The Breeders Must Be Stopped!

As of late, I've come to the fairly bleak realization that a large swathe of society is only capable of doing one rudimentary thing in life... and that's be a breeder. No matter how much education you offer them, or job opportunities, or chances to expand their horizons, they will always settle for the lowest common denominator of human existence.

They just make more humans. Over... and over... and over... and over.

Please, I'm begging you. Make it stop.

Here's a simple, step-by-step explanation of the breeder's guide to life.

1. Find a sexual partner.
2. Have intercourse.
3. Fail to use any form of birth control.
4. Have a baby.
5. Return to step #1

I want to shake these people and ask them...

Don't you want more out of life than to be a parent? Any loser with a functioning set of genitalia can do that. Don't you expect more from your own self, for that matter? You're a capable human being with the ability to think and transcend your starting point in life.

And yet... these folks just keep on breeding, spawning one little unnecessary hellion after another.

Ladies, I want to address you specifically for just a moment. Why? Because you're the gatekeepers to this whole dilemma. Of course, I realize that many of you have been forced to bear children because you've been raped -- this message is not for you. For the rest -- you are more than just a baby machine. Being a mother is not a life requirement. You can lead a full, healthy existence without any children whatsoever. At the very least, establish yourself in a secure career with a stable home before (not after) you start having babies. Being a mother is not a job -- it's a personal choice. I want to pull my hair out when women say that being a stay-at-home mother is a job. BZZZZZZZZZZZZ, WRONG! Instead of pushing yourself to achieve greater things, many of you settle for a ho-hum existence -- strapped to a gaggle of brats and unable to do anything for yourself. Don't fall into this trap! Refrain from dropping your panties for any schmuck that'll show you attention. Guess what -- if the only guys you can seem to attract are losers, thugs, delinquents, flunkies and deadbeats, then you're probably a piece of crap yourself. SHAPE UP! We don't need more humans on this planet -- especially those that are destined to be a breeder just like yourself.

Guys, listen to me... stop knocking women up, would you? I'm really tired of your low-quality kids making it tough on decent, responsible parents just trying to raise their own children in a better world. You and I both know that you're probably not fit to raise a child -- and that's even if you would bother to hang around. More often than not, you're absent from your child's life. So why bother? You're just adding to the problem of overpopulation, which tends to have this gnarly compounding effect. You spawn two new breeder kids, which spawn four breeder kids, which spawn eight breeder kids, which leads to sixteen breeder kids. See where I'm going with this? Buy yourself an entire case of condoms and use 'em, buddy. We don't need more of you, that's for damn sure.

This must be what breeder hell looks like.

Being a breeder isn't set in stone. It's no one's destiny to only ever make more humans. Being a breeder is a choice, which makes it all the more terrible. For the sake of my sanity and Earth itself, don't be a breeder!

Your Advertising Makes Me Want To NOT Buy From You!

There's just something about really terrible advertising campaigns and commercials that riles me up. Here's an example.

Click for full-size to see how much it sucks.

I received the above local ad in the mail today. It's one of your typical coupon fliers that try to grab your attention with silly antics. Haha... look at that fat cheerleader. Teehee... that so makes me want to buy tires from you.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that are completely deterred by this sort of nonsense. Such advertising speaks to a lower caliber of individual. If you feel the need to look like a fool in your advertisement, how can I feel comfortable knowing that you'll provide me with a quality product and/or professional service?

I can't.

Another trend in advertising (especially in rural areas and smaller cities), is to use children in television commercials. I HATE THESE TYPES OF COMMERCIALS MORE THAN ANY OTHER. If I see a child in your commercial attempting to sell me a car, sing me a jingle or generally just try to be cute, I will NEVER... and I mean N-E-V-E-R buy anything from you. Trying to sell your business with children is just, well... for lack of a better word, childish! This method gives me ZERO confidence in your business. Instead of showing me what you do or what you sell, you just assume shoving some cute little kids in front of me will garner my trust. Nope - it makes me assume that you're pathetic. It's also insulting. Expect better of yourself and your potential customers. Look at it this way...

Would you buy a car from a little kid? Of course not. Then why would you use a little kid in your commercial to sell me a car? YOU SHOULDN'T!

Hell no I'm not buying something from you. Get off my television screen!