Monday, April 27, 2015

The Future Of Domestic Drone Use.

Let's face it -- within the decade, we're going to see a vast expanse in domestic drone use. Owning a drone will be like having a back-up camera on your vehicle... everyone will have one. That being said, I like to believe I'm a forward-thinking man when it comes to technology. What will we be using drones for in the not-so-distant future? Here are some thoughts I came up with.
  • Mall Security - As if indoor malls weren't already becoming a relic of the Twentieth Century, those old shopping destinations will have a hard time affording their security staff. What better way to maintain a watchful eye and lay off some ineffective rent-a-cops than to employ drones? They will afford you the same degree of visual coverage at a fraction of the cost. A drone doesn't get sick, take a holiday or fall asleep. One or two control room operators can scan an entire structure constantly, thereby reducing overhead and improving visibility. It's a win-win!
  • Wedding Photography - Nearly every couple wants candid, unstaged photos from their wedding. The drone could fill this void without getting in the way. The often slighted wedding photographer, whom is told to stay invisible and not to participate, would become all but obsolete. The drone won't eat any of your hors d'oeuvres, can silently cut through the reception crowd and will refrain from hooking up with one of the bridesmaids!
  • Televised Golf - While I don't admit to watching golf on television (it's so boring), I know many other people enjoy to do so. Why not set a drone to follow the golf ball at all times? When the golfer tees off, the drone will stay locked onto the ball. It will provide the audience with a birds-eye view of the action.
  • Classrooms - This is an idea all you fans of hover parenting will love. Why not place a drone in every classroom and school hallway? Kids will remain under constant surveillance, creating a permanent record of their every action. When one of those little brats decides to act up, the drone can administer a swift electric jolt with an on-board taser. Smells like victory (or burning flesh)!
  • Amateur Porn - It seems everyone these days wants to record their own sex tape. While I can't say it's the best of ideas, people are free to do as they wish. Instead of shoddy camera work and grainy cellphone videos, why not use a lifeless, dead-inside drone to record all of the "action"? It beats having your drunk buddy sit in the corner with a camera and watch, am I right?
  • Fishing - How valuable would a drone equipped with a sonar locator be on a lake... or even better... on the ocean? You could send your drone out like a scout to spot schools of fish, thereby saving you the trouble of looking. Once your drone has locked onto some fish, you could command your boat there and reel in the big haul!
  • Window Washing - Isn't it a pain in the ass when you've got a window to wash, but it's on a second or higher story? A drone equipped with a cleaning solution sprayer and some form of wiping apparatus could fly up and clean your windows, without you having to so much as lift your rump off the couch. Take this idea one step farther -- use drones for cleaning windows on tall municipal buildings and skyscrapers!
  • Jousting - Drones would make the perfect candidate for sports. Why not attach long lances and defense shielding to the units, then send them into battle like the knights of old? They could each fly their own unique flags and feature simulated horse sounds!
  • Voting - Instead of having to get dressed, hop in your car, drive to the local polling station and wait in a long line to register your vote, what if the voting booth came to you? A small swarm of drones could canvass a neighborhood and meet with each and every citizen. An on-board computer tablet could allow the voter to make their selections, then quickly move on to the next person. Voters could schedule their drone visits in advance, so they wouldn't have any issue casting their ballots. There wouldn't be any excuse for a person not to vote.
Do you have any suggestions? I'd really enjoy hearing them!

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