Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Advice For Men - Why Catcalling Fails.

In light of the recent discussion within our culture, I want to provide some simple advice to men.

"American Girl in Italy" -- Ruth Orkin, 1951

Guys... catcalling doesn't work. Just stop.

Within the entire existence of mankind, has a man catcalling a woman ever worked? Even just once? Somehow, I doubt it. No kisses. No dates. No hook-ups. NOT ONCE.

When a man catcalls a woman, it makes the target feel uncomfortable. Like a wolf stalking a rabbit, the woman feels threatened. This doesn't mean to imply that the woman is inferior (because she's not)... just merely targeted.

My brothers, here's a suggestion. The next time you feel the urge to awkwardly make an abrupt statement to a passing female, just pause and think. Instead of saying something rude or out of place, analyze your surroundings. Are you in a public location with high traffic? Are people traveling through briskly? Are you in an office building, hospital or some other professional setting?

If you said yes to any of these, then it's most likely not appropriate to approach a female with varying offers of intimacy.

But what if you're in an open social setting, like a bar, movie theater or shopping mall? What then?

This is where not being a social moron comes into play.

You see, folks used to practice this social ritual called "asking someone on a date". It usually took place between two people whom casually knew each other or might have already been on a friendly level. One person would ask the other in a non-predatory way to go on a date. Here's an example:


*College Library, Thursday, 7:00 PM*

(Hank and Yvonne have been lightly studying together for the past few nights. Their personalities just click and they're very casual with each other.)

Hank: "It's been really awesome studying with you these past few nights. I think you're great to be around. You've made learning fun."

Yvonne: "Thanks, you're pretty swell yourself."

Hank: "If you'd be open to it, would you like to have dinner with me this weekend? I know a superb Greek restaurant."

Yvonne: "Sure, I haven't had a gyro in ages."


And scene...

See guys, it's that simple. The situation was appropriate for Hank to ask Yvonne out on a date. Yvonne could have said no, sure. But so what? Because Hank didn't approach the question in an awkward way (or preface it with catcalling), there was no tension afterwards to make Yvonne feel uncomfortable. Even if she'd said no, the studying could have continued on without any problems. The fact that Hank was polite and didn't stalk Yvonne like a Velociraptor certainly helped his cause.

Now, let's flip this scenario around and show how Hank could have really screwed up.


(Yvonne is at the campus library studying by herself. Hank happens to be walking by her table and finds her attractive.)

Hank: "Damn girl! What you reading? I bet it's our wedding vows."

Yvonne: "Nope, it's your arrest record. Buzz off."

Hank: "Whatever..."


And scene...

See how that went terribly wrong? By catcalling Yvonne and saying something inappropriate, Hank did himself a disservice. He didn't get her phone number, nor her e-mail, not even a promise to go on a date. In fact, he didn't even get her name. Hank failed miserably. Why? Because he approached Yvonne in a brash and predatory way. Hank's inability to not be a social moron prevented him from succeeding. As the kids say these days -- Hank cock-blocked himself.

Here's one final example between Hank and Yvonne, showing how meeting a total stranger can work out correctly if you play it cool.


(Yvonne is studying alone in the campus library. Hank is studying there as well and spots an attractive girl a few tables away. He works up the nerve to go speak to her.)

Hank: "Miss, excuse me, I'm sorry for interrupting you."

Yvonne: "It's alright. What's up?"

Hank: "Well, I saw you studying by yourself. I'm here studying by myself, too. Would you like to study together? Maybe we're working on the same subject and could help each other out."

Yvonne: "Sure, have a seat."


And scene...

See, even though Hank was a total stranger, he didn't come at Yvonne with an absurd comment or a catcall. Instead, he kept his cool and asked Yvonne for permission to enter her personal space. Yvonne recognized this request and found it to be harmless, to which she obliged. Yvonne and Hank aren't strangers anymore, much to the satisfaction of Hank. If he keeps his cool and sees that they like each other, maybe Hank can ask her out on a date! Even if Yvonne had said no, Hank could have walked away politely and not been viewed by Yvonne as a creep.

I really can't explain this in any simpler way. Catcalling just does not work.

  • Analyze your surroundings.
  • See if the situation is appropriate to speak to someone. 
  • Be polite to someone you've just met, or are initially getting to know.
  • Refrain from saying awkward or overtly sexual things to people you don't know.

Stick to these principles guys and you'll go far in life.


  1. I'm sure your macho ass has a lot of practice in this because you're so irresistible. Muwahh my dear