Back. Sure, there are elements within the other six movies that I enjoy (the various droids, alien designs, vehicles and mecha), but overall the films are not to my liking. For so long, I had this silly notion in my head that I was a Star Wars fan. I simply must like Star Wars because I'm interested in geeky things, right? Yet, it never actually occurred to me that to be a Star Wars fan, I should probably enjoy the subject matter. Liking Star Wars was just something I accepted for many years, without any true consideration as to my own feelings.

The Jedi? I really don't care. Yoda, Luke and the rest of the knights with glowing swords and magical telekinesis? Not interested. Darth Vader? One dimensional. Han Solo and his suave persona? Save it for someone else. Why have I wasted my time on a story that I don't even enjoy, except a few key elements and one of seven total movies?

The Force Awakens helped me to see where I was wrong. I don't have to like Star Wars at all. For that, I am grateful.

I am definitely a fan of The Empire Strikes Back. Held in its own regard separate from the rest of the Star Wars series, The Empire Strikes Back is a powerful, awe-inspiring spectacle that's completely watchable as a stand-alone movie. More so, I'm certainly a massive fan of Boba Fett and the other bounty hunters. But am I a Star Wars fan? No, I can now safely say that I'm not. I owe that to The Force Awakens, though that's certainly not the outcome the producers of the film certainly would expect.

Let me know when they make a stand-alone Boba Fett film. I'll be first in line. Until then, I think I'll pass. Star Wars -- I'm breaking up with you.

The 'National Lampoon's Vacation' Series And My Siblings.

My brother James made a comment earlier today concerning the link between the film National Lampoon's Vacation and my other brother Joshua. Essentially, he asserted that Clark Griswold and Joshua were symbolically linked.

A-ha! A light bulb went off in my head. There are four Vacation films and four Manning siblings. Perhaps we're all theoretically linked to one of the films. Let's analyze the four films and go from there, shall we?

National Lampoon's Vacation -- A well-meaning family man, Clark Griswold, wants to give his wife and kids the classic road-trip vacation they deserve. Come hell or high water, he overcomes every hurdle placed before him -- losing their money, getting lost in the desert, a dead body, etc. Even a closed theme park (Walley World), won't keep his family from completing their vacation. One BB Gun and a SWAT Team later, Clark delivers what he promised -- a vacation they would never forget. Vacation is all about having a no quit attitude. No matter what, Clark will deliver as promised. To sum the film up in one word... determination.

National Lampoon's European Vacation -- After winning an all-expense paid vacation to Europe on an absurd and degrading game show, the Griswold family proceeds to endure one dopey, goofy experience after another. In England, Clark continuously drives on the wrong side of the road and causes major problems, even getting himself stuck in a roundabout for hours. He also manages to knock over Stonehenge and incite a riot at a German folk dance festival. The whole film is driven by a foundation of silliness and folly, all at the expense of the Griswolds as stereotypical American tourists creating havoc for a wide swathe of unsuspecting Europeans. To sum the film up in one word... happiness.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation -- With the holidays upon them, Clark Griswold desperately wants his family to have an old-fashioned, traditional Christmas. Yet, his ineptness continues to cause problems for everyone. The trouble begins with a frigid trek into a snowy forest for a Christmas tree, but somehow forgetting to bring an ax or saw to cut it down. Before long, Clark is hosting his entire extended family in his home, which he's painstakingly covered in thousands of holiday lights. After much trial and error, he finally gets the lights to work, which nearly sends the entire city of Chicago into a blackout. Things continue to spiral out of control, with the final nail in the proverbial coffin being the news that Clark's highly anticipated monetary Christmas bonus is nothing more than a membership in the "Jelly of the Month" club. Upon having his boss kidnapped and enduring another encounter with a SWAT Team, Clark finally realizes that he's had the Christmas vacation he set out to have. No matter how bad things seemed to get, there was always faith in a bright outcome. To sum the film up in one word... hope.

Vegas Vacation -- The oddball film in the series not linked to National Lampoon, this outing sees the Griswolds take a high-rolling trip to Las Vegas. What starts out as a family vacation quickly spins out of control. The four Griswolds soon parts ways, with no sense of family at all. Even worse, Clark manages to gamble away their entire savings, with nothing to show for it. Wife Ellen is seduced by Wayne Newton. Son Rusty becomes a card shark with a fake alias. Daughter Audrey rapidly falls into the seedy underbelly of the city by attempting to become an exotic dancer. Yet, Clark realizes the error of his ways. It was never about the vacation or the money; it was about keeping his family together and spending time with them. In a last-ditched effort to recover their money, Clark spends his remaining two dollars on a keno ticket. While waiting for the results, he meets a lonely old gambler. They become very sentimental and friendly, with Clark naively telling the old timer he was now part of the Griswold family. Unsurprisingly, Clark fails to win at keno and is heartbroken. Ironically, the old timer finally wins the keno jackpot, but passes away before being able to accept it. He gifts the winning ticket to Clark and his family with his dying breath. Vegas Vacation is all about atonement and cherishing our loved ones more than anything else. To sum the film up in one word... redemption.

When I think of determination, I think of my brother Joshua.
When I think of happiness, I think of my brother James.
When I think of hope, I think of my sister Julie.
When I think of redemption, I think of myself.

Somehow, the four original Vacation films presented a theme that links us all together. How that managed to happen, I'll never know. It's just one of those weird things that happens in life, without need for an explanation. Just go with it, you know? Now... let's get traveling down that Holiday Road!

Just Some MonsterVision Videos.

Nothing crazy or absurd to share tonight, folks. Just delivering to you some solid entertainment to pass the evening away. That being said, here's a couple great videos of the classic MonsterVision featuring Joe Bob Briggs. Enjoy!

The Creature From The Black Lagoon Gill-Man Costume.

You can't talk about the classic monsters of cinema without mentioning the Gill-Man. The eponymous Creature From The Black Lagoon possesses a devilish alien physique, but somehow still exudes a sympathetic human quality. It's an iconic, unforgettable design that has carried the Creature's legacy far beyond the three films he starred in during the 1950's. Just think -- it's over fifty years later and I'm writing about the Gill-Man, a rubber-suit monster from a black and white movie, on the internet. That's the definition of notoriety and awesomeness.

The Gill-Man suit was designed by Millicent Patrick, though for many years she went uncredited for her work. What most may not realize is that Patrick also created the aliens from It Came From Outer Space (1953), the mutants from This Island Earth (1955) and the monstrous villains from The Mole People (1956), among many other film fiends. Her ability to design impressive and catchy monsters for film was second to none. For that, all fans of classic horror should collectively say a big thank you to Patrick.

There were multiple Gill-Man suits produced for the three Creature films. All were produced from foam rubber, which made the suits very light and flexible. This was especially necessary for the underwater scenes. For the water sequences, actor, stuntman and champion swimmer Ricou Browning performed without the aid of an air line. He's reported to have been able to hold his breath for up to four minutes, thereby making the Creature's swimming seem more authentic. Had bubbles been leaking out of the suit, I can't imagine how that would have affected the Creature's on-screen presence.

Because the Gill-Man suits were made from foam rubber, they do not still exist. Foam rubber breaks down over time due to exposure to the air. Eventually it falls to dust. If you ever come across a memorabilia retailer claiming to have all or part of an original Gill-Man suit, then it's a fake. Alas, no original Gill-Man suits still exist, but that's alright. The Creature is forever preserved in all its cinematic glory on the silver screen!

For further information, check out the following links!

Horror Icon: Millicent Patrick

An extensive interview with Ben Chapman, the actor whom played the Gill-Man during the out-of-water scenes in Creature From The Black Lagoon.

The Difference Between Horror and Gore Movies.

This past weekend, Eli Roth's latest slaughter-fest The Green Inferno opened in theaters nationwide. It grossed approximately $3.5 million dollars via 1,540 theaters. Lauded as one of Roth's most gruesome and visually disturbing films yet, The Green Inferno is a brutal cannibalism movie from start to finish. To summarize without spoiling the plot, a group of college students become trapped in the rain forest with a tribe of man-eating cannibals. Extreme acts of graphic mutilation, violence and death ensue. Therein exists the problem with this film, along with other works under Roth's belt (Hostel, Cabin Fever). Many are quick to label such graphic, gory movies as horror. Honestly... they couldn't be any farther from the truth.

Gore is not the same thing as horror. It's in a class all to itself.

When I think of horror movies, I can't help but be reminded of the classics -- Dracula, The Wolfman, and Night of the Living Dead for example. These films and others like them reflect what a horror film should be. Atmosphere and mood are extremely important, as is the element of suspense. A horror film magnetically draws the viewer into its narrative. Ultimately, the hardest misconception to break is that horror movies are required to frighten the viewer. This simply isn't true. The spectacle of the horror film exists to present an alternative reality, one with fantastical components that break from the ordinary. The viewer can temporarily step away from reality and rendezvous with a monster or a ghost. Maybe this new reality has more familiar elements like a serial killer on the loose, but highlights an increased air of suspense. Horror movies make the viewer want to watch because they feature stories far removed from boring, everyday life. The characters within them run through a gamut of emotions -- fear, paranoia, sadness and even laughter. Ultimately, we know that the horror film is not real. It's a fantasy that we can revisit whenever we want -- a proverbial vacation into a world of the unknown.

Gore movies don't possess en masse any of the classic elements of horror. They're about one thing and one thing only: shocking the viewer with as many brutal scenes of death, dismemberment, exploding guts, flesh-eating, ripped viscera and corpse mutilation as virtually possible. A gore film wants your stomach to hurt; it wants you to vomit. The gross-out factor is top priority. The more disgusting and absolutely repulsive the final product, the better. In fact, a gore film wants to be so abominable that you may stop believing it's a fantasy.

This isn't going to end well.

This isn't to say that a horror film may not have a gory scene in it. Many great horror movies have gory elements dropped here or there throughout their story. Take John Carpenter's The Thing for example. There are numerous moments where the villainous creature in the film enacts grisly violence against the characters trapped with it. There's one large difference, though. The film itself uses the element of gore much like a spice in a recipe. Just a dash of gore is sprinkled sporadically to intensify the suspense. The viewer readily understands how much danger the characters are in without being completely sickened. Even over-the-top slasher movies like the Friday the 13th series or the A Nightmare on Elm Street series can still be considered horror films. Though they may use gore as a part of their presentation, the element serves as a means of imbuing danger or comedy. I'd even like to cite an example where horror, gore and humor come together to form a perfect storm of black comedy -- Peter Jackson's Braindead. There are some especially violent scenes in that film with blood and guts flying everywhere, but they're all played for laughs in a non-serious way. Alternatively, a gore movie is like a recipe with a whole lot of only one ingredient -- severe physical violence.

Do I think gore movies should be banned? Not at all. I believe in free speech and am totally against censorship. If you want to make movies where people are torn apart and disemboweled, well then wonderful. You're well within your rights to commit such vile brutality to film. I might not like or appreciate gory movies, but they have every right to be produced.

When it comes to the fans of such violent, stomach-churning films, I can't help but wonder. Why would anyone want to watch people being viciously torn to pieces? There's little merit in witnessing a person die in a grisly manner, real or otherwise. Does seeing a person's eyes being ripped from their head and eaten bring you pleasure? Does watching a person's entrails being clawed out of their abdomen and consumed by rampaging savages generate happiness? If you can answer yes, then I can only find myself arriving at the next logical conclusion... is the mutilation and evisceration of the human form something you enjoy? If so, are you living vicariously through the traumatic violence on screen? I would certainly hope not, but I am left to ponder the altogether stunning alternative.

Let me be clear -- I don't want to pick on Eli Roth. Technically, he's a fine filmmaker with a knack for knowing how to piece a memorable movie together. Certainly, there are other producers and directors that have crafted just as disturbing gore features, if not more so. Some examples that immediately come to my mind are Lucio Fulci's The New York Ripper and Hideshi Hino's Guinea Pig 2: Flower of Flesh & Blood. Yet, I can't be any clearer in my motivations for writing this article. Let's provide a proper distinction between a horror film and a gore film.

Gore doth not a horror movie make.

The Invisible Man And The Future Of Cloaking Technology.

In terms of the Universal Monsters, the Invisible Man is probably my most favorite. Released in 1933, The Invisible Man was a revolutionary film with dazzling special effects for the era. Many of the effects were completed through a particularly difficult process for the time. Claude Rains, the actor whom portrayed the Invisible Man, wore a black velvet suit and was filmed against a black velvet backdrop. Complete scenes were then matted over this footage to simulate his invisibility. While that may seem like a simple task today, it was nearly impossible to construct in 1933. The Invisible Man was universally praised for this accomplishment in film making. For its importance to the history of cinema, the movie was added to the United States National Film Registry in 2008 for preservation by the Library of Congress.

Needless to say, The Invisible Man is one hell of a good film.

Astonishingly, implementing actual invisibility is something that's closer to reality than you may think.

The cloaking technology implemented by the Predator is eerily similar to what current scientific efforts are hoping to achieve.

Many research teams and engineers across the globe are actively researching invisibility technology. Most applications of this research involve varying degrees of cloaking technology and the use of metamaterials (materials engineered to have properties not yet found in nature). Such technology bends or refracts the light that strikes a cloaked object, thereby rendering it invisible. Other cloaking techniques simply allow light photons to pass through them, as if nothing was there. A research team at the University of California, Berkeley successfully demonstrated this to be possible on the nanoscale level with the use of metamaterials. Other research teams have seen promising results through the use of nanobots, which can singularly bend light around an object as it actively moves through an environment.

While current research indicates that the method of invisibility seen in The Invisible Man is probably not achievable, we will be able to cloak objects and people through more rudimentary means in the near future. Considering many objects can already be rendered invisible to radar and atmospheric surveillance, I suspect we'll achieve invisibility within my lifetime. How cool is that?!

What Would I Put In My Nostalgic Man Crate?

I was recently asked by Alex, one of the fine folks at Man Crates, to share my ideas for a classic Nostalgia-themed gift crate. They're a new company that provides awesome gifts for men that come in wooden crates which need to be opened with a crowbar!

"The idea is for you to tell us all about your personal memories in a post on your blog. If it wasn’t Ferris Bueller, what other movies were always in your VCR?  What was the one gift you always wanted for your birthday, but never seem to come your way?  We want to hear what items you would want in a nostalgic crate."

Of course, I was happy to oblige. This is squarely in my wheelhouse! So, what would I personally insert into a nostalgic crate? Here are six things that would definitely gain entry into my sentimental Man Crate box of goodness.

Remember when 'King Size' candy bars were actually King-sized?

1. Zero Candy Bar - By far, this is my most favorite sweet treat. I must have consumed at least one a week when I was young. It was my grandfather whom introduced me to the Zero Bar. Being that my grandparents lived in a rural area with not much to do, we would take joy rides to the local (meaning only) gas station. He'd always give me a few dollars to spend once there. This usually entailed getting a soda pop, some trading cards (more on that in a moment) and a candy bar. On our first trip, he recommended a Zero Bar. This is one deceptively delicious candy bar. It breaks away from the standard chocolate-covered candy bar trend. Instead, an eye-catching white chocolate coating hides an almond-nougat, peanut and caramel center. The taste is something I can't quite describe... but oh is it so good. It amazes me how so few people have ever heard of the Zero Bar. But, if you know where to look, you can easily find it (Amazon, Hershey's Store).

2. Garbage Pail Kids Trading Cards - As mentioned with the Zero Bar, I also regularly obtained tradings cards in my youth. Make no mistake, the Garbage Pail Kids were the absolute best. Dead Ted, Roy Bot, Grim Jim, Spikey Mikey and Soured Howard -- my list of GPK favorites could go on and on. For an odd chap like me, Garbage Pail Kids was a celebration of the ironic, morbid and weird. Each pack held within it a creative, gut-busting surprise that brightened my day every time. Thankfully, GPK cards are still in production by Topps to this day and can be purchased via their web store or in person at your local department store.

3. Godzilla - If there's one thing I enjoyed as a kid, it was monster movies. I still do, to be honest. Godzilla isn't called the King of the Monsters for no reason; he's trashed every giant mutant freak from Tokyo to Toledo! The Big G is an icon to millions of people worldwide, especially to the young and young at heart. Perhaps one of the most interesting pieces of Godzilla-themed memorabilia I've seen recently is the NECA Reel Toys 12" Classic Video Game Appearance Godzilla Action Figure. It comes in a special window box which recreates the original retail packaging of the actual Nintendo Entertainment System Godzilla video game. The figure is decorated in a very pixelated manner, mirroring how Godzilla looked in the game. How cool is that?! Speaking of video games...

4. Final Fantasy - When it comes to the most deeply enthralling, thought-provoking video game of my childhood, Final Fantasy holds that honor. Role Playing Games (RPGs) were my favorite genre of video game growing up. An RPG requires intelligence, skill and strategy to be successful. The Final Fantasy series encompassed all the elements of a superior RPG... and more. I was lucky enough to receive the first Final Fantasy game on the Nintendo Entertainment System as a child. As to Final Fantasy II for the Super Nintendo, I only ever had the chance to borrow it from a friend for a short time. I never even held a copy of Final Fantasy III until I was an adult with my own career and income. As I grew older, I came to realize that Final Fantasy II was actually Final Fantasy IV, just with a new name for the North American market. The same goes with Final Fantasy III, which is really Final Fantasy VI. There were three other Final Fantasy games released in that era that never even made the trip from Japan to America. Thankfully, Final Fantasy I through VI have all since been re-released in one form or another over the years. Yet, if you want to play the original Final Fantasy, you can still find used copies for less than $20. Score!

5. Combos - The preferred snack food of choice in my youth was certainly Combos. Those tiny little treasure troves of taste were AWESOME! I can remember enjoying nearly every flavor available back then -- Cheddar Cheese, Pizza and the long since discontinued Peanut Butter (bring it back please!). Combos are still in production and distributed by Mars, Inc., much to the elation of everyone!

"Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke."

6. The Blue Brothers - This isn't even up for debate. If one movie is going into my customized Man Crate, then it has to be The Blue Brothers. I watched this movie non-stop as a kid. The car chases, the music, the witty one liners and non-stop hilarity... I love this movie more than any other. My original copy of The Blue Brothers was a poorly recorded, formatted for television copy on a blank VHS tape. In the early '90s, I finally managed to receive an actual, official VHS copy. Rapturously, The Blues Brothers has since received the proper treatment on DVD and ultimately Blu-Ray many times over. Recently released was the very classy Blu-Ray Steelbook Edition of The Blues Brothers, featuring both the theatrical and extended cuts of the film in marvelous high definition. Hit it!

So there you have it, my friends. Six wonderfully nostalgic things from my youth that I'd insert into my very own Man Crate. Perhaps they'll use some or all of these ideas for a future release. Either way, I'm very thankful to Alex for reaching out to me. Here's to celebrating our memories and making new ones!

Jurassic World Review - Plenty of Dinosaurs, Too Many People.

The following is a spoiler-free review of Jurassic World. I will allude to certain events without directly detailing them. You read at your own risk.

Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

I sat down to watch the fairly streamlined two hour summer blockbuster that is Jurassic World yesterday. I've had a reasonable amount of eagerness to see the film -- I'm a lifelong nut for dinosaurs. Certainly, I didn't expect the film to surpass the magic of the original Jurassic Park, but I did expect it to quench my dino-thirst.

It certainly did that, though... there just seemed to be a few too many characters involved in the plot.

Less people, more dinosaurs -- that's an equation that always works.

What did I like about Jurassic World?

First off, I appreciate the diverse range of dinosaurs presented in the film. That's probably the biggest issue I had with previous movies in the Jurassic Park series. I can only look at a Tyrannosaurus rex or a Velociraptor so many times before I feel like I'm being beaten over the head with them. It has become blatantly obvious that those are the two favorite dinosaurs of the franchise stewards. When in doubt, add more raptors! I don't think this always works, considering how one-dimensional the raptors have been presented in the past. With Jurassic World, at least the raptors get some actual character development. I can respect that! Also, I finally saw an ankylosaurus on film. Hurrah, my favorite dinosaur!

I really hate these 3-D jigsaw puzzles.

I did like lead star Chris Pratt in this film. His charming character Owen Grady basically shepherds the plot along from point A to point B. He's the audience's tour guide, channeling the viewers through the rip-roaring events of the movie. There's just something likable about Pratt -- he's a modern day Tom Selleck or Harrison Ford. The classic archetype of a strong yet humble, funny yet dangerous alpha male is something cinema has portrayed since the silent era. Pratt is another prime example. He'll have a long and successful film career, barring any personal catastrophes. Kudos to Mr. Pratt. We're certainly all eager to see him in his next film, as well as in the obvious Jurassic World sequel that'll be coming in the future (Jurassic Wars?).

There are scenes of violence in this film, but I was very thankful in how they were presented. I am not a fan of gore in movies, simply because it makes me uncomfortable. There is some human-munching that takes place, but it's filmed in such a way that you don't actually see it. There are lots of cutaways and scenes of blood being splattered on windows. Jurassic World smartly leaves the violent horror to the viewer's imagination.

Finally, I liked the ending sequence. I won't give away any details, but it's a jarring spectacle that reminded me of the best entries in the long-running Godzilla series. This was a titanic tussle that won't soon be forgotten. I'm usually a fan of practical special effects being used in movies, but there's some fantastic CGI employed here (and throughout the film, for that matter) that looks extremely real.

So... what didn't I like about Jurassic World?

There were way too many characters in this movie. Maybe it's because the theme park was fully operational and loaded with guests; I'm not quite sure. Many of the secondary characters simply didn't serve a purpose other than to be eventually turned into a dinosaur's lunch. Other characters had a handful of lines, but even then not amounting to much of anything in importance.

Jake Johnson, of New Girl and Let's Be Cops fame, is severely under-used as tech operator Lowery Cruthers. As a source of comic relief, that man could make Lucifer giggle like a school girl. He needed more involvement in the plot, that's for damn sure. Perhaps we'll see him in a sequel (that's a hint to the producers -- put him in the eventual sequel!).

I'm going as Ellen Ripley for Halloween.

Of course, much of the plot involves finding two teenage boys lost in the park. I found this to be the most boring aspect of the movie. They were painfully employed as MacGuffins. Jurassic World could have easily existed without their presence in the movie. In pursuit of these two boys is their aunt, portrayed by Bryce Dallas Howard. She stars as Claire Dearing, the operations director of the Jurassic World theme park. What annoyed me the most about her character was her total abandonment of her position and inability to lead any sort of reasonable evacuation operation. It'll make you wonder how she got the job in the first place. That's not to say I didn't like her character as a whole, but the leaps in her personality didn't make much sense to me.

Troubling to me was some of the portrayals of the dinosaurs, specifically in how they would have looked or acted. I can't say much here without spoiling plot points, but you'll notice it throughout the movie. The dino science involved was a little wonky, to say the least.

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."

Overall, I liked Jurassic World. It's great to see the Jurassic Park franchise, which sat unused for far too many years, continue on. The ending leaves open so many possibilities for future iterations in the series. I can easily imagine a sequel being similar to the old Dino Riders toy series (you '80s kids out there will immediately know what I'm talking about). The movie isn't perfect, but I didn't expect it to be. It's basically a flick about dinosaurs breaking out of a zoo -- so perfect never enters into the equation. There are worse ways to spend two hours at a cineplex. Parents -- you should be able to take your children to Jurassic World without them being scared too much. The on-screen violence is minimal.

Jurassic World gets the Jared Unzipped Seal of Approval!

Godzilla Is Now an Official Resident of Japan.

Looks like Godzilla is formally a citizen of Earth.

Thanks to his regular appearances in and around Japan throughout his multitude of films, Godzilla was recently granted special residency by the Shinjuku Ward in Tokyo.

Godzilla made an appearance at the special event to receive this awesome plaque and a stylish sash from Shinjuku mayor Kenichi Yoshizumi.

This should come as no surprise. Godzilla's giant head and hand were recently installed on the new Toho Cinemas Kabukicho / Hotel Gracery Shinjuku Complex. The life-size head peaks over the rooftop, which you can then see from within the hotel rooms located there. It's all quite menacing, but intended to be fun at the same time.

Godzilla atop the Hotel Gracery Shinjuku.

By providing Godzilla residency, the Shinjuku Ward has officially chosen the King of Monsters to serve as the ambassador of international tourism for the city. As an added bonus, the first three thousand visitors whom want an official copy of Godzilla's residency document may do so at any of the ward's various government offices.

Godzilla's Official Residency Document

Image courtesy of @dybastar via Twitter

Congratulations to the big green guy. Even though he's caused trillions of dollars in damage, people still adore him. Now that's what I call unconditional love!

Here's a video of the life-size Godzilla installation above the hotel and theater center as it was unveiled. If you skip to the four minute mark, you can see the sculpture from ground level. It's HUGE!

Possible Movie Remakes That Should Never, Ever Be Made.

These days, it seems Hollywood movie studios want to remake every old film imaginable. No matter the genre or how good (or bad) the original source material was, they'll remake it!  Just today, I saw the new trailer for the upcoming remake of Point Break, which was originally released in 1991.

That's right... they've remade Point Break.

With today's article, I will toss out some ideas for other old films that'll probably get remakes in the near future, but shouldn't.

City Slickers - Face it... this is a remake that has Seth Rogen and James Franco written all over it. Imagine our goofy duo from Pineapple Express testing their limits on an old-fashioned dude ranch. As to filling the shoes of Jack Palance's character Curly, why not shove Nicholas Cage into that role -- he's probably crazy enough to do it!

King Ralph - Featuring perhaps one of John Goodman's most under-appreciated roles, King Ralph would be a massive hit as a remake in today's shallow pool movie climate. Thanks to all the fervor over the British Royal Family these days, a film that channels that insanity would make big bucks at the local cineplex. Who better to star as a bumbling lounge singer turned royal pain in the arse than everyone's favorite comedic idiot -- Adam Sandler! (In all honesty, the movie would suck; but you and I both know it would make three or four hundred million dollars as a Sandler vehicle.)

Sister Act - As the sixth highest grossing film of 1992, Sister Act was an extremely popular film that shot Whoopi Goldberg to new heights as a mega movie star. Why not try to catch lightning in a bottle twice? This is a remake that has Lady Gaga written all over it. We know she can dance. We know she can sing. But... does she have the chops to pull off a lounge singer in witness protection? Here's the real question -- do we finally get to see a nun in an all meat habit?

Critters - Perhaps the last great (great?) horror franchise of the '80s that hasn't seen a possible remake, Critters is destined to become a PG-13 action/horror/comedy starring Kevin Hart (intergalactic bounty hunter) and Paul Rudd (blue-collar schmuck protecting his family). Those bouncing balls of bloody chaos would be prime candidates for some CGI-based tomfoolery. Toss in Melissa McCarthy as the head critter alien and you've got the makings of this decade's biggest film!

And now... the worst possible remake of all.

The Princess Bride - If you think this classic is off limits from being remade by the vultures in the film industry, you'd be dead wrong. Nothing is sacred in Hollywood... even such a beloved and cherished movie as this. The film will probably get a dozen rewrites, go through two directors and finally finish production way over budget. Of course, they'll want some young, suave sex icon to star as Westley, aka the dashing Dread Pirate Roberts. Who's that guy right now? Channing Tatum, without a doubt. Obviously, the remake's producers will seek out an equally as appealing, but slightly older, hunk with an alluring accent to play Inigo Montoya -- Jude Law, anyone? So what if Inigo is Spanish in the original film? By the time this turd of a remake hits the big screen, it'll have gone through more rewrites than Beverly Hills Cop III! Fezzik will be completely CGI in the remake, but voiced by the endearing goofball Zach Galifianakis. To really empower the villainous and sly Prince Humperdinck, producers will hire the living chameleon Sacha Baron Cohen. Look out for a surprise cameo by Neil Patrick Harris as Miracle Max! And let's not forget the music, which was so remarkable in the original (thanks Mark Knopfler). Who else to craft a new, modern soundtrack for The Princess Bride remake but John Mayer?!

I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.

'Star Wars' Is About The Bounty Hunters, Right?

The only character in Star Wars

that Darth Vader is afraid of -- Boba Fett.

Star Wars is a series of films about various bounty hunters struggling with survival in a dangerous, unpredictable galaxy torn asunder by chaos. There also happen to be these boring wizards with tricked-out flashlights in a multitude of colors.

That's how I see the Star Wars saga. I have felt this way since the moment I watched The Empire Strikes Back.

I could really care less about the whole Jedi versus Sith conflict. I have zero interest in mystical ninjas who can do magic tricks and like to pretend they're samurai.

Darth Vader... don't care.
Obi-Wan Kenobi... don't care.
Luke Skywalker... really don't care.

Han Solo and Chewbacca are also of no real concern to me. Solo is just another typical cowboy jock with an inflated ego. As to Chewie... well... I've seen shag carpets with more personality.

And let's not forget C-3PO and R2-D2 (I wish I could) -- two annoying characters without any real sense of necessity. They're just MacGuffins to move the plot along. The only really important droid in the entire Star Wars saga is R5-D4. Without its existence, the whole story literally collapses. Can you say linchpin?

Why don't the fans love me? They should.

To be perfectly honest with you, I don't particularly enjoy A New Hope at all. It's boring and predictable. The dialog is stiff and the action, even when considering it's the late 1970's, is sub-par. And what's up with Obi-Wan's disappearing act? It just doesn't make any sense. After I saw A New Hope for the first time as a kid, I wasn't impressed. Meh... just another science fiction movie.

And then I saw The Empire Strikes Back. Finally... some interesting characters! There are bounty hunters... and they're cool. On board a Star Destroyer with Darth Vader, we're initially introduced to Boba Fett, IG-88, Zuckus, 4-LOM, Bossk and Dengar. They've been contracted to catch that knucklehead Han Solo. Hurrah, some characters to finally root for! At the end of the movie, the bad guys (good guys?) actually win. Boba Fett has captured Han Solo! YES! These bounty hunters obviously have substance; they have a story to tell. Unfortunately, they get few (if any) lines of dialogue. This is what depresses me most about Star Wars...

The most interesting aspect of the entire cinematic universe, the Bounty Hunters, is almost a footnote.

Return of the Jedi doesn't improve the bounty hunters' presence any. In fact, their best hunter Boba Fett is gobbled up by a giant Sarlacc. Sure, he eventually escapes the beast's gut, but that's another story entirely.

My enjoyment of Star Wars is a love/hate relationship. They're perfectly decent films, but the best component of the entire story is nearly absent. Why weren't the bounty hunters fleshed out? They could have an entire film saga all to their selves and it would be immensely more interesting than what we are familiar with. When it comes to the Star Wars fandom, I'm definitely in the minority. Yet, I hold out hope. Perhaps the new trilogy will feature more bounty hunters. We could only be so lucky.

Hi! I'm 4-LOM and this is my pal Zuckuss. We're two wild and crazy guys!